[millie]

My son has took 2 overdoses one nearly fatal this week he has lost his home .his girlfriend and his job. I did not know he is a cocaine addict. I had tried to distance myself as he had become abusive. I had guessed he was on weed. He owed thousands to drug dealers who were threatening him and the family. I am dealing with a dying mum. He has told so many lies. He has set the family against each other. I have no support as my current husband is not his dad and he does not like him. I have just started a new job and my employer has found out and will not keep me on . I cant sleep ,eat or breathe.due to chest pains. My family say they are sick of me talking about him and I should just let him die. He is a very talented musician. I have sent food to him as I am not giving him money. My life is over I cant bear the pain .I cant go to see him Im scared of the way he looks. He cries for my help. I cant bear it. How do I carry on living

[icarus-trust]

Dear Millie,

Thankyou for sharing your heartbreaking story. I am sorry that life must seem very tough for you right now.

It really sounds like you could do with some help for yourself. I’m wondering whether you have spoken to your GP ? Or you might like to contact The Icarus Trust. We are a charity that supports the families and friends of addicts. We have people you could talk to if you think that would be helpful. Maybe that would help you to feel not so alone.

You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org

All the very best.

[lime18]

Hi Millie I’m louise it’s my first time on here I’m not sure if I’m doing it right or if you will get my message I hope you do do as I would love to chat .your life sounds just like mine my son is 29 and addicted to cocaine it’s all the same paid drug dealers thousands my husband isn’t his dad had my Windows put through “A good few years ago”but it never ends I always say I could write a book I have tried everything he crys and I go running because I want to save him and help him but it never gets any better .I wait for a call or knock on the door and live on my nerves and like you don’t sleep as I wake up during the night with my heart racing wondering how he is I feel that he will die and like you struggle with that every day prob 24 /7 I hope you get this message and replie..louise

[lime18]

Hi again Millie I’ve just read your post again and I can’t tell you how similar we are it’s devastating my son is homeless even though he has had more help than I can say but he’s not helping himself sofa surfing tonight and I’m meeting him tommorow to get some lunch he’s not eaten for 3 days and not changed his socks since last Friday?so he says how bad does that make you feel.but he prob won’t turn up and he may or may not have a phone depends if he’s sold it to a taxi driver for drugs as that’s what he does and no benefits as no bank account and no Id the struggle continues

[cmxx]

Hi

I’m so sorry to hear that you’re having such a hard time at the moment. It’s important you talk to someone about how you are feeling.

In addition to the support options above, you can phone Samaritans on 116 123 for someone to talk to.

If you have any other questions about what other support is available please do get in touch with Adfam at admin@adfam.org.uk.

Best wishes,

Clara

[robbiejames]

I am in the same position with my 29yr old son. I really am struggling to focus on anything else other than his addiction. Feel numb and can’t enjoy life ????

[ozone99]

I also know how you all feel my son is destroying all of us but I can’t turn against him I try and be strong and turn him away then I feel guilty I’m a bundle of nerves and am also waiting for that inevitable knock on the door xx

[millie]

I feel your pain it is destroying my marriage my job and my relationship with my daughter. I am fixated on his death. I worry I haven’t enough money to bury him. People are fed up of me talking about him and say they wish he would die. I feel like my life is over. I dont contact him now because I am scared to see the state he is in then I feel guilty. Everyone saw us as a nice family and they now look down their nose at us. I started a new job and they are looking to fire me. I hope you have a supportive family and you have help. May god protect you and your son

[ah91]

Hi Millie, I’m really sorry to hear about your son.. and how long this message is!!

how long has he been doing it for? Have you had any help at all? Im going through the same with my boyfriend who’s also 29 hes a cocaine addict, been to rehab which didn’t do anything they had so much freedom it was ridiculous! Tried hypnotherapy and I even quit my job to take him out the country for a few months and it still didn’t help. I was lied to for near enough our whole relationship by him and his mum until may this year when he got that bad doing it every other week! He doesn’t do it socially on his own and I to fear about that call every single day he leaves for work. I’m against lying I’ve had to go against what I believe and lie to my side of the family so people don’t think badly of him. He avoids me like the plague once he’s done it, only a few weeks ago we change our tactics he used to run to his mums and he would hide there for a few days and I’d wait for him to come home. This time I went round there.. as soon as I rang the door bell he jumped out the back window and hid ontop of the shed and he was like a scared cat. He ran away and didn’t come back until 2am. We have a no cash rule in the house, he’s not allowed to take out cash unless I’m with him and it’s for our personal training as I make him come with me, I have a tracker on his car to make sure he goes to work and also on his phone. Since that night it was like he was at his lowest point he had ever been. I paid for another isolated rehab which he refused to go to, we have it on standby in case but he promised he would go to meetings, find a sponsor and give him credit where it’s due he has! At the age of 27 it should be the best years but I know deep down he can over come this and that’s one of the reasons I stayed because he’s not a bad person, he’s the sort of guy that brings me flowers at 7am and I’m sure neither is your son. I’d say keep fighting no matter how stressful or frustrating it may be because he needs you, your husband should try to understand look up videos of how the addiction damages part of their brain. Also buy some macadamia nuts and liquorice my mother in law researched and found that when they get the feeling they need to do cocaine it helps.. hope you replie xx

[lime18]

Hi Millie and AH91 it’s so sad to read both your stories what is it with 29 year old men ..

