[michelle8t6]

Hi all, My name is Michelle.

I am a Mum, I’m in a long term relationship, our children are teens now. We had them young, in our teens. Over the years we have both had periods where we are bad on Cocaine, it’s a weekend thing now. But i hate myself for it, I only have it when I’m drunk, all our friends are on it and it’s just there. I don’t want to give up my friends or alcohol, but I desperately want to give up cocaine. Help ????

[danman83]

Im same as u michelle and im lapsing once every 3 week. Again its at the weekend. There is no way on earth you are going to go your mates and watch them use and drink without doing it yourself. Its impossible. So you either cut your mates off when they are using or dont. It sends me on the worse downer ever coming off coke. It takes me about 3 days to fully recover.

U need to cut everyone off to do with coke tbh. Why do you want to quit?

[michelle8t6]

Hi Dan, so ended up getting a bag last night. Now I feel such crippling guilt. I’m not hungover, my kids are none the wiser, I’m £40 out of pocket and I just don’t see the point of it. Yet 4 Jack Daniels in last night and it was a fantastic idea. Me and my partner shared a £40 sat up talking a load of crap. But for some reason I demanded we got one last night at midnight, why didn’t I just go to bed. Why has it got that hold over me. Why do me and my partner need to sit in our living room after having had a lovely casual drink to de stress after a long week of work etc, then midnight hits and I’m craving the stuff. I feel bit shitty now, down Cus I wasted £40, bad because even tho they were in their bed and none the wiser, why is their mum and dad “getting on it” whilst their in the house. We never used to, that was a rule No Drugs In The House as we have kids. I just want off it. I love my partner it’s never his idea to get it, but if I demand it, we get it. So I’m also getting him on the stuff at the weekends more than he would like, he could however say no. But when you like the stuff and someone is moaning at you to get one, then it’s hard to say no. I just feel like a horrible person.

[jamesz]

Hi Michelle,

Im new to this forum and just signed up today! And while i dont know much about the forum one thing I do know a fair bit about is cocaine and alcohol.

I know its so cliche about its starts with a bit on the weekend and can escalate but it sounds like you are in that situation, using in times who swore you never would i.e ‘in the house’, carrying on and not knowing when to stop, finding it impossible to say no once you are a few drinks in.

I can tell you from first hand experience that it can creep into your life so fast that you dont even have to time to recognise the issue, as Dan says the best way is to really just cut those people out and even maybe cut the drink out for a while, focus on your relationship with your family. Take the £40 and go for a nice family meal, you can buy a voucher of Groupon for that price and have some quality family time!

Cocaine is a drug that really steals that time away and makes people very selfish! When you are using it you dont think of the consequences and very little else apart from the next line! It sounds like you know where your priorities should lie but once your having a drink in a social setting those lines get a little blurred.

It might even be a good idea to speak to these friends about how you feel, you never know they may feel exactly the same way!

Wish you all the best! You have a family and partner which is more than some! Be there for eachother and enjoy eachother you dont need that stuff in your life!

[michelle8t6]

Thank you James, you put that in a way that no one else has. I talk to my friends, we even make a pact as we’re all mums and dads it’s just not the life I wanted. Then boom there’s a bag on the table and we’re all going 3 ways. Alcohol is the problem as I lose all control on it. But I’m not able for the gym or jogging due to illness, so I need to find another way to let my hair down, let off steam. Thanks again, you make a lot of sense

[jamesz]

Im hope my words provide you with some help!

It definitely sounds like alcohol is the problem here, believe me this is the same for almost every person I know who does coke, its such a huge trigger (probably the biggest). Alcohol and coke just seem to go hand in hand! For me, the second I planned to have a drink the thoughts started creeping in my mind ‘how long until someone will whip out a bag or call a dealer’ and from there is was inevitable what would happen.

Going to the gym isn’t the only past time, one thing when I started counselling, the counsellor asked me: ‘So what do you do that makes you happy?’ What do you do that you enjoy? – Such as simple question actually made me quite sad!

