[Despair]

My partner of 16 years died 5 weeks ago. She basically drank herself to death over a three year period. I left after two years of constant emotional abuse and despite being separated for a year  I continued to get verbally abused multiple times a day by phone messages  texts  emails, etc.  I am so angry about being worth less than a bottle of wine to her when we used to be so happy. I understand about addiction, could probably write a book on it I’ve read that much literature, but ppl are not addicts within days  it’s a lifestyle choice that becomes an addiction. I’ve tortured myself for over a year  questioning if I had stayed would she still be alive and the truth is no as she acknowledged a problem but dud not commit to any rehabilitation.  All the so called experts advise is talking about yourself not them  only talking to them when they’re sober, etc which is impossible if they never are.  Alcohol is so damagiing to everyone affected by it and it turned my partner into a monster. I’m still grieving from 3 years ago when I lost the person I knew and loved. Don’t think there is enough support out there for family members.

[np92]

<p style=”text-align: center;”>Hi,</p>
I’m very sorry to hear about the loss of your partner. I just wanted to say that it is not your fault and you couldnt have done anything to save her from her addiction. I’m currently living with my alcoholic husband who has had 6 seizures in the last 2 months. He continues to drink even though he has 2 beautiful children. I’ve come to the harsh reality that only that person can stop themselves from drinking. They don’t seem to care about who they hurt along the way. I worry that the outcome for my husband may be the same as your partner. But we are not at fault. Please don’t let this burden your life. You are not alone.

[Despair]

<p style=”text-align: right;”>Thanks for the support. It’s so hard and I wish you all the best with your situation.  It is awful and there will always be a sense of how did it get to this.</p>

[careaboutyou]

Dear bereaved partner.

I do understand, my late husband was an alcoholic and I went through 5 years of hell trying to help him.

You did nothing wrong, I’m sorry that you received all this abuse whilst trying to help someone from a destruction of their own making. I’ve been there….

Do not blame yourself, she did it to herself. It is so true when you say that you have the feeling that you were worth less than a bottle to her. I too felt this, that my beautiful Son and I, were worth less than a drink to my late husband.

I am 11 years on from his death and it took years to find forgiveness for him, for the pain that he put me through. But I know that the alcoholic that he became, took over the person that he actually was, and the person that I originally fell in love with. It was as if he had been possessed by the devil, I felt like I was fighting the devil for his soul.

Do not question yourself over whether you had stayed, if she would still be alive. Alive for what? For more endless suffering, wrestling within the throws of alcoholism. You were not responsible for her or her choices, she was not a child.

I hope that you can peacefully go forward with your life and find a new normal partner ( I have ).  I wish you all the happiness in the world. Your ex made very bad choices in life, that was not your fault.

[Author]

Posts