[juliem55]

Hi, I don’t know how to help my daughter. Last night had to call an ambulance as she was totally non-responsive and unable to communicate – she had food stuck in her mouth and looked dreadful. The ambulance staff and medical team were great but did not test for what she had taken – just kept her in hospital overnight with drip and oxygen. She told staff that she had taken vodka but her two friends she was with told us that she had been acting really weird for a few hours before she even took her first sip of vodka and then only had a small amount. We tipped her bag out when the ambulance crew arrived and found a grinder for cannabis and also a used strip of Tramadol tablets. She had also told her friends that she had approached a middle aged stranger at a bus stop who had also given her drugs to smoke. She has just been dismissed without any support and we don’t know how to help her. She recently purchased £2,000 of Cocaine and we got her some support for this but even though we suspected she was still using the drugs support worker said that she believed that she was no longer taking drugs. Her friends have told us (in confidence) that she regularly skips college to meet up with drug dealers and begs other people for their medication. We believe she has a drug addiction but no one else believes us because our daughter is so good at convincing them otherwise. We are worried that she will end up dead because she is mixing all sorts of substances all together such as Ketamine and synthetic cannabis. How can we help her?

[doctors-wife]

How dreadful – my heart goes out to you and your precious daughter.

Get yourself some support either from http://www.teenchallenge.org.uk

or google The Recover Course who do 12 week courses for addicts and family support alongside.

Cocaine, tramadol and ketamine are highly addictive and only rehab will save her I’m sorry to say, so in the meantime save yourselves and do all that you can to stop enabling her – cut all money streams and don’t trust her. T

In the meantime try and engage with her beyond talking about her drug habits. Take her out and try and be interested in her as a person. Drug counsellors use Motivational Interviewing techniques to get the addict to think about the consequences of their drug taking – rather than lecture; ask her questions which will make her think about what she is doing to herself.

Call the police or crimestoppers anonymously to report the dealers or even your daughter if she is under 18 she is a minor and it is a safeguarding situation – she may be being exploited – in which case you can report her to the Multi-agency Safeguarding Hub – better to do that before she is 19. Call the college counsellors and tell them of your concerns. Expect lies and to be used and manipulated.

Take her to the GP

Heartbreaking but stay strong. Loving her will not be shown by giving him money.

Sending all good wishes for strength and wisdom. xx

[juliem55]

Doctors wife – thank you so much for taking the time to reply. I have found this very encouraging. We have already tried some of the things you suggest and without much success but you have suggested some new things for us to try and I will take these under consideration as to how we might best proceed with these. Thank you.

[doctors-wife]

Bless you Julie,

No one understand the love of a mother unless they are a mother themselves and even then we don’t really understand it until it is tested to the limit.

If you can talk to her tell her you love her and praise the smallest things she does which are positive at every opportunity. Seize any small glimmer of her communicating a desire to change – ‘I’m sick of feeling like this’ …. ‘ My life is sh1t’ etc.

Try not be preach but question and then she will question herself and that is positive.

If you are a praying person I would advise you to pray too – it will help you and bring about hope beyond that awful helplessness feeling. Otherwise keep a diary which you can share with her when needed, it might bring her a better sense of perspective and also help you see which direction things are going.

You sound like a most worried mother but one who is strong and actively seeking all the help she can. expect to be not sleeping, stressed and emotional – bravery doesn’t come without fear, so be kind to yourself, surround yourself with positive people and cancel as many stressors in your life which you can. Then you’ll be in a better place to help your daughter and stay sane! X

[2468]

Hi there I’m in the same position with my son and no one knows how hard it is until you are in the position them self’s and that’s what makes it so difficult as we have to be strong when we are struggling. We now what we should do but it’s putting it in to practice I need help to cope

Rachel worried mother

[juliem55]

To doctors wife and Rachel thank you both for taking time to write some words of support for me and my family. Just to say that I really appreciate it. I have a whole army of family, friends, colleagues and church groups who I have asked to support us in prayer on this and that is a comfort to because I believe in a God who answers prayer. Day to day, life is tough, all consuming and unpredictable. I don’t seem to have much of a relationship at all with my daughter – I try to do nice things for her to show that I care but sometimes we do have to challenge. She came home with a large lock blade knife in her bag this week and we asked her about it she went bolistic and started screaming abuse at us. She then ran off and was missing all night with her phone switched off and only a thin t-shirt and leggings. We had to get the police involved and it meant my son, myself and my husband all taking time off work and school to look for her. We are mentally exhausted but she is totally oblivious to the whirlwind of destruction that she is leaving behind her. Not really sure how to reach out to her but will take on board the idea of praising her where I can, even for the little things. I have tried telling her beautiful and clever she is but this just winds her up I am afraid. Thank you for saying that I should expect to feel stressed and emotional and not sleeping as I feel a bit of a failure for being all these things. Rachel keep going even though it is so hard. The community police have been a wonderful source of support to us even just to ring up and have a general chat about things. Also we joined a local family support group and found this really helpful. Sometimes I find it hard, as perhaps you will to talk to friends and family because as you say unless they have actually been through it they do not comprehend how hard it is. I live in hope that one day we will be needed when they get to the end of themselves and perhaps one day they will appreciate what we did in standing by them but I realise that this is not a given and that we must be there even when we do not get appreciated.

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