[cmd]

My son is 31 and after many years of ‘helping ‘ him through problems and crises, including major depression, suicide attempts and debts of all kinds I have had to admit he has serious addiction problems. After a very bad year last year I agreed that he stay with me until he got back on his feet on the condition that there could be no drugs here. For many years I was unaware of his drug use but became aware at that time that he had had problems for years. Last year it was heroin. He consented to therapy then after a hospital admission following a near fatal suicide attempt but after a while wouldn’t continue. Two days ago I found drugs in his room and asked him to leave. he left very quietly – he has never been belligerent or angry. I have been seeing a therapist myself since the events of last year that shook me to the very core and that has been a great help. It has given me the strength to stop enabling him and a safe place to talk about how I feel. I no longer feel responsible and fully recognise only he can help himself. Having said all this, since he left I am so sad – on the one hand not knowing whether I will ever see him again – and I love him so much, and on the other fearing that he will ask to come back or get into a really bad state. There is a hole in my heart a million miles deep.

[icarus_trust]

Wow, you have been so strong. Doing the best for him must’ve been the hardest thing you have ever done. The Icarus Trust is a charity which provides support to anyone and everyone affected by addiction. Please do contact them on info@icarustrust.org or http://www.icarustrust.co.uk so you can have someone else to speak to. I really hope things pan out and you see him again soon, and sober.

[icarus-trust]

How very sad for you! I know it’s hard but try to remember that it is not your fault and that he has to take responsibility for his drinking habit.
It sounds like you could really use some support for yourself. I work for a charity called The Icarus Trust which is a charity that supports the friends and families of drug and alcohol users. If you contact us we could put you in touch with one of our ‘Family Friends’, a trained volunteer who would understand how you are feeling and maybe would help you to find a way ahead. It’s really good to be able to talk to someone who understands so I hope you may give it a try. It is a free service.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org
I really hope that you can get some support for yourself. Good luck!

[feefaa]

That sounds very similar to my boyfriend, although he crossed the line a few months ago and got physically abusive. He was quite upset with himself and I said he should think about going to the doctor and get some anti depressants. He did and he is much much nicer for it. Although he only drank before at the weekend it was a BIG drink like a bottle of vodka, or whiskey or rum in a night. Now he doesn’t drink nearly as much as that. And I’d say instead of being down right evil I’ve seen him be quite nice despite the amount he’s drunk. So maybe you could try suggesting something like that? It’s that or you bite the bullet and leave, that’s a tough call tho. Good luck

[icarus-trust]

Hi Michelle,

I’m so sorry to read your story and to hear what you are having to deal with because of your partner’s drinking.
If you think it would help we have people you could talk with at The Icarus Trust. We are a charity that supports the friends and families of addicts. If you contact us you could talk with one of our experienced and trained people which might help you to see a way ahead.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org
I hope this helps. Good luck.

[michelle]

Thank you for your reply & advice I think I will give them a try. He has sent me 54 text messages today constantly trying to wear me down like he always does.

[anon22]

Sorry to hear your story. I had very similar 6 years ago and finally got out so there is hope. I tried and failed so many times with friends and family not understanding why I kept going back. We have 2 children together and that was the reason. I kept thinking it would be for the best. One day when he was kicking off and saying he wasn’t drunk something clicked and I walked. It hasn’t been easy and I struggle knowing what I should or shouldn’t be doing with the children. He used to see them and it got to point where I didn’t know if he would be sober so stopped contact. Sorry for essay, my first time on here!,

[icarus-trust]

Good luck to both of you.

[cant-take-no-more]

I’ve had the verbal abuse from my son, and it cuts like a knife..the last time he was verbally abusive I asked him to leave and had to call the police to remove him…it was the best thing I did….none of us deserve it, and I took a stand and sent a message to him, I would not tolerate it…harsh I know, even heart breaking, but It just couldn’t go on..he had a choice to get sober or leave me out of his sad life…..he made the choice, to get help…it’s been 9 hard months and it’s one step at a time…and I’m not going to sugar coat it…..it’s bloomin hard….but I stand side by side with him on his road to recovery…..because he needs all the support he can get just to get through the day….

[cmd]

Being strong might be a start but it isn’t enough. My son has tried three times to kill himself since I posted. His drug use comes from a serious underlying condition it now seems and he is now in hospital under a section. He is likely to be discharged within two weeks to a waiting list for treatment. It may be my choice to have him back with me or let him be homeless. No words will express how I am feeling.

[Author]

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