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Tonight I came on here for 1st time and im not alone after all, reading all your stories, some are the double of my life at this present time.where to start? Its been going on for 10years! I have spent thousands! Getting him out of debt with drug dealers, I work full time but my wage packet has his name on it! He kicks off, bullies me, blackmails me, he plays mind games with me, harrasses me constantly for money to buy cannabis and now cocaine. When he has them he is a soft puppy, when he does, nt he is an evil and vicious man.i need help to face this bully, I try and keep him sweet out of fear, scared of my own son! How did it get to this.im seeing a solicitor in the morning after another call out to the police again, they dont seem to help me, they give all the advice and then let you get on with it, I have to be strong, I have had enough, ive been saying that for years too.my daughter even stays away with my grandson! Nobody comes to see me any more when he is here, I think where will he go? Do I care? Of course I care, but I cant take no more of this, I will end up in a box,ahhh peace…….. no more sleepless nights worrying if I have enough money for his habit. He cant seem to grasp when I say I dont have it! He kicks off then, smashing things, shouting, he is a jekyll and hyde.so tomorrow is a new day, going to talk to a solicitor about an injunction, I know he will break it, but so be it, I have to be strong and do this.im fed up with paying out my hard earned money on drugs, I need a pair of shoes and ive seen just the pair!! Xxx

[charlene]

hi hun my partner is an amphetamine and heroin user and cocodamol when he cant get any of these drugs he trys to bully me for alcohol or my painkillers that i use for migraines i always have to be nasty and firm with him other wise he would totaly abuse me its the only way hun at the miniute my partner is liveing with me on tag but he had a drug bindge at the weekend he has breached his tag and probation yet again and i no it sounds bad but he is due at court on the 19th and im hopeing he gets locked up so i can live normaly

[icarus-trust]

Hi,
This must be very hard for you and I just wanted to let you know that if you need any support there is help available. The Icarus Trust is a charity supporting families of drug and alcohol dependents. We have trained volunteers who would be able to talk with you if you felt that might help you. They are very experienced and it is a free service. It often helps to know that you are not alone in how you are feeling.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org
Good luck.

[icarus-trust]

Hi Jenna,

I’m so sorry to read your post and see what a hard time you are having.
I work for a charity called The Icarus Trust. we are there to support people like you who are having to live with the impact of a loved one’s addiction. If you think it would help to talk things through please contact us and you can be put in touch with one of our experienced trained volunteers called ‘Family Friends’.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org
I really hope that this helps. Good luck.

[charlene]

dont let your guard down and be firm with him its the only way hun xx

[cant-take-no-more]

You have every right to keep your son safe..it seems to me that your ex is down playing his role with drugs…it’s good that he sees his son, that really is important. Set ground rules, stick to them and encourage your ex to get help…..good luck

[icarus-trust]

Hi Shaz,
What hard choices you are having to face. Can’t take no more has given you good advice but if you would like some more support The Icarus Trust may be able to help you. We are a charity supporting people who are affected by the addictions of their family or friends. We have trained volunteers called ‘Family Friends’ who have all experienced living with the impact of another’s addiction themselves.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org
Good luck and keep strong!

[sad-and-tired]

your son comes first, if your ex cant sort himself out around his child, then sadly he stays away. Sometimes we have to make difficult choices …….

[mr-good-reasons]

If I could have taken all the money I have spent engaging in egotistically driven behaviors I would have had a Rolls-Royce by now. Craig A.

[cant-take-no-more]

Do it, …what parents of addicts forget to do is take care of themselves and their health..Addicts will grind you down, and your life is never the same…living on fear is wrong……I withdrew everything from my son..I stopped enabling him, and stopped all contact…It was the only way I could get through the day…Its hard, and as a mother I want to make things right….that just cant happen, cause the only person to make things right is the addict…and until they want the help, then there is nothing we as parents can do…..Take care of yourself hunni, and believe it or not what you are doing will help your son in the long run..cause once they reach rock bottom the only way is up…..hugs xxx

[lolipop]

First off you sound so sad . Your post could be from my son that’s exactly how he is . The only difference is you want to stop using weed oh how I wish my son would have the same understanding of his situation . I think it’s going to be hard work for you but just think of the positive way your life will improve ! Have you contacted a drug support group you can’t do this on your own its sounds to me like you need professional help . Did your doctor offer you any help ? If not see a different doctor . Where I live we have lots of help for people like you looking to make changes I don’t know if your lucky enough to have access to these types of support .. It will be so good if you could contact someone and just speak to them please try . I hate to think of you suffering and I’m sure your family and fiancé feel the same .
Best wishes
Lolipop

[icarus-trust]

Hi Valerie,
So sorry to read about your son’s addiction and how it affects you.
The Icarus Trust is a charity that offers support to people like you who are dealing with another’s addiction. If it would help to talk please get in touch.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org
All the best to you.

