Desperate for help

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    • #6519
      captain1987
      Participant

      Hi

      I can’t quite believe I am here but in my mind taking this step is the first step to getting better and taking control back of my life. I have always dabbled with recreational drugs but since I got with my current partner I’ve found myself changing into someone I don’t recognise anymore. He used to have a cocaine problem….lying a lot and hiding alcohol and his drug dependence. I’m not really sure what happened as we did take cocaine together maybe once or twice a month on a night out but somehow this has spiralled and I’ve found myself taking cocaine with him on more and more occasions. So much so that it is 3 or 4 times a week. I’m so embarrassed to admit this and I seem to have this urge to blame him for this downward spiral. He doesn’t think we have a problem but I’ve told him this is not normal behaviour. I don’t think If I was single and not living with him id be here now but I can’t continue to blame him and do nothing myself about it. I’ve decided to try and get some sort of support to conquer this battle once and for all. I’m so tired of feeling hanging or tired and stressed out. I just know if I can get through even a week without it il be on my way to better days. All in all I’m here to try and refocus and gain insight into other peoples experiences. Does anyone else find themselves taking drugs more because their partner does? I can’t believe I’ve let my life slip like this I never thought I’d sink this low to deal with my stresses by taking cocaine. Any advice to help me through my first week clean would be so so appreciated. I really want to be able to get my life back. Thanks in advance for any advice or support anyone can give❤️

    • #21194
      lindyloo
      Participant

      Hi captain, welcome to the forum. Everyone here has a loved with addictions or are people in recovery offering advice and support or some are seeking advice.

      My son has alcohol and cocaine addictions but is clean and doing well just now.

      If you read Dot’s story (next to this one) he is currently 9 months clean and is sharing his full story.

      No one will judge you, we are all here for each other.

      I wish you well

      Lx

      • #21202
        captain1987
        Participant

        Thankyou so much for your reply I am very encouraged by the stories I am reading on here. It’s given me faith already that this road to recovery is possible. I will be online tomorrow in the pre empting knowledge that I will be experiencing cravings. Ridiculous how subtly This has got a hold on me 🙁 at least I now have a place to come online when I’m having these incessant impulses. Thanks again for your reply it means more than you will know❤️All the best to your son It’s great to hear he is doing well! X

    • #21199
      libertas
      Participant

      The fact that you want change and your remarkable honesty about yourself means that you are stronger than you think. It is hard and will continue to be so at first which is why you must show absolute determination. If you can feel the health benefits after 1 week that’s good but this is when you need to be at your utmost defense. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise, this is your life! Count the days and the weeks. Soon you’ll be counting months and years thinking how could I have put myself through that. Tough lesson but hopefully this will propel you to greater things and overcome any challenge that sets itself before you. Best of luck

      • #21201
        captain1987
        Participant

        Thankyou so much I really appreciate all these words- I am so ready to call it quits and I really do feel that this online forum could be an excellent starting point. I know today I won’t feel like it as I have a really important job interview tomorrow. What worries me is tomorrow-if job interview goes well il probably feel like celebrating but if it goes badly il feel like blocking things out so I plan to come on here and document my struggle and reach out for help in those few hours of cravings. The replies mean so much to me so Thankyou to both who have sent kind words of encouragement! I read Dots post and it gave me so much faith that it is possible. 9 months seems a long way off but it does show it is possible. Thanks again everyone. Feeling good and motivated today to get this sorted once and for all❤️My friend laughed when I told her I’m seeking help saying I don’t have a problem? I told her I’d rather her say nothing if she can’t be supportive x

    • #21203
      lindyloo
      Participant

      You’re welcome, we’re all here for each other.

      Keep posting and stay strong ????

      Lx

    • #21204
      libertas
      Participant

      You know that regardless of the outcome of the interview if you celebrate by going off it or drowning your sorrows it will only result in one outcome which is remorse, self pity, damage to your health and state of mind. Capture this moment of strong will and take it as a sign that something deep in side you is telling you to stop.

      If the interview goes well, it will lead you onto better things and if it’s not meant for you, you have to learn from it and something better that’s right for you will come along as long as you keep trying.

      The key is to enjoy yourself for who you are you can still laugh and joke with friends and have a good time without booze or substances.

      Look back at the last day, how did you cope? Life was better without it.

      It takes a few moments of strong will to say no and you may have to keep doing that for a while but the reward from knowing you can do it and the immense benefits are hard to ignore.

      Good luck with your interview. You can do it!

    • #21206
      dot
      Participant

      So you are at the stage where you know it’s an issue.

