- This topic has 26 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 5 years, 5 months ago by .
-
Posts
-
-
My husband is a functioning alcoholic. He also takes prescription co-codamol and amitriptyline.
I really don’t know what to do now. I’ve told him so many times in so many ways I can’t live like this anymore. I feel like I’m living a lie. Nobody else knows. I feel I can’t confide in anyone as they are all too close.
I am at breaking point. I want to just go to sleep and not wake up so I don’t have to think about it or deal with it anymore.
-
The Icarus trust I think can support you. I have emailed them and someone is getting back to me about my husbands drinking problem. I know how it feels to feel like you are alone and you don’t want to share any of the burden with anyone. Maybe try talking to someone about how YOU feel. Focus on how you are feeling now. I hope this helps. This chat service has helped me with my own husbands problem. Take care
-
Thank you. I am in same position. I have added complication of being in recovery myself of 3 years. I am frustrated that he is in denial despite drinking 2-3 bottles of wine a day
I just cannot convince him to take action since I did get him to attend an NHS recommended centre that were not at all helpful.
-
-
-
I feel the same can’t they see how they are damaging us I ask myself is it my fault? Will it get better?
-
-
-
That is so sad I can relate. I’ve been with him over 20 years. Drink has destroyed trust due to lies he tells. I know I mean a lot to him but he would let me go before he gave it up I’m sure. He keeps saying he will sort it out. Sad he genuinely still believes he can. I dont understand how he can’t realise that he can’t. He’s failed so many times.
Glad I’ve found I’m not alone too. I’ve contacted icuris Thanks for posting
-
-
-
This is it exactly! What to do next. If I leave I put myself in threat and could end up losing everything. He will not leave as he doesn’t recognise a significant problem. We muddle on. I swing from enabling him to threats and arguing. It’s like ground hog day. He will eventually make himself ill. Is that what I’m waiting for?
-
-
-
-
Just reading about other people’s experiences is useful. You’ve said several things that I can relate too. I can talk to him one day and I can feel certain that he realises he has to do something the next day he’s drinking and says he didn’t say what he said. I find hidden empty bottles everywhere. He lies about when and how much he’s drunk. He had 3 bottles of wine yesterday. After 2 we went to a BBQ. He said he would have a beer. I caught him drinking port out of bottle from where drink was kept. He said he was getting a beer. He had port on his t shirt. He’s not violent or aggressive but he is half cut all of the time and quiet as a mouse and withdrawn when he can’t get it. I’ve taken control of money before but he will steal it if he has too. I now make sure he has money or he will end up with a criminal conviction and no job
-
-
How much does he drink? It’s obviously too much but my husband seems to think it’s sustainable (I believe ) to drink 2 or 3 bottles wine a day. Swings from admitting he needs to do something to saying he just needs to cut down a bit. He never misses work but he smells of it I think work must know but he is reliable and hard working. At weekend he will start at 7am if it’s in the house He hasn’t been drink free since Christmas I’m
Same. Partner is a
Sweet gentle person but he gets on my nerves when he’s drunk
He is going to have a stroke or something. How long has your partner been like he is ?
-
-
-
So many things I recognise there. I’ve tried so many things. I got him to a referral but he lied about amount pointless if heart wasnt in it. I doubt he’ll go again as wasn’t good experience Threatened to leave but he’d try hard for a day or so and then I’d suspect he’d drunk anyway. If I leave ( he won’t ) I’ll hurt myself more than him I think. He’d go downhill too. I find it frustrating that I cannot influence him one bit. In fact my success in recovery makes him more defiant We had couples counselling years ago. So I’m waiting for something to happen that gives him a shove. Our life is on hold until then
-
-
I have made sure others are aware
It felt like betrayal at first but my family know and I contacted his brother. In an argument one time I decided I wasn’t going to make excuses for him. That’s as far as it’s gone. I have threatened to contact his work. Didn’t see it through I have withheld it from him controlling money that didn’t work, I have given him as much as he wants thinking that he would make himself feel awful that doesn’t work either – he will drink all day and still continue the next. The thing that frustrates me the most is that he now refuses to discuss it at all Shuts conversation down completely. I’ve explained how unreasonable that is given we share a life and it affects me I supposed we’ve been round and round and there is little more I can add Do you still have any discussions about what’s going on on his head ?
-
-
Hi
I hope that you have been able to get to us at The Icarus Trust. If not here are our contact details.
You can contact The Icarus Trust on help@icarustrust.org or visit our website http://www.icarustrust.org
All the very best.
Thanks for recommending us Helen.
-
-
-
I think you’re doing the right this by telling sister even if it just allows you not to bear it all on your shoulders. You Have to look after you too As you said you can’t go on as it is. My husband can’t really see why it should affect me. He denys he’s any different I never know who I’m going to get. He had no dreams or desires for future he lives entirely in the moment. He is completely occupied by drink. I truly believe there is no event that’s led to this, drinking has increased over time and it’s just comfortable. I can’t fix it. Just As you said will face to do it himself and he doesn’t want too. I have had an introduction email from Icarus. Hope they are able to find you support. Will be happy to listen as well
-
-
It’s comforting to know there are people going through similar issues, as it’s such a lonely thing to experience , especially if like me you don’t want to share the burden with friends and family. We are due to be going on holiday tomorrow but he’s just told me to go alone because I’m selfish. I am the most un-selfish person you could meet ( sounds arrogant and I am really not ! ) so for him to say that devastates me. I know it’s the drink talking, but it’s impossible not to be upset. Sending love to everyone xxx
-
-
Brilliant he’s taken the first step! Hes taken action that’s great. No it won’t be easy but your at least on the road. I have had contact with Icarus and arranged a call this week I’m sure will be the same for you.
Had talk with husband at weekend. Managed to have a bit of a conversation which has resulted in new promise to cut down. I should be happy but I find it sad that he thinks willpower will allow him to drink like normal people. We’ve been here a million times and I’ve congratulated him on one day. There is life behind the eyes today. I’m now waiting for day he tells me he’s hasnt drunk and it’s obvious he has. Seeing his struggle hurts me so much. I feel guilty for not feeling optimistic. Perhaps I’ll get help in my phone call
Please keep posting. It helps immensely!
-
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.