[cc13]

He’s a mean drunk. He doesn’t believe in professional help, but knows he has a problem. He thinks he can wean himself off it. I don’t believe that. I feel like I’m losing hope. I don’t want to fight anymore. His parents don’t want to get involved. They think it’s a personal problem and don’t want me to reach out to them anymore. I feel alone.

[wavy22]

Hi,

I know it’s so easy to feel alone and manipulated into thinking like them but you aren’t alone.

[wavy22]

My partner has a cocaine addiction and he too thinks can wean off it. He wants it brushed under the carpet like it doesn’t exist and cause problems x

[cc13]

He tells me not to give up on the relationship. But I can’t keep living like this. I don’t feel like he’s trying.

[wavy22]

That’s exactly how I feel so I honestly do understand. Mine thinks he can control it but it still happens every week. If he goes longer than four/five days he feels like he’s beating it and then he’s back to it and I’m supposed to congratulate him or something for going that long… it’s not long enough in my eyes.

It drives you crazy doesn’t it!

[cc13]

It does drive me crazy! Do you still try to tell him you want him to stop? I’m at the point now where I just walk away from him if I see him drinking. I don’t want any part of it. But I don’t know how that’s helpful. It just saves me the pain of having to deal with it in the moment. What’s your recent plan of action?

[wavy22]

Ah I wouldn’t ask me about my plan of action lol. As soon as I know he’s done it most of the time I rage at him and it’s like arguing with myself. He didn’t come home yesterday and he’s still not back now. I put his stuff in the garage last night for him to collect when he feels like it but I don’t always feel strong enough to go through with it.

I can’t stand what he does, I’m sick of crying and beating myself up about it like it’s my fault. Every time I get angry or upset it just gives him that ammunition to use again after 2 and a half years, I’d love to be able to turn a blind eye to his coke use but I feel so tormented by it like it’s a form of punishment. It’s just seeped so deep into our lives that im looking for the strength to go through with letting him go now. It’s just so hard when you’re invested in someone and love them, I think it’s the feeling of ‘what if he gets clean’ and he’s no longer using how good would our lives be then. But it seems there comes a point where the damage is done and there’s no going back.

I think what you’re doing is helpful and choosing the time to talk to him about his problem is the way forward. If he doesn’t want to address it or seek help like mine, then I feel like they’ve made the decision for us in a way.

I just think it’s such a long process for them to stop what they’re doing that it will keep testing your patience but it has to come from within them to make that change x

[cc13]

Everything you say makes sense. I relate so well. Usually I freak out on him too. Walking away is my choice as of one day. lol But you’re right. It seems like they are making the choice for us. My head tells me I don’t deserve this. My heart keeps me here. But the more time passes, it feels like I have to let him go.

Yours hasn’t come home? Is that often something that happens for you?

[wavy22]

Kind of, when he uses he won’t come home straight away as he doesn’t want to acknowledge what it is he does. It’s usually one or two hours later than he’s due to come back from work, just sits in his car doing what he does somewhere. He likes to be undisturbed and I think when I have a go at him, he becomes angry with me for ruining his high.

So he was off it for a week last week and yesterday he decided to have it again and he’s just not come home this time. I think because he’s not had it for a week he feels he deserved a blow out.

I want him to feel as hurt as I do by it but it’s not going to happen.

He’s putting the blame on me again today but I’m sticking to my guns and keep letting him know that my reaction towards him is down to his action.

I’m not allowing myself to be drawn in to his chaos because he’s weak to cocaine.

My mind wanders and often thinks what else is he up to, but I can’t torture myself like that, it’s not fair.

Do you ever look at the life you have and think how did it get to this point?!

[cc13]

Yeah, thinking about what they do when they are off on their bender is not the healthiest, but I’m guilty of constantly doing it.

Yeah, God forbid you ruin their good time. Because you’re the problem, not what they’re doing to make you feel that way. It’s wild how they can try to blame you for how they react to you being upset that they’re abusing. It makes no sense.

My partner went to get me McDonalds, came back with a drink that I eyed suspiciously and asked to have a sip. Super strong drink that he made from hiding booze in his car. But I’m not supposed to get upset about that apparently… I’ve FORCED him to hide it… Give me a break.

I can’t understand how I got to this point. You go into a relationship, fall in love, and then somehow you’re here. If fate exists, then I want to know what we did to deserve this cosmic prophecy.

[wavy22]

I know, and they actually believe what’s coming out of their mouth. I constantly get ‘if you didn’t react and had some trust in me then I wouldn’t do it’.. erm excuse me you work with people that are peddling it you and it’s under your nose!!

When mine said he was off it the week before last, I found it round the house. Not large bits but a few small rocks and some powder on the sofa that must have fallen out of his pocket. I confronted him about it and the best laugh is he tried to tell me some higher power had set him up.

They’re so delusional and lie through their back teeth just to have their drug of choice. Still denies it to this day and continues to say it was a set up.

I bet that was a blow finding out he’d hidden drink in his car. Like you wouldn’t ever find out or smell it on him?! It starts making you doubt everything that they say and do.

[cc13]

LOL a set up… that is beyond words. What would you gain from setting him up? As if you need a reason to start another fight. And if a supernatural being/God set him up, then he should definitely call the Pope. Why ignore such a miraculous thing?! “Well would you look at that! How’d that get there?” That’s hilarious – in a morbid sense.

Yeah. It was a blow finding that out. I just sat there after taking the sip. I felt him watching me silently. And I tried so damn hard to not cry. But it eventually broke me. 3 hour tear filled argument commenced.

