[dave1]

I’m stuck in a limbo I’m a hard user of cocaine which is tearing my family apart I sniff around a quarter a day spend all my money plus getting in debt. My fiancee want’s to leave me and take the kids but I’ve tried several times to kick my habit with no success. I really don’t know what to do anymore I’m suicidel I’ve just hadone enough of letting my family down. All our bills are paid but there isn’t enough left to go put or on holiday as I don’t want to leave the house just sniff my life away is there anyone out there that can advise me on the steps to recovery as I lie awake all night thinking of what I’m doing to my family which breaks me even more I hate what as become of my life and the way it seems to be played out for me I’m sick of the drug controlling my life and my even day is there a way for me to change before I end up dead or on the streets I’m a dirty coke head rat who doesn’t deserve a loving family. I suffer shakes body akes sweats anxiety stress paranoia chest pain’s head eye and jaw ake and tooth ake.

[bt1978]

Hey Dave

Firstly you aren’t a dirty Coke head. You are a human being who reads very much like a human being that happens to have gotten addicted to coke.

You are also not alone, lots of people have this issue and depending on you and how you want to do it, you can recover.

Addiction makes people do weird, horrible, selfish, nasty things. It doesn’t care who you are, how much you earn, whether you have a nice family, job, home – it will keep going until the bitter end unless something is done. The symptoms at the end sound very much like a comedown or withdrawal to me, and whilst utterly horrible, you can get through them.

If you are serious about quitting you have to be ready and willing to throw everything and the kitchen sink at this stuff.

I always say it’s worth a chat with the GP. Not all are sympathetic but hopefully yours will, and then you are at least on their radar. Be careful about being prescribed certain drugs too, often people lean on benzos but be aware they too are highly addictive. A quarter is alot of gear, its worth getting checked out physically

Try deleting dealers numbers, and changing yours. Avoid going to places where you know you will score.

I keep saying this in all my posts but I believe for addicts NA or CA meetings are hugely helpful. People just like you attend them (and me) and you wont feel alone when you start identifying with them. Meetings run all day every day and there is a wealth of support on offer – literature, meetings, a 12 step programme, sponsorship and also fellowship. They are mainly on zoom right now because of the pandemic but you have nothing to lose going to some and seeing how they are and work

I hope you can find the strength to try some of these things, it isnt easy and at times will be tough – but so much better than being hooked on that evil stuff.

Keep posting and I wish you all the luck

[Author]

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