Hello, I’m not sure what you are using. My only experience is my son who is a heroin addict. If this is where you are, I’d say you need to get out quickly, this is going to ruin your life and the lives of people who love you. There are really kind and helpful forums on Reddit for all kinds of addiction, Opiate Recovery is a very supportive community, but as I said that may not be what you’re looking for, but you can search for other groups.
A relationship based on being intoxicated isn’t real and is about as unhealthy as it can get. You sound like a lovely person, but please wake up and start to value your own life.
I hope you can get the support you need.