[missyx]

3 years addicted and would like to talk to other people in similar situations

[danman83]

U alright missy.. .im in the same situation as you. But im doing my best to quit.. im lapsing roughly once a month. Ive had enough of it. How much are u doing? And how often.

[missyx]

Hi Dan, I’m worse than you – weekly relapsing. Every time is ‘the last time’ how long you been using it ?

[danman83]

8 years.. whats your trigger to go get it? Do you have alcohol then get coke? If u want to stop.. you cant drink anymore..

Are you doing anything to stop? Are you feeling down and suicidal on the come downs?

[missyx]

Hi again,

No – coke first then I drink after to ease the come down. Me and partner go – we are each other’s triggers! I’m divorced and when my kids are with my ex we have a free night a week so we drive an hour from where I live to get really good stuff. We usually get through 2g between us in a few hours. Yes often feel suicidal after or even days after, feel guilty. Guilty about the kids, how much money we are wasting, debt we are in over it. Want to stop but the thrill/excitement to go each time wins ! Do you have it with others or on your own? Is yours after drink ?

[danman83]

Well both of you really need want to quit.. if its just you for instance that wants to quit and hes not to sure.. he might able to make you want to get it.. if that makes sence.

If u you want to quit.. u obviously know the trigger is when the kids are away.. so instead of that.. you need to do something totally different . You need to change your routine around.. decorate.. go gym.. cinema.. long walks..

Give some one your car keys when the kids have gone them pick them up the next day.

I feel.guilty about the kids.. but my kids get everything they need.. but i still feel guilty..

I have it on my own or sometimes with others. I cant stand the stuff anymre

[lmb97x]

I’m sorry but I’ve saw this response to this evidentially strong bloke for telling his story and you’ve just said the coldest response. So just because you can turn a blind eye to it and can say no doesn’t mean everyone else can. We all have different personalities and get triggered easier or just in a rough place and it’s triggered an addiction. It’s only day 1 and might not follow it through but the fact your constantly acknowledging it is a huge step because there’s people that have probably not even realised. Regardless of your resilience no one is weaker than anyone else, we are just human and we are all different.

[missyx]

There are some good ideas there, some I’ve thought of and some I haven’t-thanks. We do need to stop though it hasn’t ruined our lives yet but it’s only a matter of time. My kids get everything they need too but again that could change who knows. The odd time we have gone 2-3 weeks I can see I gradually start to feel better, different back to my of self I guess, so I’m surprised that you go a month and then give in. If you can go a month couldnt you could go 2? 8 years is a long time – do you worry about your health (I’ve started to) How old are you if you don’t mind me asking ?

[danman83]

There is a woman on youtube called louise clarke.. watch her videos on crack cocaine part 123.. shes an expert and has helped people to quit and she goes into detail, why we go back to it and other things.

If you have coke for 6 month, even if its once a month your addicted to it bwt.

So ive accepted that.

And believe me a month or 2 or 3 month you or not ok from it!. Your brain wants it.. and it will trick you in to getting it..1 way is… its been 2 month you will be fine..when u wont.. cause arguments with family, just as an excuse.. in a mates house were they have it, and you think you will be ok. But you wont.

Yes i do.. i know 2 lads my age.. 35 i am.. who have had strokes from it.. when mixed with beer it makes another drug in your body..

Do you know what dopamine is?

[danman83]

What im doing to help me quit now.. and it helps…

Ive took up reading and now im reading about a guy who had a 24 year coke addiction and beat it.

He also has a podcast called the alan charles show.. theres about 50 ep on so far.. they are all about coke addiction. And listening to them help me

[danman83]

Also i listen to other cocaine recovery stories, and they help. And take my mind off getting. I give my gf my phone n car keys fri night. And she locks them in a safe.

I had enough of it because the comedowns are awful and i feel depressed for days and days. Its not good at all. And if i did something stupid. It will effect my kids a lot.

I know afew people that have killed them selfs from it. One of my mates ran a bath to drown himself. But he luckily he never went through with it..

Does your bf want quit??

[missyx]

Hi, I’ve never tried crack-Have you ? I’ll check out the vids you suggested thanks. Does your girlfriend use it with you? Yeah we both want to quit but it’s obviously not that easy – like you say we are addicts! I always thought we wouldn’t get addicted because I read it’s not physically addictive, I just didn’t realise how difficult psychological addiction was! I know what dopamine is yes-that’s what it creates isn’t it ? Have you tried NA groups?

