[gardenfence]

Hello all

I wrote in a thread over Christmas that my ex ended our relationship out of the blue. It blind sided me, even though I knew he had a cocaine addiction I didn’t know it was now affecting him mentally. The fall out has been he’s cut me out of his life, he’s getting himself sorted for his addictions but I’m left feeling as if our year long relationship, and previous 3 year friendship was built on lies and chemically induced realities. I know my feelings were genuine because I don’t take drugs, I drink in moderation and I don’t smoke (all things they did). It’s hard to come to terms with being kicked out and the emotional door being slammed in my face so brutally and coldly.

Does anyone else or has anyone else felt like this when all they did was love someone without judgement or ultimatums? It’s as if they are saying I’m sorting myself out, I don’t need you now because you’re excess baggage and it’s all about me getting me better.

How do you get your head around this?

[bella2210]

Hello,

I’m in a very similar situation, my partner of 13 years has left our family home and gone to live with his mum to “sort himself out”, he has been clean from drugs for the most of our relationship but recently relapsed. It absolutely breaks my heart sitting here like I’m going crazy! I don’t understand why he has to leave to do it, tbh I think he’s more out of control than ever and whilst at his mums he can do as he pleases without being questioned.

I’m finding it hard not to message him, I really need to toughen up because I’m just being ignored and it’s hurting me more. I don’t get how he can just walk away from me and his son like we don’t exist anymore ????

Have you been trying to keep in touch with him? It’s hard to switch your mind off isn’t it? I wish I could just let go

[redfox20]

Hi ladies, had to message on here as in the same boat, it’s awful isn’t it being left in the dark. My partner i say partner loosely was in touch before Christmas new job doing well relapsed just before Christmas and since then has cut me off and not been in touch for a month now or seen our 3 children, we live apart at the moment due to hes addiction. i really hope he’s gone away to concentrate on himself and sort it out as he lost the job he got too only had it since Oct so he’s not in a good place. Hope you’re both okay and it gets easier if it’s meant to be for you it will happen if not then it’s meant to pass. Sending love it’s a nightmare and hopefully they see the light & recover.

[gardenfence]

Thank you Bella2210 and Redfox20 for your replies. I did regain some communication with him for a while, and he started to open up in messages that he had addictions and it all got too much and now needs to be by himself to sort things out. That at least has allowed me to understand he knows he’s got addictions and is sorting it out. For me and others no doubt it’s painful when someone turns their back on those who love them and wanted only good things for them. He’s told me he doesn’t want contact with me anymore. It does make you feel awful and you can’t switch off love overnight.

I’ve deleted all photos of him and us, deleted messages between us and returned jewellery he bought me as a way to start looking forward. Addiction is selfish and recovering addicts are applauded and quite rightly so for getting themselves better, yet the good guys like us appear to have our feelings and emotions disregarded and discarded by someone recovering from addiction. It’s the cruel side of addiction that is often ignored.

Seek good friendships to talk this through with, I am and they are my rock. I’ve spoken to a counsellor and they are brilliant too. Sunnier days are ahead and I hope we all get peace of mind soon and keep reminding ourselves we are good people.

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