When I started to reflect on my life as it was there was nothing! I have a beautiful family who make me happy but nothing that was just for me that could bring me joy, drinking and drugs with ‘friends’, that was my past-time and I just thought to myself how did I get this far, how did I lose my way this much that drink and drugs such a big part of my life!

So please dont beat yourself up! You are not a bad person and you are definitely not alone, being able to admit that problem to yourself is a huge step and reaching out to people here is also a big step even if you dont recognise that just yet.

I often feel in many instances this is one of the reasons people find drugs so addictive, there is nothing else in life that fulfils them! Now I could be way off the mark here – but ask yourself the same question!

Do you have something in your life that is just for you or something that just really makes you happy?

If not then it might be time to do a little soul searching and think back through your life about something you loved doing but dont do anymore and then go and do it!

And if this does sound like it could be the same for you! Let me know what that thing is! I always loved the arts, so sometimes ill visit a gallery (most of the time they’re free and it gets me out of the house and gives me time alone to reflect) Never be too busy to make time for yourself!

[michelle8t6]

Thanks a lot James, I will really take all of this on board. You really have helped

[danman83]

Hiya michelle. The problem is with coke is that you can be going pubs having it, house partys for months or years. Then you stop going out, but by then your addicted. Then thats why you have it in the house. If u have had it for 6 months even if its once a month. Your addicted.

I sort of have it under control were im having once every 3 or 4 weeks. You need to do a daily plan now and put some new daily or weekly hobbies down.

If your serious about quitting. You cant have alcohol again. Simple as. Or while in the house. If your not too bothered using when on a night out.

I also listen to cocaine recovery stories on podcast. They help alot. Ive took up reading, and i go to the gym more.

Also watch louise clarke on you tube her videos on crack cocaine part 123. I cant recomend her enough. Shes an expert on this and will help you to quit. I bought her book as well which is great.

Pocket rehab is a good app aswell.

Even though we are not using everyday. Or selling or robbing people for drugs:we are addicts.

Does your bf want to stop?

[michelle8t6]

He says he can take it or leave it, I’m the one who demands we order it. He will have it when it’s ordered. I don’t take it whilst out at all, as I have now started to gurn. We drink fortnightly and 8/10 we will end up ordering. Some nights I can drink and go bed happy(pissed) and kip. But the times where I want it, if I mention it I then have to have it.

So it’s not every time I drink, it’s more if I’m stressed out. If we drink and ive had a great week I won’t even think about it, but a couple of weeks later I’ve had a bad week or a very bad day I will then crave a drink and a bag. I hate it

[danman83]

To be honest your brain tricks you in to wanting it..so you having a bad week your brain is making it an excuse to get some, because it wants it. Its called emotional relapse.. you can also cause arguments with your partner as an excuse to go get some. Its about knowing when these triggers come and how to prepare for them. So if your feeling stressed. Go for a long walk. Or paint or listen to some music with headphones or meditate. I know its easier said than done.

But after emotional comes mental relapse, were you start to think about using and how good it feels or things to do with coke. And then its physical relaspe. Were you end up getting it.

If you change your mindset at emotional and mental. You wont get it. Emotional relapse is pretty mad because your not even thinking about coke.. it could just be road rage or something bothering you and you want to relax. But really.. its your brain tricking you in to getting coke.

[michelle8t6]

You’re so right Dan, I had a watch of Louise’s step one cocaine vid. She makes so much sense it’s scary. So I’ve set my sites on cutting it out for good. Friday was my last ever line, that’s what I keep telling myself. There’s so much I could have done with that £40 so much. I’ve just joined a slimming club, I’m trying to better my self in every way possible. I don’t want to cut drink out, I know that for sure.

I’m not drinking until the end of the month, I have a special occasion due. By not drinking I won’t take coke, also it will kick start me into a good weight loss journey. Positive thinking. I will be checking in on here all the time for help and motivation. Can’t rate this site enough. Thanks again Dan.

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