[adamuk]

cocaine is hard to stop doing is an understatement. The last couple of years I’ve been using nearly every other day. Just to feel normal. I make all types of promises to myself that I will stop. Never again, last time blah blah then bang straight back on it. The first 2 lines are always the best it feels like you are drowning then you breathe. After that it’s all downhill. A person who is an addict or using more than 2/3 times a week. Needing to do it to feel ok. Doing it alone. I know it’s killing me slowly my soul is tortured by this drug and something tells me I will die from it I can’t stop. It’s an illness and I know it !!! I can stay sober 2 or 3 days max before this headache starts. I get high the feel low, sleeping in bed for days. I don’t know what todo. I have read about everything on google I.e addiction, treatment etc. It all makes sense but I can’t execute any of it. To the partners that are married to people like me. Don’t give up on them please. We know what we are ! You don’t need to tell us or threaten us. Just keep on loving your partner. 1 of either 2 outcomes will happen either they will make it or not !!!

[sae1996]

Hi Adam,

How’re you? I am in a relationship with a cocaine addict so I understand exactly what you’re saying here. I’m sorry that you’re struggling and I can’t image what it must feel like.

You said you’ve researched about treatments – have you ever attended CA? This might help and is a good opportunity to make friends but you need to do it for yourself or it won’t work.

Alternatively, chatting to people on here might help you if you like to talk to people.

Stay strong – you’ve got this.

[danman83]

Even if u have it once a month your an addict. Ive not had it for 21 days now.

Do u drink everytime u get it? Do u want to swap nums pal. And text for support up 2 u that tho mate

[adamuk]

No I dont drink I used to. My problem has always been coke. I used to be an anxious person. Maybe with low self esteem. Coke gave me an edge made me think yeh I’m the man. Made me more confident ! But it’s all fake. It slowly started eating away at me. When you start todo it to feel normal then it’s a problem. I have hit real lows in terms of my private lives and have pulled it together long enough to get on my feet but then it all starts again. I think it feels exciting feels like an escape from the norms of life like you float away in this bubble for a while and forgot about all your issues. But when you start doing it everyday then it’s not fun anymore. It becomes a chore. A box to tick. I’ll do a gram which is about a p.4 in about 6 lines. Then smoke about 2/3 joints. Then I’m ok. Sometimes I’ll get 2. At £40 a g I’m spending on average £250 a week. When I sit down and think about it it’s mad! I don’t know what todo !!! I’m drowning

[hox]

I’m the wife of a person that hasn’t got a problem with taking cocaine. His personality has totally changed toward me. He is unloving, uncaring, no interest in me or his once beloved pets and animals (I have to care for all of them now) He also has nothing to do with my mum who we lived with rent free for three years whilst renovating our home. He was close to her too and would do anything for her. He’s ok with his ‘coke friends’ and his family.

Is this the norm for someone that goes out gets hammered and takes at least four lines of coke on a night out. Can be more he says just depends. This happens about three times a week.

Is this what happens to those closest to an addict?

[adamuk]

What happens is that a person becomes more selfish and what Eli’s happens is that sometimes you feel that a veil has been lifted from your ways and you are seeing things in a. Know clearer light. You don’t take no shot from people. If you feel like you have been putting more into the relationship you stop trying if the other person argues with you all the time. It’s like you think f*ck everything you care less. Makes your spirit meaner. He is doing more than you think ! Have a frank conversation with him without beatring around the bush and get to the point he will tell you his reasons and listen to them. As as his consumption insreaees hebwill get worse and his view will get more destrorted and he will retreat into a shell thinking everyone is against him

[hox]

Thank you for explaining. He takes shit from certain people. We both put 100% into our relationship before the cocaine. We were a team, best friends, soul mates and we trusted each other totally. I still give my all. He is mean spirited, that is a good term for it. I will have to ask him why he takes it and I will listen to his reasons.

[georgia26]

Addiction is so confusing and hard to understand when youre not an addict yourself.. it is the norm though as coke deffo comes first, no matter what ive said in the past to my boyfriend the coke comes before, he doesnt act like him, he acts so selfish. I think itll take something drastic for him to realise he has a problem – he needs to get help ASAP, first step is the doctors.. xx

[b8988]

Adamuk – my husband is the same. When he’s normal he’s amazing, loving, loyal, gentle, calm etc.

One bad incident was when I caught him using in our house last Feb, he was deep in it then, I threw a mug at him in temper as he was lying to my face despite me having evidence. This was the night we both found out we were having our 5th baby.