[danman83]

No never touched crack and ive no intentions to.. but cocaine is crack its just washed with bi carb .. i think..

Ye shes had it with me.. but she knows when to say no.. and i dont lol.

Dopamine is a chemical in the brain that makes you happy and sad. But when u have coke you use all your dopamine up.. and thats why u hit rock bottom soon after. Theres more about it on them vids.

No ive never tried groups. But i had 8 councilling sessions. Andthat helped i quit for 3 month.. and thought i was ok. But u never are. Im getting cravings bad tonight and its me bday aswell. But so far so good.

[missyx]

Me neither-don’t want to find out!

I had some last night, didn’t want to say then as you said you were craving it. Did you resist ? Happy birthday for yesterday.

How much do you use when you have it ?

I’m starting a new job this week so I’m hoping that’s going to help me keep off it as I’ll have less available time.

[danman83]

Thanks for the happy bday lol.

In the end no i never.. but it was so hard last night. Some one close to me sells it. Cant say on here and ive told them block my num. But they wont. But im glad i never got it in the end. And feel better today for not.

I tell my gf just one. But really can be up to 3. If i.go out i get 3. But she has some aswell. And may be one of her mates. But it sends my head west for days after. And i work nights. So its not good lol.

How much did you have?

And tbh a new job doesnt mean you wont.. alls it takes is meeting someone in that job who has it and your fuked lol. Sorry but im being honest.

[danman83]

On one of your post it said you in debt coz of it.. are u? How come you drive so far for it? Does no one do it near you? Were abouts are you?

Its easier to get than a taxi on time lol thats how bad it is.

[missyx]

Yes we have spent thousands on it, but getting money in control now. We live in Scarborough and we don’t know anyone who has good stuff here. None of our friends do it (it’s a secret we’ve kept from everyone) we travel to Hull, we know the dealer well – he’s trustworthy and it’s shit hot what we get.

Where abouts are you ? How come you’re strong enough only to get it monthly ?

[danman83]

Im in manchester.. its everywere round here.. i can get some in litrally 10 min.

Im not strong enough though lol its really hard. I neally lapsed last night. But thank god i never. I was thinking about it all night.

[missyx]

Well if it’s that easy to get then that makes you strong! I’m glad it’s not that available to us or we’d be in serious trouble. How long is it since you last had any ? Do you think about it everyday? I do. What do you do when you’re on ? We just talk and talk for hours

[danman83]

Been a week.. i go turkey in 30 days. So im gonna do my best till then not to use..

I more or less dream about it every day, that im using it and i wake up feeling gutted. Well my main problem is how i got addicted to it.. this is what ive learned, is that from using at partys and pubs and then when that stopped. I still wanted it.. so i was having it on my own in the house. Not all the time but quite a bit.

Which is sad on my own i know. And id just do gambling on me phone or summat.

Thats why im doing my best to stop. And recently its been when ive been out.

[missyx]

The week mark is so hard! You’ve caught up with sleep since the last time and or depressed – feeling all excited for it again. Pat on the back for resisting last night. Maybe we can help each other. When the cravings are bad it could be good to tell each other and maybe talk ourselves out of relapsing ? Lol.

It’s not sad – you love the drug unfortunately like me and so it doesn’t matter what you do as long as you have it. Do you ever go back and get more when you’ve run out? Do you drink or take Valium to ease the come down. We’ve done that and even driven after using it – very bad !

[danman83]

Thats what you suppose to do.. talk each other out of it when u get the cravings.

No i.just get it dropped off. Drinking makes the comedown worse for me..

And i use take some sleeping tablets straight after.. but ive binned them now. They wont be good for you mixing them. Having that shit has a roll on effect with everything. I wish i never had the stuff.

[missyx]

I know you’re right it does. Sick of feeling tired and having no interest in anything else. Apathy – I think the word is-lack of interest in anything else. I want so much to get more from life, like I did for the first 37 years ! I’m so scared I’ll never be the same again.

[danman83]

It does get better.. its just hard. But you also need put the effort in. It should be a bit easy for you saying as you have to travel an hour a way lol.

I know.. ive thought do i really want to be doing this at 50!

[missyx]

I’ve heard it does – but hard to imagine right now. Even though I only had it last night I’m already thinking about it again lol. Definitely don’t want to be doing it in another 10 years. Like you say just have to make the effort!

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