Hi Jillybob,
This is really hard for you and, as Caroline says you may want some support for yourself. The Icarus Trust is a charity that provides support for people, like yourself , who are dealing with the impact of a partner’s addiction. We have trained people who you could talk with, if you think that would be helpful. Talking with someone who understands may help you to move forward and see what other support might be available.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org
Good luck with everything.
The Icarus Trust