Plus he knew about not using with our kids in the house. Well during that week he left me. He said in his head he hated me! He thought I was an abusive wife and he shouldn’t have to tolarate that! He was out of control. He said he didn’t think of me, the kids or the baby. He was adamant about splitting up. Then some days he would message me telling me he missed me etc, then ignore me. He said now, it’s because when you come down you realise you love people and you’ve messed up but you don’t like that feeling so you use to get rid of it! Is that how it works?

[adamuk]

That’s exactly what happens. You love everyone around you deeply and you know that you are hurting them and you want to push them away. The only person you hate is yourself. This drug is krazy. It changes people. But remember he is still in there and believe it or not he wants to change just does not know how. I’m stuck in the same vicious circle for the last 7 10 years. I feel like I’m missing something in my life but I don’t know what

[b8988]

Adamuk – onky trouble now is the he relapsed at Christmas and due to these sites telling you to stick to boundaries I threatened divorce. He then used that as an excuse to carry on using more as if he lost me and the kids he’s lost everything. He then was found chatting up a local barmaid, well he only told her she was attractive, but that is out of character for him. He says it’s bevause he feels like scum so some attention would be nice, and you have a fu*k it attitude so might as well fu*k everything up. I don’t think he’d physically cheat but I’m not happy about his behaviour at all!

By doing this do you think he would be putting the feelers out to move on with someone who he can lie to or wouldn’t mind his drug use like me. He says I’m crazy and there is no thought process behind it as you’re not thinking logically at the time, you’re not planning anything! He gets annoyed when I don’t understand.

[adamuk]

It’s true. When your on coke there is no logical planning at all. It’s all about the moment. To be honest he was just high and looking to flirt with somebody.

I’m going to tell you something. Threats to a Coke head do not work. It has the opp effect. Best thing to do is leave him to it and let him work through his problems

[b8988]

Adamuk- yes he’s a lovely bloke, despite all this. I’ve learned now threats don’t work. I do feel sorry for him and everyone else who’s got hooked as no one would plan on this lifestyle would they?

It’s a hopeless situation for the addict and the ones who love them.

Have you got someone supportive in your life Adam to help you through?

[adamuk]

I’ve given up for periods of up to 2 months at a time in the last 7 years. That’s the most. You then think you are ok and before you know it you are back to square one. I had a good business and lost it. Not due to my habit but external factors. People think pull yourself together but prolonged use changes the chemicals in your brain. I’ve cut down massively. I would disappear for 2/3 days on binges. I’ve given my finances over to my other half. This has helped hughly in regards to consumption. Down to £40 every other day. Every time I always say this is it then next time it’s the same sh*t all over again. I have lost contact with all my mates and turned into a loner. I’m thinking of going to CA that is my next step. I don’t want to be this person I wish I never touched this stuff

[danman83]

Adam, are you waking up having it? Or just at night?

Do you live on your own or partner or parents?

[adamuk]

Hey dan,

Say about 6pm. I’ll banga g in about an hour and a half. Then go home. As I’m normalish. It makes me feel normal. But next day is spent more or less in bed. I can’t be bothered to do anything g. 21 days clean is massive. How did u get out of the circle

[b8988]

Adamuk- omg you sound like my husband. He’s been an addict for prob 5 years although I only discovered the full extent in Feb last year. He never thought it was an issue. But he says the first two lines are nice but after that he just feels ill now, but each time you kid yourself that this time it will be different but it never is. He doesn’t drink with his, he uses alcohol when the anxiety of the coke kicks in as he does too much. He said in the beginning it was different and now it’s not fun. He said all the problems you have in your head straight seem to resurface when you go off on one now.

He lost his job last year too for refusing a drug test, that was my fault apparently for telling everyone he was a cocaine addict. He said it got back to his boss somehow. I ignore majority of what he says because everything is usually everyone else’s fault.

Annoyingly enough he had 6 months clean in the summer and his old personality was nearly back to predrug days. It was amazing! Then he relapsed. He did that by me sending him 3 hours away from us to stay with his mum, he said missing me and the kids was horrendous and the focus was to do anything in his power to come back to us and that over rid the need for drugs.

He’s been sent away again now but this time it will be for even longer, I need him to try to rebuild his life on his own, I can’t take the risk of it all happening again. He’s missing us like crazy again and attending daily N.A meetings, I check up on him 😉 so far so good.

Go get all the help you can, you only get one life and it’s such a waste!

[danman83]

Adam, id gone from once every couple of weeks to once a week, only friday.

But ive not told anyone this only my gf, i got some a few times in the day , soba. This never happend for me ever!.

