[nova1985]

I am at braking point with my husbands drinking, it’s heavy and it’s every night, he can get really nasty when confronted, last night he said I am the worse thing that has happened to him. We also have to young children. I have tried to say to him how his actions are going to effect his relationship with them but he doesn’t seem to care. Spent most of last night crying and I know he won’t remember a thing when he wakes up.

[donthaveaclue]

I’m sorry you are going through this too. I’m currently with an addict — the father of our young child. I’ve found he says the most horrible and nasty things to me because of the drugs and drink. I try to rise above it. There is no point in engaging with them when they are high or drunk. Just remember it is not you… and that you deserve better/respect. I try to spend as little time as possible around mine when he is on the substances… for my own sanity.

[nova1985]

Sorry to hear you are going through the same problem, I also try to rise above it, but he knows how to trigger me into a argument, then blame it all on me.

[donthaveaclue]

Yeah the blame thing seems to be a thing… I’ve spoken to others on here who also get blamed. Mine tries to blame me for his using – saying I stress him out and cause him to use! He also says I ruin his high, thus apparently causing him to need to use more.

It’s all rubbish!

Have you read about grey rock? It can be a useful tactic in an abusive dynamic.

[nova1985]

Not heard of grey rock. Will look it up.

[miked80]

Hi Nova, really sorry that you’re going through this. Take every step you can to make sure you’re looked after. Whether it’s a friend or a counseling service (if that’s available to you), please use them. It takes a while, but all that blame and anger on their own will wear your down if you’re not careful.

There’s a few fairly common behaviours with addicts I’ve picked up from here and other resources. Deception, and denial is part of that – especially when they’re face with the hard truth of their addiction. Blaming you for it is another – really important to remember that his driving is a choice he makes. He’ll use what he can to justify it, but it is his choice, and his action, and no one else’s. Least of all yours.

[legospin]

Hi

I’ve found I get the “blame” too

It’s my fault that I don’t understand him / we are different people / we want different things / this is just who he is and if I can’t accept that he’ll leave

It’s always threats of leaving – all about making it my problem

I’ve just posted to say it’s reached a head here and he’s realised how much of a problem he has. He’s left for a few days – I don’t know how long a few days is.

[lillyrose41]

I’m sorry your going through this . I’m sorry we all have to deal with this and not be completely loved the way we should . The best thing I found is to avoid him when he is drinking . It’s hard but it helps sometimes . ❤️

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