[icarus-trust]

Thanks so much for sharing your story. I’m so sorry to hear what a really tough time you are having and how bad your wife’s drinking is making you feel.

Path for Recovery are supporting your wife and I can only hope that things will start improving for her again.

However maybe you would like some support for yourself?

I work for a charity called The Icarus trust. We provide support people going through similar things to you, due to a partner or family member’s addiction. If you feel it would be useful please contact us and i could put you in touch with one of our experienced, trained people that you could talk with.

You can contact Icarus Trust on help@icarustrust.org or visit our website http://www.icarustrust.org

All the very best to you.

[sober]

I really think I need some help. This weekend has been really bad again.

She put away a box of white wine and a bottle of vodka last night. Today she’s put away a box or rose and a bottle of tequila. She drank it out of a coffee cup at first. But then I noticed it. I’m always on drink alert. I can never relax around her. She made some red bush tea earlier but I think it was to disguise drinking tequila right in front of me. She drank it without flinching. Tequila!! Yuck!

We had a bit of a talk tonight but as normal it always comes back to me being the reason she is drinking.

She ruins every weekend, holiday, gathering, etc. I can’t take her anywhere near my work colleague or friends because she gets so rat faced and embarrasses me, she gets loud, obnoxious and common. If I go out for drinks without her, she’ll phone and text constantly until I come home. I hate coming home. I hate being at home with her.

I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m losing myself. I wake up feeling empty and like I can’t continue in this life anymore.

[kel1]

She sounds like she has lost all control of herself, which will affect her thinking/ decision making. If she is this entrenched then it would be harder for her to want to stop drinking and get the help she needs.

This must be really hard to live with, and I so get the feelings of “embarrassment” and the hidden relationship. It’s awful and no way to live. We merely exist this way and grow in resentment.

In the end I left, I had too and you can too. I lost myself, and I’m still finding myself. 22 years stuck in addiction will do that to a person. It’s so bloody hard.

Although, I’m sad, lost, lonely and hurt – so so hurt, I do have no more lies, no more embarrassment, no more cheating and all the rest of it.

Al Anon is a good place for support for yourself. As for your wife, she needs to want to get the help and she may never! It’s the acceptance of that that hurts the most – probably because we aren’t chosen and the addiction wins. Rejection is awful. So don’t reject yourself.

[Author]

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