[cant-take-no-more]

Oh dear Hunni, your post made me extremely sad… I know it’s hard, cause I’ve seen it first hand….but with the right help you can stop your addiction..the fact you have come on here speaks volumes…good luck, and we are all behind you..you can do it..speak to your doctor if you can, and get some support xxx

[mrs-blue]

Hello…take it a day at a time. Stop the weed but keep on with the cigs. Get an attitude that weeds shit and your not putting that horrible shit in your system again. Also smoking weed affects your moods. It isn’t called dope for nothing. You sound down in the dumps and fed up. Weed will zap the life and energy out of you. Withdrawal affects people differently. Read up on others who have overcome addiction and how it changed their life. Be strong. There are lots of things in life that we think are hard to do. This doesn’t mean we cant do them. All habits can be broken. Imagine yourself clear headed and making decisions without being stoned. Thinking clearly and getting back in touch with emotions that have been flattened by the weed is truly liberating. You can do it. Best of support and luck to you.

[charlotte12]

Hi queen bee. Your story is so sad. I agree you are out of your depth however your son is still so young which means intervention now could well be successful. I really urge you to seek help. Have you tried speaking to your own GP for advice as a starting point? I have recently had to make the heartbreaking decision to ask my 40yr old partner, father to our 3 children to leave as he is in the very grips of alcohol addiction. I only wish I’d seen it coming and intervened years ago. There really is so much help out there, certainly more than I realised. However the absolute very worst part of addiction is that help can only be sought when that person is ready. God that took me so long to finally realise! You cannot force your son to seek help but you can access support for yourself to help you help him and to help you cope. Unfortunately I can’t get through to my partner and so I have to keep myself healthy and strong for my children and put them first which meant I needed to remove him from the family home. The best advice I can give is educate yourself and seek support, initially for yourself. I really hope your son is well again soon and this becomes very much a part of your past. Good luck queen bee xxx

[icarus-trust]

Hi Queen Bee,
Thank you for posting your story. I know it must be so hard for you feeling scared and out of your depth . Charlotte is right that your son will need to want help himself and that there is help available for you.
I work for a charity called The Icarus Trust that supports people like you who are dealing with the affects of a friend or family members’ addiction. If you contact us you could be put in touch with one of our ‘Family Friends’. These are experienced trained volunteers. Talking with one of them might help you to make sense of what is happening and to see what support is available to you and to help you feel less out of your depth.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org
All the best.

[icarus-trust]

Hi,
So sad to read how bad things are for you.
I work for a charity called The Icarus Trust. We offer support from experienced trained volunteers who you could talk to. Talking with them might be good as it could help you not to feel so alone. They could also signpost you or your fiancé to other help that’s available. This is a free service so I hope that you might give it a try and that it supports you to overcome these addictions.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org
All the very best to you.

[derekb]

There are no magic answers not even right or wrong ways to cope with this sort of situation. There is, however, lots of help available that can guide you forward. Sometimes you just need to chat with somebody that knows where to find that help and be there for you. Please let us, at the Icarus Trust help, we have trained Family Friends waiting to listen to you and help you to find the support you need. Contact us through our website http://www.icarustrust.org or just send an email to help@icarustrust.org. It is confidential and there are no catches.

[icarus-trust]

Hi Louise,
I am so sorry to read your heart breaking story. This must be very very tough for you and your daughter. As you say the awful effects of addiction goes much wider than the addicts themselves.
I really hope that you have people around you to help, but If you would like any other support please contact The Icarus Trust. We are a charity which tries to help the families and friends of addicts.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org
All the very best to you and your daughter.

[hope-faith]

Hi, very true words spoken. My heart goes out to you and your Daughter, your a very brave lady. I to dread that phone call and yes my partner believes it will never happen to him, he to has a beautiful Daughter who is growing into a young lady, he also has 2 stepsons one of them who would go to the end of the earth for him, I just hope he comes to his senses before its to late, I know this is a terrible thing to say but at times I feel we’ve already lost him. Take care my thoughts are with you xxx

[louise30]

Thank you for your words of Support, it’s 6 months today and honestly it’s not any easier you just somehow when doing the dishes or hoovering think of what your actually doing!!! The toxicology reports came back and sure enough it was a heart attack.
I had always had a strained relationship with his mother, infact so did he but I would say it’s worse then ever now as guilt has a funny way of rearing it’s ugly head at times like this, she decided to scatter her sons ashes without our daughter,people could say she was to young but it did not have to be done so soon,so I’m not actually sure where he is, sad thing is I think she still wants to remember him as her 14yr old boy not a grown man with a family of his own 🙁 !!!!
Lou x

[icarus-trust]

Really sad for you Louise!
Don’t forget The Icarus Trust if you want to talk to anyone about how you are feeling.
All the best to you.

