[Truly_Tired]

Hello, this is my first post to forum and it’s taken more than 12 addiction years to get to now. I have two adult sons and both have addictive personalities albeit one for the thrill-seeking and the other to self medicate but I guess the root of the addiction is similar. Their father and grandfather on that side both had addictive personalities too – of the thrill-seeking kind.
I split with father about 18 years ago and have remarried. I feel guilty and often wonder if I had stuck with it if things might have gone differently. Anyway I have a ‘heroin/crackhead’, his description, son and a compulsive gambler who regularly gets into debt. The drug affected son is homeless in London despite several 100+ day attempts to get better and the gambler has a partner and two young children, but continues to risk so much for gambling. I’ve tried to support them both in so many ways – tough, supportive, mentor, financially and more but my living nightmare continues. I don’t expect solutions as I know only they can provide them but I wonder if anyone else has a similar story to me? Just as I’ve read many times on other posts, this is like living a never-ending grief.

[joni]

Hi there, so sorry to hear this. I am not in exactly that situation, but certainly relate to the constant stress and grief because of loved one’s behavior, and you’ve got double. So sorry. I have one. Alcoholic husband.

[Truly_Tired]

Thank you for reaching out and I’m sorry you are suffering too. It is an emotional rollercoaster with no end to the ride. I realise now how important it is to look after yourself. This doesn’t mean giving up on our loved ones but protecting ourselves so we can be there in appropriate measures. I’m seeing a counsellor who allows me to spill out every few weeks so I hope you can find a way to access similar for yourself. Do keep in touch x

[exhaustedmum]

Hi  my first post as well, I also have an adult son from a divorce some 20 years ago.
I often feel the same that he is using drugs and alcohol to mask the pain of the split. He often reminds me it was our fault, that trauma in his childhood has caused this. It certainly escalated when he went to university and I had to get him home in year 2. But eventually had to ask him to leave our home.
Over the years like you I feel I have tried everything, paying for rehab, being financially drained, recently again paying a deposit so he is not made homeless but he lies again and again and is unable to work, so will be evicted I am sure soon. It’s relentless. I do really work at my own mental health to try and remain working and able to manage.
but as you quite rightly say until he makes the decisions for him self nothing changes.
although I know this, I get sucked in time and time again. As a mother this is so bloody hard. Sending hope and solidarity x x

[Truly_Tired]

So, so hard not to get sucked in. We are programmed to care and fix where we can and I can’t help but be hopeful each time. Your boy is ten years younger so maybe life might provide a change in direction? I hope so. My lad is 36 now and it feels like the chances of him making life-changing decisions gets harder as each year and attempt to change passes. Thank you for solidarity – it means a lot. It is a lonely road when you see others around you enjoying their offspring’s successes and not having to deal with an uncertain future. Take care and do keep in touch x

[Author]

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