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Me and my husband have been together from a very young age- I guess he’s the only relationship I’ve ever known. Alcohol has been a part of his life since he was a child and was given it to get him to sleep as a small boy. When we first started dating as teenagers his drinking wasn’t considered out of the norm as he was 19 and that was what all 19 year olds did – myself and he just brushed it off with the fact that it’s not something I’m into as I never really drank. He let me down a lot not turning up for dates etc treating me badly getting in trouble with the law as a result of his habits. Fast forward 10 years and I’m still here going through it only now we have two children.
At this time of year everything is more difficult as temptation is around – any excuse to get drunk and stay out. The effects on me have been huge depression anxiety I daring go put as I can’t leave the children in his care. He’s lost countless jobs, gone out on binges for days on end and dabbled in hardcore drugs. He lost his driving licences year ago for drink driving. Only thing is he won’t admit it’s a problem and regularly says being able to drink as much as he does is a ‘gift’ he’s gone to a few AA meetings to please me and the odd council session arranged by his gp.
The latest is he trashed our house and I called police as I was afraid he has never done this before but even tho my children didn’t witness this I still fear I’m putting them at risk. And they hear the arguments and see his bad moods after a drink or when he hasn’t got a drink. I don’t have the strength to carry on I’m mentally exhausted and on top of all this I work full time and pay for everything. He’s so unreliable with money and regularly blows his wages on binges. I know I should leave but I worry I’d never cope alone and we’ve been together for such a long time but my kids don’t deserve this! I’m not sure what advice anyone can give – I don’t know how to make things better but what I do now recognise is after years of trying I can’t get him to seek help and face up to his problems. Sorry for the long post xx
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Im no expert on alcohol.. but you need lay some ground rules or move on.. i know you think you will struggle. But theres always someone better and you will cope.
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Hi Sarah,
I am sorry that you are having such a difficult time as a result of your husband’s drinking. It clearly is making you feel ill and must be a very frightening feeling that you and your children may be at risk.
The police may have told you about the domestic violence team that you could contact if you need. You can call the National Domestic Violence Helpline, their number is 0808 2000 247 and it is free to call, open 24 hours a day, and calls are confidential.
Otherwise if you would like to talk with someone who would understand what you are going through please contact us at The Icarus Trust. We are a charity that provides support to people dealing with the addictive behaviour of a family member. One of our experienced trained people would be able to talk with you which you might find helpful.
the National Domestic Violence Helpline, as they will be best placed to give you advice on your situation and what to do next. Their number is 0808 2000 247 and it is free to call, open 24 hours a day, and calls are confidential.
Good luck with everything and keep safe.
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Sorry Sarah that last bit was muddled. Here are the contact details for The Icarus Trust.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org
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My heart goes out you . You have to protect yourself and your children . Mother to mother it is your job to ensure they grow into happy well grounded human beings . And if that means being being a single parent to give them this then that’s what what you should do . Find strength and have hope. If he truly loves you and his children he will give up drinking and be the husband and father you all deserve .
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