[univava]

My husband told me two months ago he had a crystal meth addiction. Prior to this I have spent over a year thinking my husband was working late and staying in the office when he was taking drugs. Even throughout my pregnancy I would cry worried where he was because he was too out of it to call me and often was scared I would go into labour on my own. When our second son was born, he didn’t bond for a long time and still seven months on feels agitated if he’s cries because he doesn’t know what to do. He is a binge user and I have out him in touch with various charities but he starts their help, e.g counselling then relapses after a few weeks and disappears for a week or so without speaking to me. This has been on and off for a few months. I have now given him an ultimatum to get the help he needs or I will separate from him. The constant disappearing is confusing my eldest son who gets angry at me for his daddy not being there and is very clingy to me. I’m not coping and shout at my son though he’s just acting up because he’s confused. What do I do for the best. I want to support my husband but can’t take him disappearing all the time and feeling constantly scared he’s going to use again and again. Especially not at the expense of the stability of the home for my children. My husband does want to stop but refuses rehab as he is a contractor and won’t get paid for time off work, plus private rehabs are so pricey, but I feel this is the only option to get through this. When he comes back after a binge he’s tired and depressed and agitated. What sort of life is this for my children? At the same time I don’t want him not to see the boys so I feel trapped.

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