Dude is snoring his ass off now. Finally came to bed. It’s 8am here. I should be sleeping.

Still can’t get over your guy’s thing. “Who put that coke there?!” Sighhh.

[cc13]

LOL a set up… that is beyond words. What would you gain from setting him up? As if you need a reason to start another fight. And if a supernatural being/God set him up, then he should definitely call the Pope. Why ignore such a miraculous thing?! “Well would you look at that! How’d that get there?” That’s hilarious – in a morbid sense.

Yeah. It was a blow finding that out. I just sat there after taking the sip. I felt him watching me silently. And I tried so damn hard to not cry. But it eventually broke me. 3 hour tear filled argument commenced.

Dude is snoring his ass off now. Finally came to bed. It’s 8am here. I should be sleeping.

Still can’t get over your guy’s thing. “Who put that coke there?!” Sighhh.

[wavy22]

Aww I know how it is, the tear filled

arguments are all too familiar.

its a viscous cycle.

Haha I know, from having a full blown argument it stopped me dead in my tracks and I can remember just saying “Are you for real”. I think I was in disbelief at that point.

The cocaine fairy must have planted it in the house to get him in trouble with the mean lady who doesn’t like cocaine ????????

You said earlier, yours was a mean drunk. Is it every time he drinks?

Mine becomes nasty when he feels he is backed in a corner and needs to defend his habit, so he begins to put the blame on me and then I defend my own corner and put it back on him. He doesn’t like it or agree with anything I have to say.

Oh and I’m now a grass/ snitch for telling his family and ruining his chance to borrow money from them.

You said his family don’t want to know?

[pds]

Hello… If he really wants to do this then that’s a good start… you really have to want to stop. Maybe you could try n help with the amount he has while tappering down. And keep positive and think about the better future. Tell him this , cause if he doesn’t. Can only be 2 endings. Your staying and being unhappy and probably in danger of him getting worse and worse. Or leaving… not a easy thing to do I know when ya love em. But if he doesn’t want to do it for him , he ain’t Gona do it for you or his mum n dad..

Keep strong and it’s only a bit of pain and a few other symptoms. But he will get through it..

Maybe also just going to see his own doc for strong pain relief.

Keep strong yea…

[cc13]

He’s mean to a lesser extent without me saying anything. And annoying. He repeats the same normal sentence 5 times, no joke, and then when I tell him he has said that already, he goes “Yeah, but” and then repeats it again. His eyes go in twenty different directions, his words slur, and he can barely walk. So when I tell him that’s enough, that’s when things ultimately go bad.

I came home the other day from a paint class, and he surprised me by being wasted, and the first thing he does is laugh at my painting. He just becomes this mean other person.

When he is sober, he says that he doesn’t mean any of the things he says while drunk, but then where do they come from? I’m the “fucking bitch” that fights him as I pour his alcohol down the drain. I’m the problem for freaking out because he was doing nothing but having a good time.

Im glad you “snitched”. Too bad he can’t take money from them anymore…boohoo. Are they supportive in any way? I mean, them stopping giving them money is supportive in itself.

My guy’s family definitely drinks too much. And they dont address issues ever. They ignore things. I reached out to his mom the other night bc I was afraid and clueless on what to do. She never answered me. She told him the next day that she wants me to stop texting her our business. I cried for him after he said that. I said that I’m sorry I reached out to the woman that birthed you, someone I thought would care about your wellbeing. I reached out to her not to tattle. I wanted her to care about helping her son. Instead, her response was to ignore me and tell him she wants me to leave her out of it. He has no support other than me, apparently.

[wavy22]

Aww really sympathise with you and I am sorry you’re going through it.

They just treat you with such little respect don’t they. Mine will say things like ‘you deserve to cry’ ‘it’s your fault I’m using’ and it makes me feel like shit. He never really wants to address it, he wants to brush it under the carpet but still have the devoted girlfriend by his side, the one that gives him all the trust he wants while he treats me like second best to coke and does what ever else. Actually I feel like I’m 3rd, 4th, 5th best at that.

The whole situation just leaves me feeling like I’m crazed. Seeing him when he’s been on it makes me feel sick and the constant sniffing is disgusting.

I offered to trade his coke for £40 once so I could flush it down the toilet but he refused.

He continues to say he doesn’t want to do it and he doesn’t like it, but I’m not convinced he doesn’t like it or even want to stop.

Aw I think that’s awful of his mum to not support you.

Do you think she refuses to get involved because alcohol is socially acceptable, so she doesn’t believe it to be an issue? Like oh he just drinks a lot?

My partners family have been really supportive but I don’t always get the sense that people understand addiction. It is so complex

[donthaveaclue]

Mine also blames me for ruining his high. He disappears off into the bathroom or toilet for so long and I naturally ask ‘are you okay?’ and apparently that immediately ruins his high.

They are so selfish. What about how their actions affect us? I end up living in my bedroom trying to avoid him… he spends his time bossing me about and trying to order food from me in the middle of the night because his body clock and meal times are all messed up and he’s too lazy to prepare his own food.

Talking about flushing… so I am, unintentionally, really good at accidentally finding his stash and chucking it away. I mean like the last week I’ve done it twice by mistake. I didn’t even know I’d done it until he got back and went to use it and found I’d chucked it away in such a way as to be irretrievable… this is one reason we cannot live together.

I don’t want to spend my time wondering if I’m chucking his stuff or if I can’t touch something or clean something etc. It’s like treading on eggshells. Can’t wait to be free.

[Author]

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