[wolly1944]

Right so my partner I’ve been with for 4 years now and currently pregnant with my 3rd child, first girl so should be excited. But my partners addicted to drink which I didn’t mind at the beginning but now he’s started getting nasty and drinking more I was more bothered about the drugs! He’s also addicted to heroin, crack cokecain and methadone! I’ve tried everything to get him off it I’m not 34weeks + pregnant and very scared of what’s guna happen I really don’t know what to do I love him but it’s hard I can’t talk to him he ignores me and I don’t want family and friends to know as I feel embarrassed as it is with how against drugs I am!

[silemna]

Hi Wolly! The first stuff I would say is that you need to be thinking of love as something that enrich you and that can make you happy and does most of time. If one of the person is dragging down the other in their fall, then love is being compromised because someone only thinks of themselves – more precisely their addiction in your case. Secondly, think of the baby; you are under constant stress and you don’t want your baby suffering from this and nor you deserve this. Thirdly, you need to make it very clear in your head that substances will capture the brain and if the person remains on them constantly, their will be less and less of their “normal” self their, but their brain will constantly lives for the craving of substances, which leads to face someone who you sometimes don’t recognise, not the person you fell in love with.

I would suggest that you are honest with yourself and start thinking of you first and how you can deal with this for yourself and your baby. I am sure in the process, it will requires you to reach out to family and friends; there is no shame to explain what is going on and believe me that your family and friends will be the first ones to say that you should have said earlier! They will not judge, they just want to know you are safe.

Lastly, you will need to let your partner hit the bottom of his addictions for him to realise that what he is doing is basically living a disastrous life dictated by substances where things are extremely dark. Who wants that? Losing everything sometimes helps for a real wake up call. However, if you see that speaking to him leads to some drastically positive changes, then maybe you can consider doing the recovery journey with him.

But remember, it is your life and the life of who you have in your belly. Please make sure you stay safe and go away to avoid mad cortisol levels and to have company and feel better. You don’t have to go through this alone. Speak up!

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