[knupssy]

Hi,

I have posted my story few weeks ago. My husband is still denying his addiction. I found some cocaine in his pocket a month and a half ago. We have 3 kids, married for 16 years.

My hubby has been acting weird for few years, but I thought it was just work stress, booze… He lost his job last February and since then it has been just worse and worse. He can’t get up before 4pm most days. Disappears for the whole night few days a week. There is a pattern.

We are now separated but still living under the same roof. I am moving abroad in five weeks. Can’t wait! He signed the authorisation fir custody.

But he still still didn’t come out. I guess because of the custody. He wants a no fault divorce… not sure what he wants really.

I found viagra and cialis … condoms. He says it’s to use with his sex toys. So humiliating. He hasn’t been able to have erections quite often for over a year before we started sleeping in different rooms. Now, I guess it’s not my business but of course it hurts a lot. I still love him deeply 🙁

He takes anti-depressants and diapazan as well… Sudafed. All the cocktails. Refuses to go see a proper GP. He uses the at hand app. Had a therapy for two months and the guy didn’t see anything.

This is so frustrating not to be able to do anything. I want my children to have a father 🙁

I am so concerned for his health that I often go check he is breathing in the middle of the night. When he is there… most days I find him at 5.30 am drinking champagne in his office… alone.

Few days ago he had another episode when he seems lucide in the middle of the night and restless. Says he had vivid dreams…

I have stopped trying to confront him. I am concentrating on getting out of here with the kids. But my curiosity is still unsatisfied. I need to know the truth…

I am most worried about the combination of cocaine, diazepam and viagra plus anti-depressant .., and knowing he get those either prescribed or on black market and not giving the full health information to whoever takes his GP at hand call.

All very sad and stressful 🙁

[pray4love]

I can’t give any advice but I am in the same situation as you. Very similar, he is impotent, uses cocain, we sleep in separate rooms, he is gone for days at a time, and he cannot handle any money or he will drug it up. I don’t know what to do, because I love him so much. I have been with him for 9 years with 7 years like this, but it has gotten worse over the years. I will never leave but I don’t know if he will ever change and will be my life forever. We are both 53 years old. We have careers we love and should be living our best life, but this prevents us from living our dream. We still have lots of good days but the bad days prevent us from getting ahead.

[knupssy]

Very similar. I have decided to move away to get a chance for the children to not witness all this mess. They have seen enough.

My main issue is that he blames me for everything. I had couple of angry episodes and crossed the line in terms of violence. Which I regret deeply. But at that time I didn’t know and I was frustrated by his behavior and very tired. I have been taking care of the children pretty much on my own for the past 5 years while he has a successful career and had a lot of fun doing his work (including the party drugs, which I wasn’t aware of). But then he lost his job and everything collapsed. I didn’t know about the drugs and I couldn’t understand why he couldn’t get up in the morning. Combination of depression, drug use, unemployment etc…

But I think at the end of the day even if it explains this strange behaviour, the behaviour is still unacceptable for a father of three… I absolutely adored him, he made me laugh, was a great husband and father.

I miss the real him so much. But I am starting to understand that this real him is gone and might never be back. It hurts a lot. We did so much damage to each other now. Such a waste.

It took me some time to decide to move, but he asked for the separation in August and I tried many times to make him come clean with no success.

I just confronted him again tonight as I had to tidy up the recycling bin and showed him the huge amount of bottles as well as the cocaine party box I found. But he continues to deny… I guess because of the custody.

But I don’t want to use this against him in a court case… I don’t want any court case at all! I just want him to come to realization that this is wrong and that he needs help… I want a father for our children.

[pray4love]

You are making the tough decisions and you must for the children. He has to first acknowledge he has a problem. He is not there. He may start to realize it when he loses his family. It is hard to say what would be their breaking point. All we can do is be there for them when they are ready to change. The hard part is there is nothing we can do until they are ready. They have to want it enough to reach out for help and do all it takes to stay sober.

[knupssy]

Thank you for your words.

Yes, it is the hardest part. I wonder what will be the future…

But I must get children out of there.

Breaking my heart 🙁

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