So i new it was gettin worse. Basically you have to change your life around.

Ive started reading books. Some true stories on survival about a guy stuck on a boat that sinks and hes in the water with his crew. Basically its like what we go through and helps. Ive bought russell brands book on addiction. Theres tons of videos on CA meetings people talking about there stories, some are horrible what happens to some people , hence why they turn to drugs. Watch louise clarke on you tube crack cocaine part 1 2 3. Ive just bought her book.she knows shit loads.

When im coming down i have the worse depression and suicidal thoughts ever. My mate ran him self a bath to drown himself once because of it .

But you have to want to quit. Everything u do now. Change it. Delete your mates and dealers numbers. Delete facebook! Go for walks. Gym, make something. Do.summat.

Set yourself goals. Down load the app

Pocket rehab! Its brilliant all addicts on chat helping each other. And theres apart were u can click chat help if you are gonna use and it puts you through to some 1 in your position to talk and help you.

[danman83]

Heres my num pal {number removed} , if your gonna use and dont want to giz a text or summat and ill support you in not to doing it. Its up 2 u if u want tho mate

[danman83]

And you have to think adam.your having it every 3 days the amount of time your in bed recovering or using, you can be putting it in to more use full things..that take less time and more helpfull and healthier your life will improve so much. I cant say nowt im in the same boat. But ill lose my gf and kids if i carry on.

[adamuk]

Yeh I know exactly where you are coming from. You have a feeling of worthlessness! A overwhelming feeling of emotional drama. My emotional state is all over the show at times. Another thing you probably know is that a coke head is always looking for good coke. Lol and mostly the quality is always rubbish but that hope that it will be good and clean and give you that original buzz is tempting. I’ll delete all the numbers then be going through my itemised phone bill looking for numbers. I’m gona take some of your advice and look at the site and apps. Thanks man I appreciate your advice. People think it ain’t herion or crack but only someone who does it understands the krazy hold this drug can have on someone

[danman83]

Crack is cocaine tho. Its part of the same family.

[bluebell]

Thank you for sharing what it is like to be addicted to cocaine. My soulmate and husband who I was with for 19 years who is dad to my two children always smoked weed. 18 months ago he had a meltdown and said he hated me accusing me of cheating on him when I never had. He then left and demanded a divorce. It was only then I discovered he had been lying to me had £40,000 debt and had been doing coke for 5 years. During this time I had noticed a change in him, the lovely caring man was disappearing before my eyes and he would shout and scream at me and the children. After 4 months apart he begged to come back. I agreed provided he went to Open Road. He went 3 times and said he was cured.

Long story short we had 5 months of happiness then I went away for business and he changed again. During the World Cup he stayed out all night and one night told me he was out to get some MDMA and I couldn’t stop him. When he rolled in at 6am I gave him an ultimatum and said either me and kids or drugs and he said he didn’t love me and so was leaving. Worse he said he only came back the time before because he was coming down on coke.

We have been apart for 7 months. We are sorting the financial order of our divorce out. He moved two minutes up the road from me.

Please can you give me honest opinions on the following;

1. He wants to be friends and spend more time with me. I love the man he was but in my heart know he is gone forever. Should I say no and move on with my life? I will never love anyone else the way I loved him but he has hurt me and the kids way too much

2. He says he hasn’t done cocaine since he left. I suspect this is an utter lie as he is obsessed with money and pays me the minimum maintenance despite earning £70,000k a year. Is this utter bollocks? He is so convincing but I suspect it’s a lie

3. Is it possible all the nasty things he has said and done to me are because of the coke?

4. How much has his weed addiction since his teens got to do with this. I was always laid back about it but now wonder if that’s made him just as crazy

I hope someone can help me! All my friends just say forget the tosser. No-one understands how awful it is to live invasion of the body snatchers. ???? I loved my husband so much it really breaks my heart.

[georgia26]

Hi Bluebell,

Bless you, how awful.. he seems to be in deep then, to rack up 40,000 worth of debt and on a 70k salary, he must have a serious addiction.

I personally dont think you can be friends after loving someone, as the hurt will be prolonged, and youll end up back together and the issues will go on, youll be back to square one. You need to be together, work through it or split up completely.

he will be lying to you, addiction is SO manipulative they are amazing liars – addicts do not just ‘recover’ not if he was in deep like that, he will still be doing it and will be saying anything to get you to let him back in.

Coke changes people, the way the mind works, everything it makes you so so selfish so yes, it will be the coke but he will be aware of what hes doing – if he wanted to change and seek help, he would.

