[jordan1993]

Hi my names jordan am 26 and av had Serious issues with drugs all my life ..i started very young smoking hash taking sweeties at 12 .13 i lost my dad to suicide at 7 didn’t really start noticing the impact until 12 years so i Used every day not knowing i was blockig out the harsh reality of the pain i was in then 14 i lost my sister she died infront of us in the house at 21 …so i really started using everything but smack and meth ..staying up for days on end ..till i passed out then up and at it again before i knew it i was 17 taking alot of mandy when i would wake up have a bomb sniff a couple lines Never noticed how smashed i was for weeks at a time but still it helped with the loss …18 i got my first sentence 27 months i was delighted as i new it was a choice of a fresh start in a strange way i got out as i was turning 21 . I settled down met a wonderful woman and started a family with her and her 3 children i would use and drink in moderation for a year or two then i lost my brother to suicide and my uncle and my other uncle chocked on his on sick in the same year ..so i started using cocaine every day near enough…the issue in hand is i cant seem to stop even when its seriously impacting on my health and family my Head is numb i hate the stuff but i still take take as i do i have started gambling as soon as i sniff am straight onto paddy power without a care in the world for the effect its having on the ones i love

I cant seem to be able to see a different life without it its lonley even when those who love you are right next to you

I could be given my fiancee a cuddle and still feel a hundred miles away its awful almost unbearable when i do sleep i wake up with sudden urges of suicide even when im happy i think of suicide all day long some times if am lucky i get a couple hours when i forget about these thoughts then all of a sudden boom the hit me like a baseball bat to the forehead …

Im worried i will lose everything or my life i dont have a job am on pip and uc And evey month its in one hand out the other

I feel like i cant fit in anywhere and the paranoia is terrible.

Not sure what am suppose to be or who am supposed to be it feels like your under a cloud and everywhere you run it follows you raining 24 7 im a big lad but i feel so small cant handle raised voices cant handle confrontation people think i can am a good actor but inside am slowly wearing down a constant bag of nerves

Has any1 else experienced this if so i would be very grateful for some strong advice x

[administrator]

Hi Jordan

Thanks for sharing your story and we’re so sorry to hear about what you have been and are currently going through which must be very difficult.

It’s really important that you speak to someone about how you’re feeling – you can call Samaritans on 116 123 (freephone), they are open 24/7.

Should you want more information on drug use, FRANK on 0300 123 6600 is a national helpline providing advice and information about drugs.

This forum is specifically for families that are impacted by someone else’s substance use, but there is another forum available for people to discuss their own experiences with drugs visit: https://www.reddit.com/r/drugs

Do stay well and take care.

[Author]

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