      The problem you have is by doing it with him you have made it “acceptable” to do and he knows no different.

      The debts start mounting up and the use increases. You need to address it now or it won’t get sorted but no offence it has gripped you.

      One week off won’t be enough.

      Routine (go bed on a set time wake up a set time)

      Eat healthily (3 meals a day whether you are hungry or not)

      Exercise (get out go on walks stay hydrated and eat l)

      Cut alcohol for a few months its definitely the biggest trigger

      Glad you’ve gone for help do these things and it will make stopping easier. Plenty of multi vitamins

      You can do this. Does your partner want too though? If either of you doesn’t it’s gonna be a battle…

      • #21208
        captain1987
        Participant

        This is all so useful for me Thankyou. I’ve already planned my evening tonight and I’m looking forward to going to bed after nice relaxing bath with my meditation audio and getting some self care back into my routine! I am so so grateful for even being able to speak on here to people who understand and who will not judge me honestly it’s the biggest help right now. I’m aiming for 1 week as I know if I say I’m never doing it again I’m likely to set myself up to fail. If I set myself week by week challenge I think it’ll seem easier to conquer. The issue is with my partner I know he won’t stop. He lies about it and is so dishonest he doesn’t see it as a problem. I used to go mad when I found out he’d been doing it behind my back back in the days when I didn’t really touch it. Now i find myself just as bad as him. I’m disgusted with myself but I know I have it in me to stop. If he carries on It will mean he will have to leave the family home because this is now make or break sadly. If we can’t stop together we’ll have to separate for the greater good for us both. Thankyou so much for the opportunity to talk to people like yourself who are listening and not passing judgement! Massive appreciation for all of these posts ❤️

    • #21209
      libertas
      Participant

      Reach out if the urge creeps in. I can assure you what ever happens if you succumb to any temptation the perpetual guilt will torment you. Be mindful that there are literally no benefits what so ever to yourself if you let your guard down. Your life is in your hands and it’s you who has the most power to stop and change anything that’s toxic. You’re not alone, not judged and well done for realising the BS, leave yesterday behind, bring tomorrow on.

      • #21221
        captain1987
        Participant

        Hey Thankyou for these words of encouragement I had an early night last night and the interview went well today so fingers crossed! I have planned my evening this evening to avoid any triggers including my partner although seems silly I’ve planned to do my food shop in the evening and once home I’m going to hang some pictures on my wall as we only moved house 3 weeks ago so still lots to do and settling in. This is good for me because means I have distractions so I’m really hoping it means I can avoid urge of temptation. I felt so much better this morning after 3 solid nights sleep and so I’m looking forward to this continuing. How are you doing today? I hope all is well in your world thanks again for all the tips and guidance. I’m so glad I found this forum x

    • #21220
      dot
      Participant

      Meditation is a great technique. Some of the guided meditations are brilliant.

      Since you are doing that try adapting law of attraction into your life. This in turn helps you outlay a positive mindset. Instead of thinking of negatives constantly it trains your brain to think of positives.

      Keep going you got this. And no you won’t be judged. What I learnt during recovery is if you slip don’t beat yourself up. I’m lucky enough to have not and have the mindset not too slip.

      You need to remember it’s make or break. After you do 3-5 weeks it’s so much easier I’m living breathing proof I’ve done it myself.

      Any advice you can message me I can give you so many techniques… What worked for me might not work for you but I can always help

    • #21222
      libertas
      Participant

      Good evening Captain. That sounds like a good productive day.

      Sleep deprivation is a big drain or your mental well being.

      Be mindful that a few days of positivity can sometimes allow the mind to drift and think hey that was ok actually. Plotting how to self validate using. The key is to keep your guard up. Be very afraid of the consequences don’t allow conning yourself into ever thinking it will be ok. But be very proud of yourself knowing that you have a plan of action to liberate yourself from something that ultimately will make you very very unhappy.

      Occupy yourself with hobbies, maybe art, playing a musical instrument, cooking some random thing you’ve always wanted to do, go for a run.

      Make sure you end the day with self satisfaction, a smile a sense of achievement. You sound like a positive person so never let anyone crush that or get in the way of your happiness.

      I’m doing very well thank you it’s also been a very productive day too.

      It’s great the interview went well. Best of luck with it.

    • #21228
      dot
      Participant

      Now is the best time to stop reason being:-

      I used to be triggered by my old environment where I used to live. Now am away I don’t get triggers. But it’s honestly the best time so you don’t create a habit in your new house.

      Keep going and don’t get complacent aim for three weeks. Then five then ten..if you do ten you will be free it’s easy from there trust me

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