[redfox20]

Been reading a lot on this lately as I didn’t realise there are different spectrums dependence is very similar to addiction but it doesn’t affect the brain in ways addiction does or behaviour although you have withdrawals/cravings too if your body becomes dependent in the same way you do with addiction. I think my ex is dependent which we only ever came to realise when I tried to stop him using it ever again. He’s not the typical addict never hurt stole or been abusive to get it if he hasn’t got money he will go without it that’s not to say that if he got money after a long period he wouldn’t go get it as he’s dependent on it. What are peoples views on it as until I started telling him it became more of a problem in our relationship where do you draw the line with it though? Can you or should you accept it every now & again if they are dependent not addicted some people never become addicted the more you use addiction takes over that’s the next stage, can I ask if anyone has looked into this or when did your relationships become a problem once you knew about their cocaine use how were things before because it was only until I put my foot down did we have problems I know drug use of any kind isn’t acceptable but so many people in society are functioning working caring for children paying their bills so is it a problem when we don’t accept it do we make it worse? Just my mind dump here feel free if anyone has anything to comment or disagrees.

[lauren99]

Hey!

I’m in the exact same boat – I realised that my partner is dependent rather than an addict when reading through these forums. He is the kindest person I know; has never asked for money or been abusive or stole anything. I know these things don’t necessarily make up the qualities of a good person but I feel like I have it lucky in this sense. However, this still doesn’t stop me feeling like a second option when it comes to his withdrawal periods and occasionally when he is using. The dependency has never been an issue when it comes to work or money or bills, but I have seen it become a problem when we are out with friends or family – its like we have a time limit on how long we can spend with them before we need to get home for him to take more. I’m also struggling to see where I need to put my foot down and make boundaries and wonder if you or anyone else has any advice?

This is kind of just a mind dump for me too and as bad as it is, its reassuring to know other people are going through the same things that I am.

[redfox20]

Hi thanks for replying back to my post, nice to know someone can relate to the dependency side of things rather than addiction, I have read stories on here and thought he hasnt done that or isn’t that way but either way as you said it hurts when they choose to do that whether you like it or allow it or not. My ex used for years and paid he’s bills etc but once the thought of having a few got in he’s head ie going pub then he would get cocaine too and honestly whether I agreed or not or made it clear that I wasn’t happy he was out drinking while I was left with the kids that was my problem at first me not getting a break and him having the freedom to pop in or out to have a few beers which it never was a few beers. It does get worse my ex did in the first lockdown I think that’s what has made him even more dependent where he’s not paying bills but he’s work hasn’t been great for a year now really and things have built up he has a car on finance they could repo at any point. We no longer live together because he relapsed after not doing it for 7 weeks but didn’t tell me and lied to my face, plus my mental health was taking a hit. I would say get some boundaries to protect yourself it’s so important especially for your mental health the more you help I feel the more they will go against you that’s been the case for me. Do you not like him doing it at all or just not around you? Based on how you feel that should help with setting and sticking to boundaries. Hope this helps feel free to message me I check on here regularly. X

[lauren99]

Hey again! It really is nice to know that even when it is just a dependency problem, others still feel the same way I do. I am so sorry you went through that, especially with kids – I don’t have any myself so I can’t begin to imagine what that must have been like. I really hope things are better for you now.

I don’t have a problem with him using at all, it has honestly never bothered me but its the way he becomes when he is in withdrawal or knows he cant get any for a while that really tends to het to me. It’s like his bad mood then becomes my bad mood and we both start to annoyed with each other. I just don’t know how to bring this up without causing an argument? I’m going to try and figure out the best way to talk to him about it where we both feel like we are being listened to by the other.

Thank you so much, that really means a lot! x

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