[ah91]

Lime18 – I was thinking the same when reading all the posts. This world is a dangerous place everywhere you go it’s offered. I wouldn’t dream of doing any sort of drug.

In these circumstances it’s a mind field trying to get help was a nightmare unless you go private but doctors, emergency 111 couldn’t help they just directed me to FRANK..

[lime18]

Hi again I was just making sure my post went to the right place as I think some of my others have gone to myself ? Maybe you could let me know…Millie I understand fully the fear of losing your son I also think about a funeral what a terrible thing for a mum to have to do and people who know me get sick of it I try not to talk about him but my daughter knows by my behaviour as I can’t relax and am hyper it disgusts me that people look down on you I expect you are a lovely family just like mine is people need to stop judging as they never know what may happen to one of their loved ones..my son is in prison and I’m hoping to get to see him next week I will be scared and extremely upset but rang hi probation officer earlier and he said if my son engages there is help but I’m sorry to say he’s had 10 years of help but never helped himself so I hope to god this may do it he’s only there for 2 months for not engaging with probation and he’s never been before. I’m thinking of you both but yes I feel he’s addiction and behaviours have spoilt a big chunk of my life xxx

[lime18]

Yes I’ve had doors slammed in my face for a long time earlier this year he was having an epic meltdown in my car I literally didn’t know we’re to turn I drove to a local crisis centre an begged them to help us ..they did nothing just said take him to the hospital xx

[ah91]

Yeah your messages are coming through lime18. I can’t imagine how you are feeling your sons in prison. However don’t be scared he’s your son. Look at it that This could be your chance to say what you need to say, I used to scream and shout from frustration but the last time I calmly said to him you know what I’m at that point where I’m going to walk, you either continue to do it end up on the streets, or you can kick yourself up the arse find some willpower and fight it together and he has surprised me.

[lime18]

Thanks for your reply Ah91 I haven’t had any emails from Adfam so didn’t see your message. But came on here to say ..Hi to all the mum’s or dad’s of addicts how are you ? I think about you and the stories you have told and hope things are ok and maybe getting a bit better?for anyone?.xxx

[ah91]

it’s now the 3rd week and he’s stayed away from cocaine. I know it doesn’t sound a long time but from doing it once a week locked in his room for 3 days I’m so proud! I was a little anxious start of the week because that’s when he normally relapses but I got past that feeling and I had nothing to worry about. He’s focused on getting fit, gym, personal training and is back to work 2nd full week no days off! 2-3 meetings a week. There is hope and I know it’s a long road for recovery but I’m starting to feel like I’m getting the love of my life back. Lime18- did you get to visit your son? A x

[lime18]

That’s great news Ah91 I will be keeping my fingers crossed for you.. I’m going to see him tommorow with my daughter and feeling quite anxious about it xx

[lime18]

Hello to you all I hope things are going well ? With your loved ones ? I’ve seen my son today in a prison and couldn’t possibly have the time or texting to bore you with it all but mum !! Has been drinking wine and Sat alone longing to talk to someone. Don t suppose any of you ever feel like me ? Xx

[desperate]

So sad reading all your posts on this site. I have written my own post and also answered on other posts. Am actually getting confused on who’s I have been writing on as they all seem to be similar posts. I have written about one son on one post then spoke about another one on someone else’s post. One of my sons is doing ket and it’s actually destroying him more than the coke is destroying my other son.I Actually detest what these addictions have done to two of my boys. If anybody had been reading all the forum then you have probably come across some of my posts so won’t repeat myself. I totally feel for each and everyone of the people on here. It’s a tough life seeing the people you love destroying themselves and destroying the families involved. The fear that I have lived with over the years when they were younger, is the same as what I have been reading. My husband is not the blood father so that makes it harder. It’s been a long bumpy road with a few smooth bits. 26 and 28 yes I worry but there comes a time when you have to take a step back. I have not given up and never will. I love all my children just these two have been very time consuming and hard work. They don’t want to stop so what can I do. They are also suffering with their mental health issues but the drugs make it worse. I still have my meltdown when it gets on top of me but then I have to be strong again because deep down I am the only one who really cares about them. I need to be strong for when they come down with a bang feeling suicidal. It’s draining and constant but over the years I have learnt to enjoy some of our time too. Sometimes you have to take a step back for the sake of your own sanity. I am feeling strong at the moment but i also weaken a lot of the times. Yes it’s been hard but not as hard as some of you have had it. I can not give advice as I don’t know the answer. Take care all

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