[ab123]

Hi.
I have just joined the site as I don’t know where to turn and feeling helpless.

I have been with my husband since I was a teen. We have three young children (4,3 and 1).

He has ADHD and has used drugs on and off his whole life to “cope”. Weed as a teen, and without me knowing cocaine for years. It has gradually got worse, in the last 6 weeks he has turned to smoking crack. Presumably because he wasn’t getting the effects from cocaine as he got so used to it.

Saturday night he told me he was going to the shop. He never returned. Monday I had a call from his boss asking where he was. He has a company van which is tracked and he said his activity over the weekend was shocking. Driving miles early hours of the morning. Presumably to get his next fix.

He rang me 2 nights ago saying he was sorry and coming back with the van. He didn’t turn up. He has now lost his job and his boss has towed away the van from where it was.

I am going out of my mind. My children ask constantly when is daddy coming home.

I have rang hundreds of times like a mad person. I have text. I get no reply. And can’t even be sure if he has his phone as it is a works phone and may have been in the van.

He left in a pair of shorts and has no clothes, no money so I imagine he will come back at some point but how long and I feel in limbo with my life on hold . And if he comes back what to do then?! I have 3 children to protect.

Im so depressed I can’t eat, sleep and so hard to concentrate on looking after the children when I just want to curl up and cry.

How do you find strength to carry on and switch off when it’s so consuming?

And any advice on how to come off crack? When he is here he says he wants help, goes to drug counselling etc but eventually he relapses.

When he is here he is a good dad, a good husband. I almost wished he was aggressive/cheating or a real reason for me to have fire in me to completely cut him off but I just don’t feel strong enough.

I would really appreciate anyone reaching out in a similar situation. I have no one to talk to and feel so lonely 🙁

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[thistim3]

So scary and lonely. I remember.  First of all, get resources from your family, church, neighborhood, etc, to take care and protect  your children and yourself.  Report him missing, so there are people looking for him.  Do you have a family member or trusted friend who can come stay with you or you and your children can stay with?  If and when he does show up, it might not be safe for you and your children to be around him.  Looking back on my own situation, I would have changed the locks on the doors and not let him in until he was in recovery.  You can’t fix him. You can’t save him.  But you can save your children and yourself.  Reach out to trusted sources now.  Don’t wait any longer.  You must prepare yourself and figure out a way to provide for your children and yourself.  Awful that you have to go through this.  Prayers.

[hayleyT]

I really do feel for you , I agree with above report him missing for sure , he might even get some help when found ,, directed to services etc , he’s vulnerable so state that on the phone when reporting him as missing I can’t imagine how worrying it is for you and how hard it is to keep going with three kids to look after too .. you’re priority is you and your children and you have to look after all your needs first .  Does he have family that you could talk to ? Crack cocaine isn’t particularly physically addictive so it wouldn’t take long for him to be clean from it and he could do that without help but the mental support is definitely what he needs to deal with whats at the root of his addiction . And he needs to be fully commited to over coming it to engage with that . Look after yourself and your children first and get some real support in place . A lot of drug support places locally do have support for family members and it might help to talk to someone face to face x

[jo@adaptoxford.org.uk]

Hello,

Im sorry to hear things are so difficult for you right now. The Icarus family program can offer support and advice. You can find the self referral at Referrals – ADAPT Charity Oxford (adaptoxford.org.uk) .

Take care

Jo

[Author]

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