[k123]

Hi,

I live with my partner and we have a 2 month old baby. We have been together for 3 years. I was unaware of the addiction as I saw him only at weekends. I would use sometimes when we were out but not often.

We moved in together and that’s when I started to notice his habit was out of control as I would come home with “friends” of his I’d never met or he’d never even mentioned before in the house obvs drinking and using. They’d leave shortly after I’d got home as I wasn’t exactly welcoming.

So many what should have been special moments ruined as he showed up obviously drunk and on coke. Not to mention he said awful vile things when I challenge his behaviour. His attitude the next couple of days is also horrible and he is so unhelpful around the house. The mood swings are another level!

It’s a vicious cycle each week of using and around 3 days later him wanting to then use again. I have tried to finish the relationship so many times but he always ends up talking me round, at this point admitting he has issues and having open conversations.

We previously managed to come to an agreement, it was once a week but he was not to bring it into the house. This was before I fell pregnant then obviously as I got further along I wanted him at home more with me. I said I didn’t want it every week and there was a struggle with getting him to agree that when I asked even though he agreed to do that at the start of the pregnancy.

I now have my beautiful baby boy who is 2 months old and the habit is still the same with him disappearing or sneakily using sometimes twice a week. I am very fortunate I can tell when he is as he has certain behaviours and facial expressions. The relationship breakdown is unbearable now as I won’t tolerate him using and kick up a fuss. Instead of dealing with me he just goes missing all night. I know he will not change. He always said when the baby is here he will only use once a month. Now push has come to shove he doesn’t see why he can’t continue to use weekly. Well sometimes he does see why and agree and cries I will make him leave but then other times it is the other side of him talking, telling me I’m controlling that he doesn’t want to be with me, he only cares about the baby etc. But then other times agrees to get professional help. It’s very confusing what is the real him.

He is now getting some help tomorrow from the local drug help clinic which is positive but he does not want to stop completely, he wants to cut down and control the amount he does when he is using.

I am at the point now I know this cycle will continue unless I walk away. My mental health is being pushed to its limits and I’m feeling constantly anxious and depressed. I’ve tried to end it so many times before but never sought any help myself which is what I’ve had to do now because I need to be the best version of myself I can be for my son without being dragged down by his lies, manipulation and awful words. It’s heartbreaking and hard to tell what it is he wants, what is the addiction talking and if he means that he wants this under control or he says that to keep me there.

I’m now asking him to leave on a daily basis as I am so unhappy and after his latest episode this weekend. He now refuses to leave even though the house is in my name as he doesn’t want to keep staying at his mums when we argue etc… don’t even get me started on her, no support at all. Tells me she’s sick of the situation and I can’t keep throwing him out and she’s got her own problems… that’s her son. She knows he used when he lived there and would just let him waltz in and out at his own pleasure, drinking nearly every night too. He told me he’d sit in his room on his own staying up all night using 3 to 4 times a week When he lived at his mums.

He is now refusing to leave as I said I need a break and need to be out of this situation. I’ve told him things won’t change in our relationship unless he agrees to completely stop as he’s tried cutting down and it doesn’t work. He doesn’t seem to care about my wellbeing and whats best for me and the baby and I’m now having to go to my mums even though there is no bed for me to sleep in to try and get away from this situation. If he does not agree to leave the house a week or 2 after I’ve left I will have to call the police. Thank god he’s not on the tenancy agreement. I think he will go when he knows I’m serious. Atm I think he’s trying his luck, hoping I’ll just stop asking him to go.

At this point I’m worried about myself financially as I am in private rented Accomodation. Has anyone else received benefits on this sort of basis that covers private rent?

Has anyone else Also experienced these awful Mood swings and horrible words/things said to them?

I’ve contacted the citations advice bruro(can’t spell it lol). Hopefully I’ll have more positive news and the courage to follow through properly on my threat this time.

[bt1978]

Hey

Thanks for posting

Before anything else I think you and the baby need support and help.

Do you have anywhere you can stay for a while to take time to think bout an approach?

[k123]

Thank you for you response.

I have spoken to my mum and am going there for the time being.

I have also looked into what I am entitled to as a single parent and that will barely cover my rent, bills and food. That’s including money from the baby’s dad weekly. I will have no money left over to run my car so will be isolated as my mum is moving 3 hours away soon.

For now I will go there to try and get away from the situation. My partner is now trying to turn the tables that he needs help and is getting it but needs my support also. He doesn’t seem to understand what he puts me through mentally, just that I want to take his son away.

Hopefully once he’s spoken to a professional things may become clearer.

[bt1978]

If hers serious about help he should try NA let me know if you need more info

[Author]

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