[sober]

My wife has been struggling with drink ever since we met. I had no idea how bad the situation was because we were always out with friends, having parties and jokingly having a “hair of the dog” the morning after a big drinking session. We were in our 20s and I thought nothing of it really.

Fast forward 15 years and well we’ve been through it all. Drunk driving, blown a tyre passed out drunk behind the wheel, passed out cold in the front garden, Always calling in sick for work, pushing family and friends away, drinking friends alcohol and denying it, looking for arguments with strangers, hitting me or throwing things at me, oh my word so many scenarios it’s embarrassing.

She took an overdose of pills last year October. Chugged it down with a litre bottle of vodka. I came home from work and found her laying in the bed. She wrote a suicide note, one addressed to me and one to her mother.

I called the ambulance immediately and thankfully they arrived within 10 minutes. We spent the whole evening in hospital and had to see the psychiatrist before we could leave. I was interviewed as if it was my fault. I’ve never felt angry and ashamed of what our lives have become.

She’s been getting help from an org called “path to recovery” but she’s just playing the game and telling them what they want to hear.

In all honestly we’ve only had 2 incidents since October which is pretty good considering it became a weekly occurrence. The first, she disappeared all day after just popping to the shops for milk. Came home stinking drunk and wanted nothing to do with me… and then tonight.

What’s different about tonight is for the very first time I witnessed a very angry drunk. She hardly ate any of her dinner and when I asked about it she got up and tried to smash the plate over my head I almost lost all my teeth as she was trying to hit me with the plate. When I grabbed the plate out of her hands she smeared the remaining food over my head.

I also caught her drinking vodka straight from the bottle. Something I’ve never seen before. I feel so disgusted, ashamed, dirty…

Path to recovery told us we couldn’t stop the alcohol, that going cold turkey could send her into shock and potentially she could have a heart attack. So we have had to keep with the booze but low dosages. I’m such a fool for buying hard tack. I should’ve known it was going to end badly. It always does ????

Thanks for reading my ramblings. I hope you don’t have to face these challenges. It’s a really crappy place to be.

[icarus-trust]

Thanks so much for sharing your story. I’m so sorry to hear what a really tough time you are having and how bad your wife’s drinking is making you feel.

Path for Recovery are supporting your wife and I can only hope that things will start improving for her again.

However maybe you would like some support for yourself?

I work for a charity called The Icarus trust. We provide support people going through similar things to you, due to a partner or family member’s addiction. If you feel it would be useful please contact us and i could put you in touch with one of our experienced, trained people that you could talk with.

You can contact Icarus Trust on help@icarustrust.org or visit our website http://www.icarustrust.org

All the very best to you.

[sober]

I really think I need some help. This weekend has been really bad again.

She put away a box of white wine and a bottle of vodka last night. Today she’s put away a box or rose and a bottle of tequila. She drank it out of a coffee cup at first. But then I noticed it. I’m always on drink alert. I can never relax around her. She made some red bush tea earlier but I think it was to disguise drinking tequila right in front of me. She drank it without flinching. Tequila!! Yuck!

We had a bit of a talk tonight but as normal it always comes back to me being the reason she is drinking.

She ruins every weekend, holiday, gathering, etc. I can’t take her anywhere near my work colleague or friends because she gets so rat faced and embarrasses me, she gets loud, obnoxious and common. If I go out for drinks without her, she’ll phone and text constantly until I come home. I hate coming home. I hate being at home with her.

I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m losing myself. I wake up feeling empty and like I can’t continue in this life anymore.

[kel1]

She sounds like she has lost all control of herself, which will affect her thinking/ decision making. If she is this entrenched then it would be harder for her to want to stop drinking and get the help she needs.

This must be really hard to live with, and I so get the feelings of “embarrassment” and the hidden relationship. It’s awful and no way to live. We merely exist this way and grow in resentment.

In the end I left, I had too and you can too. I lost myself, and I’m still finding myself. 22 years stuck in addiction will do that to a person. It’s so bloody hard.

Although, I’m sad, lost, lonely and hurt – so so hurt, I do have no more lies, no more embarrassment, no more cheating and all the rest of it.

Al Anon is a good place for support for yourself. As for your wife, she needs to want to get the help and she may never! It’s the acceptance of that that hurts the most – probably because we aren’t chosen and the addiction wins. Rejection is awful. So don’t reject yourself.

[Author]

Posts