[luhorna]

Hi I’ve just ended my relationship with my boyfriend due to cocaine. And I’m feeling lost and guilty, have I done the right thing?and how do I get through this?

We got together over a year ago .. I had just come out of a 9 year marriage with three kids.

I was besotted … we fell in love fast. He told me he used to have an addiction but it was fine and Under control and only took it now and again ( I should off know then) but love turns you blind.. it wasn’t till a couple months into it The relationship I Noticed his behaviour changing and he wasn’t just taking it the odd weekend it was nearly every night.

He had moved in with me and he would stay up till 3 in the morning messaging girls .. I found out through a friend as he messaged her. And I had a girl message me telling me he had sent her rude pictures. He was also very horrible towards me and the kids.

I ended it but a week later i took himBack as he showed remorse and said he was sorry and wants to change .. his parents and family found out and we came to the decision that we would put boundaries in place And keep each other informed of his progress to support him. He accepted this so I thought he’s obviously trying .

Anyway months down the line He did Try and he did well And when he wasn’t taking it he was fab but then and after a number of relapses i ended up having to give him his final chance Through the advice of his mam and unfortunately I’ve Had to end it. Something that I never thought I would have to do.

He’s blaming it all on me and saying I shouldn’t of told people, he hasn’t Got a problem, and I tried to change him too much, I made him do it from going on like I did . (Attitude has totally changed)

He has a daughter which he has only got back. .. I’ve been looking after her and me and my kids have grown an amazing bond With her and him .. we are a family… I thought ending it might make him see sense but He Just doesn’t seem bothered at all .

I have reminded him I can’t have drugs or his behaviour when he’s on them around our children at all it’s damaging my mental health.

Me and my kids are heartbroken..

Is there any hope or should I just walk away for good?

I did all this so that if this happened I could walk away and think I tried everything. But I still don’t want to walk away even though he doesn’t want me in his life anymore.

We love him so much and I’m absolutely lost and heartbroken But he doesn’t feel the same.

Anyone out there been in a similar situation and it Eventually turned out positive? x

[kel1]

I think someone on here asked for positive outcomes previously, and I’ve followed the link, and so far nothing. I’ve read how some wives/ girlfriends have stayed, and the guy has sort of changes but with conditions attached, such as having drug tests and other such like!

It’s only been one year? I’d suggest moving on before it gets worse – and by the sounds of it it will. He has already you let you down enough times after you’ve given chances.

Heartbreak is what happens when cocaine is involved. It’s ruins people and families. People turn into monsters. As for the blame and all th abuse, well that’s what happens because the drug messes with the chemistry in the brain. Hence, why it’s so addictive, as basically the user is constantly avoiding the “come downs/lows”

Don’t listen to all that noise, and they all say “they don’t want you/ don’t love you” etc it’s cliche, but again, that drug seems to take away everything from a person – even the way they view the world. They become, angry, hostile, untrusting, unreliable, lying unlovable individuals (and more).

Honestly no good can come from an addict, especially one that isn’t sorting himself out. I don’t mean “saying I’ll change” I mean actually doing something about it properly! Plenty of help out there.

Its hard because you have come out of a marriage and into this which I kind get how tough that might be! But I’d suggest focusing on you and your children now and leave that darkness behind you.

Warm wishes

[luhorna]

Thankyou so much for your honesty, I am going to try and focus on me and the kids and try and build it up the friendships that have been neglected along the way .. I will stand my ground and support him and be there for him but that’s only if he is wanting to do it for himself.. with the appropriate help. And I will only do it at a safe distance for me and the children so I can keep them protected, I believe everyone deserves a chance to make things better but if he chooses not to well, I will keep reminding myself I tried everything and move on with my life, it’s so sad what these drugs do to decent people and families, people are so right when they say they are toxic xx

[kel1]

I agree with everything you’ve said. My ex partner of 22 years was lovely, loyal and decent all those years and we literally had everything until cocaine came along. I don’t recognize him now. He don’t even see our two girls. He is so different now, and it’s unbelievable the change in them. I am seven months along and I’m still in shock at how he has changed. He has no soul, angry all the time and hates/blames me for everything.

Heartbreaking absolutely heartbreaking. X

[luhorna]

That’s so awful .. I just hope he’s not that far gone for this to make a difference but to be honest he’s been for his stuff today and for all he’s not on drugs and back to his normal self unless he wants to change things will just keep going back .. and he will lose his daughter next .. I’m saying this in a strong way and I’m aware of how it’s going but I don’t want to lose him too ..probably similar to yourself ???? xx

[kel1]

Hardest decision I had to make in my life. We was together since I was 17. He was my life, but I went through hell, and had a break down. I also hope you don’t have to go thru hell and I hope you stay strong ????.

I’m sure when mine is off drugs he will realize what’s he has lost. I won’t talk to him at the moment, funnily he just text me now!

It’s all just so sad ????.

Sadly, if they don’t go get help themselves I’m not convinced they do change they just get better at disguising things and then the lies “step up”. Been there ????

[jphillips]

I literally could’ve written this original thread myself…!

My bf of nearly 2 years has a cocaine addiction, which I was totally oblivious to for months. He’s borrowed over £1000 in the last 6 months. He works, makes decent money but always seems to spend it! He contributed very little to the household. Not knowing much about his past, I went to see his ex wife and she told me that he’d done a stint in rehab a few years back but he relapsed. He then slept with an alcoholic behind her back.

Just this week I found he’d been on a swingers site for the last 5 months and slept with god knows who behind my back. I’m devastated. He’s now living at his mums and although I still love him and want to support him from afar. I’m not sure there’s any hope there. Similarly to you, I have 2 children from my 1st marriage and he has 2 from his 1st marriage. I realise that he has to want to change and I mean genuinely. But only last night I found he was still on the swingers site!!! ????….I don’t know if it’s the drugs or of they’re just an excuse…who knows?

My personal plan is to get some distance between us, let him live at his mums, be supportive from afar and see if he genuinely wants to make some positive changes.

And if he does, then I’ll support him, and maybe give myself a time limit for him to do this. Whilst I’m prepared to support and stand by him, I’m not waiting forever or putting my life on hold. I still need to put myself and my children first. And I think that’s what you should do. It’s very hard when you love someone, I know. You think of what your future could be like if they weren’t an addict. But the cruel reality is that he IS an addict and you can’t rescue them, they have to do it for themselves and mean it and only then may you have a hope of reuniting.

Thoughts are with you. Good luck.

[stephaniiie]

Hi

I feel your hurt in your message

I think you were very brave to end the relationship.

You say you gave him many chance and set boundaries and he didn’t abide by any.

He obviously needs is own time alone to reflect on his erratic behavior and life choices.

People can be in denial of their addictions and when confronted always redirect the blame of their actions onto others

You are a mother of three children. (I am the same)

My advice to you would be to take this time to self heal, focus on your own mental wellbeing and most of all on your children.

Don’t look back in anger or forward in fear but around us in awareness!!

We all want the best intentions for our loved ones. My husband is a heroin addict and I have gave him a month to stabilise or il continue my life without him

Life is too short to be wasted.

Know your worth and don’t let any person devalue your worth.

Stay strong x

[Author]

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