[donna]

Hi…..Ive posted on here before. I am sad to say that nothing has really changed and my husbands addiction to cocaine is still making my life miserable. In fact the word miserable does not do it justice. He is destroying my soul. He never takes cocaine sober but loves to go out and drink and let his hair down as he does have a stressful job. Once he has had 3-4 pints he will start with the cocaine. He surrounds himself with people, that i dont even think he would call friends, they are just people who also want to take coke. One horrible individual is quite prepared to have him at his flat for 4/5 days as long as my husbands pays for everything. This hurts me SO much. I feel unloved and rejected. To get him home is often a struggle and he is abusive to me. Once home it takes him 2 days to recover from his binge. Then he has to go back to work doing nights and we start the whole cycle off again. Work for 5/6 days, one night off and supposed to be one night out turns into 3 or 4 days. His job is under threat, he is spending alot of money that he recently inherited. I am just blown out of the water, confusion, anger, sorrow. I am really nasty to him which im sure doesnt help but he hurts me and hurts me and wont seem to stop. He doesnt care about my feelings. I have no money of my own, the home we live in is his. Have i really got to force him out, divorce him and give up? I do love him but maybe im fooling myself. He is not the person i fell in love with 17 years ago. Phew…..that feels good to off load. If he is truly addicted then I will try to understand, but is he just selfish? He has been taking cocaine like this, ie bingeing for around 25 years. When we met he had it under control but lately its rearing its ugly head again to the point where he cant or wont control it.

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