[serendipity24]

A bit of a ramble ….

The beginning of December, I discovered my spouse has a serious crack cocaine addiction. I had suspected something was off for months so finally confronted him. He had endless excuses as to where her was, why he was gone for days (working a job, blah blah blah), not responding to my texts. I became a ‘detective’ and checked his online phone records and could see he was up all night every night talking and texting. And the MONEY, ugh. We took out a loan to apparently do a kitchen Reno – nope, most of it went to the drug. In the summer he was sick and I thought he had cancer, never did I suspect it was the effects of crack cocaine. And the lies, it’s amazing how smooth he can be while spewing lie after lie. Finally after figuring it all out he had been using it since last January and I think he went full throttle during the pandemic.

But the worst of it is the effect on my mental health. I thought I was doing ok but just had a wake-up jolt that made we realize I have not been functioning at ALL. You think you’re doing ok and then realize you’ve been in a fog/autopilot.

And my husband is all happy go lucky in denial. I really think his brain is destroyed. He has been trying recover since beginning of December but with some ‘lapses’. He talks to a counsellor once a week but I really don’t think it’s enough. I am on constant eggshells, can’t sleep thinking he will creep out in the night (and he has). This morning I woke up at 5am and caught him walking in the backdoor – his first words were ‘It’s not what you think’ … like, come on!

I’ve hit rockbottom and I have decided I need to leave. But, both our adult children still live at home. I am more worried about them and trying to get them situated somewhere first – far away from this toxic home. But I am also afraid to leave the house in case he goes back full using and invites his drug friends over to stay!

Not sure how to cope with everything that has snowballed from his situation. I didn’t think it could get worse but it did.

And, question, is recovery from Crack Cocaine possible? I have read so many things saying it’s the most addictive drug out there and because of the psychological cravings, it is really tough. It would be a day to day battle for the rest of your life.

[dfh]

In a word no. 15 years and still in that same boat after rehab, an accident, nearly losing his job, family and friends. And guess what? I’m still the bad guy not him.

If I had the choice to go back I’d say 100% leave, in fact run. Like Hussain bolt. You can’t fix them and they don’t want you to.

[serendipity24]

Thanks for your reply, Dfh. I am working on leaving, helping my boys find places to stay first and then I am gone. Putting my mental health first. But this pandemic really makes everything more difficult! You sound like a strong person, thank-you again for the reply.

[dfh]

Yes I would definitely stick to that plan. I wish I had. I used to be strong but years of mental anguish have wiped that out. Honestly even now I’m having to tip toe around him as he has been asleep all day after being up all night. Xx

[suzie]

I feel your pain,IV been in exactly the same situation and the money that’s went missing is rediculous,he’s stolen my children’s Xmas money, sold their games consoles. I tried to help him back in August I took him in got him clean and he changed his number then the whole thing started up again, IV had people banging on my door for money out car windows being smashed

He dissapears for days at a time and convinces himself he’s only been gone for one,there’s no concept of time at all

IV come to the inclusion he will never change it’s just my son I feel for he doesnr understand as he’s only 7, the whole situation is horrendous I feel for anyone going through this ????

[Author]

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