[maddie]

i feel you could be talking about me. my son is the same only now he no longer lives with me but he will still try to wear me down.i have took the step of cutting all ties and changed my phone number.its time to look after me and the rest of my family.he been offered help many times but decided not to take it.its hard but we got to stay strong.good luck x

[scanners]

The light is off and im sitting in darkness at my daughters, the last few days have been bliss as my son went to his dads, however he is not as soft as me and told him how it was!, that was it, I got a phone call demanding a ticket home and NOW! My injunction is not being heard in court for another couple days, so like a battered wife I agreed for him to come home, my daughter went crazy and I told her I could not do this on my own, so she told me to go to hers and sit it out, I knew he would ring for me as he had no key, no money and he needed his fix! Im shaking as he has rang about 10 times demanding I speak with him, he only wants money from me, she is so brave and has told him ” she is my mum too and yr not speaking to her” what a girl, I feel safe. He is out on the streets tonight, I do worry about him but what can I do, I just want him to not be a bully to me, he talks to his sister the same way but she is so much stronger, he has threatened to come smash the windows, we have phoned the police but he has not shown up. Its me he wants, just wants to talk to me, its the first time I have said NO! He does not like it and its making him angry,Ihave allways given in before.god bless everyone, thank you for your kind words, I will keep going over in my head all the positive replies and advice. Xxxx

[icarus-trust]

Hi Victoria,
It is so hard for you and your mum to deal with the impact of your brother’s drinking but there is help for you as well as him out there.
The Icarus Trust is a charity which supports the families and friends affected by addiction. We have trained volunteers called ‘Family Friends’ who you or your mum could talk to. They have experienced the impact of addiction in their own lives so will understand what you are dealing with which hopefully would help you. They would also be able to signpost you to other services that could help your brother.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org
I really hope that this is useful.

[comforter]

Hi Lore, you have to learn to make it wether he does or not!. He is addicted to drugs and he is also a sex addict. Unfortunately the two go hand in hand. Im sure he is a good person deep down but the addiction has over taken him and he is selfish and self centred to the core of his being. You are caught up in a vicious circle of emotional, mental and physical trauma and abuse. BUT you can break the cycle of abuse. I know because I lived in this kind of relationship. I found help and support with alanon (meetings for friends and families of alcoholics) I separated from my husband when our daughter was 5 months old. It was hard but I have a lovely life now and my husband is sober a long time. I will pray for you! go to a meeting get help and support. I don’t know you but you were not taken into this world to be abused and neither was your little baby. God bless

[icarus-trust]

Hi Lore,
Thank you for sharing your story which I found very sad to read. It must be very hard for you coping with how your boyfriend treats you especially as you have your baby to look after.
I work for a charity called The Icarus Trust. We support the friends and families of people with addictions because we know how hard it is to living with a drug or alcohol user. If you think it would help to talk to one of our experienced, trained volunteers please get in touch. Maybe by talking with one of them you would be able to see a way ahead and find out what other support is available for you.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org
I hope that this helps. Good luck!

[cant-take-no-more]

Please seek some support too..There are many parents groups out there….One thing I can tell you, every professional group out there has given me the same advice…stop enabling them…….

[scanners]

Thank you cant take no more, im trying to be strong, my son has that hold over me, its the longest I have gone without giving him any money, 5 days! He hates me, and will hate me more when they deliver his injunction. I was in court this morning, so its done now and its up to him.he has been constantly ringing my daughter for money, telling her to put me on the phone, I dont think I have eaten properly for 4 days, its such a mess, I cant stop crying, im forever turning the lights off so it looks like no one is home, every car that stops outside my heart beats so fast, what the hell is my son doing to me, im a strong woman,well to every one else I seem to be, but my son breaks me! He scares the life out of me, and the saddest thing if he does come round or even down the road, he will be breaking the court rules and will be arrested and could go to prison! That is something I cant get my head around, I want some help for him to stop the smoking of cannabis, I have been looking on line for some help groups, as well as some help for my self. We did have a family group session when he was younger but now he is an adult and he needs 121. Big hugs everyone, I will say this, coming on here has helped me, I read all the blogs and in some, the story is my story. Xxx

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