[eleighmitch]

Hi! I’m new to this thread and have a situation where correspondence in this forum would be a relief to me by way of venting, hearing possible advice from others, and showing others who are in something similar that they aren’t alone.

My dad is in his mid 70s. He is an alcoholic. Im 37 and am living with him now to save money but also to help him with things around the house.

When I was 21 my parents split up and my mom moved out. He is old school, stubborn, and lazy. He is mild mannered to the point of willful stoicism. But not admirable stoicism. After she left his mother died and both things combined made him just start drinking at a local hangout. He would drive after getting annihilated. One night he drove his truck into a corn field and left the scene (had a friend pick him up down the road) so as to avoid a dui. Helicopters were circling the area and cops woke me up. He never got in trouble. During that time I would never know how he would be when he’d get home. He was aggravating and impatient while being unstable on his feet. While I would be cooking he would interfere and act how I suspected he talked to his bar drunk friends. All these little and big things drove me away. I had been going to community college but I dropped out and moved to PA to live with my boyfriend at the time. I got in troubles of my own and it wouldn’t have happened if he hadn’t been so impossible to deal with.

Fast forward to now. He has let the house go to shambles. It is a five bedroom, finished basement colonial built in the early 90s. The basement developed a severe mold problem and the hvac broke. No air circulation made the house just dank and a breeding ground for mold. You couldnt spend five minutes inside without smelling it on your clothes hours later. The house never got vacuumed or dusted, he would fry foods and the grease would just stick to every surface, allowing all the airborne pathogens to just stick to everything. A pot of soil was overturned with soil just spilled out on the carpet. The entire house had stuff just laid wherever and it’s taken months to bring order to it.

I moved in this summer and I saw papers he had a DUI in 2014. In the summer he was getting cancer radiation treatment and still going to the bar. One day he collapsed in the kitchen and couldnt get up. He got up and free fell back into me. If I hadnt been there he wouldve cracked his head open on granite tiles.

I have talked to him and he knows he needs to do better during certain conversations, but during others he likes to pretend he’s living his best life and is blind to any effect it all has on others. He always has his head in the sand in the face of taking action or agency over his own life. Im afraid he’s squandering his golden years, but it’s not my life. He has a kind and gentle soul and was a good dad growing up. Somewhere he just gave up.

Back when my mom left I felt like just because she’s gone doesnt mean all is lost. I’m still around. Why isn’t that good enough to try to live the right way? If I decided to marry and have kids and never came to help clean this house, did he think I was going to let a toddler run around and breate that air? I never got my ducks in a row to have a family and try. Because my life was affected by him and it was a domino affect. I don’t blame him for my choices since but those were my formative years back then.

I guess I just wonder if anyone has similar stories. Any thoughts would be great. Thanks for listening.

[Author]

Posts