[teddy]

Im a 32 year old women with 3 children that I love with all my heart iv been useing alcohol and drugs since I was 12 years old due to circumstances in my life, as I got older I was with drawn and shy I felt that I wasnt good enough for people to like me and felt suicidal on times so I used more alcohol and drugs to give me the confidence I needed to have friend ,but of course the friends I have had problems to I was permiscuuse and at 15 left home to live with a 22 year old that just wanted to drink and use drugs to aswell as beatinging me on a regular bases. I was so down and everything was escalating so I went to a new doctor and he made a conection with othere symptoms I had over the years and diagnossed me with anxiety and depression and all so addressed the alcoholism and started treating me with meds and seeing a psychiatric team.It really helped at last I wasnt just being seen as a rebellious teen.
finel I met a man when I was 17 that gave me what I needed I felt that he loved me and that he was going to be good to me so I left my partner but not before he gave me one last beating , but this time I had him arrested and he went down . But the man I had fallen for was a friend of a friend and of course was in to drugs to . saying that we married and had 3 kids .On and off over the years I relapsed and had my meds and diagnosis changed know the say its bipolar disorder but 6 years ago I used herrion again and not to get high I had tooth ack for 3 days and I hadn’t eat sleeped I was in terrible pain and my partner felt sorry for me and gave me some as he was all ready smoking herrion. After that I had a habit and a bad one at the time my father had got ill and was dieing it made it so easy to jest forget how much pain I was in . My father asked me to get help before he died so I did he died and I was still clean after 4 and a half years .but know I have been prescribed pain killers for arthritic pain I know im adicted but I cant get help like the last time because my oldest son has mental health problems and we have a social worker im afraid that they will take them away from me and that would kill me because I love them so much I fell sometime s they are my only reason for living and I dont want to be looked at like im a bad mother because that isnt the case what can I do because things have not been keeped confidential in the past when iv tryed to get help

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