I dont think the weed has caused this, i mean it can cause mental health problems – but if his addictive tendencies are there already then he would’ve done coke and got hooked on that. He probs has an addictive personality.

I know they arent the answers you want to hear, if he really wants to change and admits hes got a problem and wants help then i would say try stick by him but if he doesnt, and he is still lying etc I personally would leave, you have children etc and if hes been doing it that long its going to be a long hard road and you dont want your kids to go through that.

how is he managing to pay the minimum payment on that sort of salary? is it through the CSA?

It is an incurable disease and takes dedication to get into recovery – if he isnt willing then move on, dont spend your life being treated badly.. for your kids sake too.

You can be happy again and do know, none of this is your fault. xxx

[adamuk]

Hey, I’m sorry to hear what you been through. He hid it well. My other half didn’t have a clue either.

1). Do you want to be friends. If yes that it should not be an issue. Don’t lock him out of your life. You have to remember whatever people say this is a illness not everybody understands.

2)this is a tricky one because you never know. I have given up for times but have started again. But I do know people who have stoped. But to be honest know he is not living with you he will more than likely be doing coke more than he was before.

3). This is an easy one. All the nasty things he said to you are directly related to him doing coke. It makes you mean and nasty and uncaring. It’s like it makes your heart turn to stone.

4) the weed addiction does play some part but to be honest weed doesn’t change you like you have described.

I’ve been there where your husband is. I lost my family for about 1 year because I would be in a rage. I’d hate everyone. I was a horrible person. I’m still addicted to coke and back with my partner but know I’m not nasty to them as I know what it felt like to lose them. I’m grumpy and moody some times but I never loose myself like that again. It’s hard but if you want to be with him don’t argue with him about the drugs and don’t menetion them. Nothing works. He will only stop when he can

[bluebell]

Thank you both for replying. I think in my heart I know that I have to emotionally detach. There is nothing in the world I want more than to believe he isn’t doing coke but I am kidding myself. I hate that he still lies to me even though we are not together.

Adam I wish he was where you are and has some level of insight but he really doesn’t. His dad confronted him and he denied it to him. His dad now doesn’t speak to him and tells me to get on with my life because me and the kids deserve better. He has said that he will only change when he sees it and hits rock bottom. My worry is whilst I remain friends I prevent that rock bottom. He often wants to hug me, obviously when he is coming down. When he is high he completely forgets me and the boys, even forgetting to pick my son up from school.

His mother is a total enabler and denies his drug use (his mum and dad are divorced) she blames me for everything saying I flirt with men. I don’t! This is all lies that he makes up about me. But she keeps feeding his lies by believing them. It’s so frustrating!

I feel cruel, but think Georgia you may be right. I can’t change him, however much I want him to.

It is the minimum CSA payment that he is making to me but that is significantly less than he used to pay. He also has refused to pay half for a residential school trip which was £300. It’s the meanest I can’t stand. It’s like he wants to punish me when I haven’t done anything! I have just been made redundant so will probably lose the house.

I will never love anyone the way I loved him, but I have put up with some really mean behaviour and think maybe I should just try and forget him. I’m not at all scared of being on my own. I have great friends and I have my boys.

Can I also say how relieving it is to finally communicate with people who understand this crazy world. For a long time I have felt like I am the one going mad. I’m quite exhausted xxx

[georgia26]

No problem, this forum helped me too a lot, as no matter how much I explained my bfs addiction to people they didnt understand, they get all judgemental too and to be fair i dont blame them as i was too before I had to deal with it first hand.

My boyfriend is slightly different – he went through a bad divorce, couldnt see his kids, got rinsed and his anxiety and mental health was suffering, so he started drinking self medicating with alcohol and tried cocaine – when i met him he was drinking 4 ish times a week and i noticed a potential habit – long story short hes noticed he has an issue now with drink/cocaine well substances that will ease his anxiety – hes stopped doing it but seems to relapse every 3 ish weeks which makes his anxiety and mental health awful, suicidal even, but he is getting help and wants to change, hes paying for addiction/anxiety counselling etc but it is all very draining I completely understand.

I am terrified to start my life with him, i want children/to get married – but my life is on hold until this issue is sorted.

I feel for you, so much. It must be so hard to let someone go that you love. Its like it would be easier if they were dead almost as they are here and alive but their old lovely amazing selves are dead and gone, its heartbreaking.

Its shocking what cocaine can do – please contact http://www.icarustrust.co.uk/ they will help you…

xx sending love to you, you will be happy again xx

[Author]

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