[cashhurt]

So By now you have a glimpse of what life was like during this time, but what I have failed to tell you to this point is that I failed him too.

Nobody else would go visit him when he was in jail so I would. During those forced detoxed stages in his life, I really enjoyed talking to him. He talked about life, his regrets, his fears, but most of all he always asked if he could come and live with me and my family. But I couldn’t say yes. I had my young daughter in the house and I was afraid for her. But everyday, I now regret that decision. I know the odds against recovery are there but some do recover so it’s possible. But I failed to give that chance.

So how did he die? He was given one last ticket, given a ride to the bus station, the next day he had had made his way clear across town about 10-15 miles and the last words he said to anyone was to please help him because he didn’t want to die. He was 29 years old.

So how does Johnny Cash fit into all of this? If you have never listened to the Johnny cash rendition of “Hurt” you should. My nephew said it was the way he felt everyday.

I dont know if my story helps anyone, and I have left out many details but what I can say pay attention and don’t wait. Even when you are at your wits end try.

Thank you

For my nephew who died two years ago who I miss dearly

[lindyloo]

Hi Cashhurt,

I am so sorry to read your story and sad to hear of the loss of your nephew. Another young person lost to this evil illness of addiction.

So many on this forum with stress and anxiety worrying about loved ones, this is our worst nightmare.

My son also has alcohol and cocaine addictions. He is 28yrs, he’s was clean for almost 6 months and relapsed a week ago.

I’ve said we won’t be paying any more drug debts, I buy food and cigs when he has no cash, until payday. I understand it’s an illness, its hard when you try to be firm.

Please don’t blame yourself, I also have a young daughter, she has been exposed to this dark underworld that we previously knew nothing about. Fortunately (or unfortunately) he lives alone.

I’ve told him he needs to be in contact every day with us. As I know after taking cocaine, people get “lost” or out of it for days.

This is what worries me, when he doesn’t get in touch, I fear the worst. The drugs make them selfish, they don’t realise the hurt they cause their families.

No one has the answers, we can only hope and pray that we can help and support as best we can, without our own (and others in our family ) health and well-being being affected.

It is ultimately down to the choices they themselves make, we can only be there to support them where we can and if we’re able.

You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

Lx

[cashhurt]

I appreciate your kind words. I pray that your son has the fortitude to make the changes needed not to beat this illness or sickness, but to cope with it and make the changes in his life that will take his life in a different direction.

I will tell you that I do have plenty of regrets and anger. Not so much at the outcome but at the decisions made that helped this illness win. Time and time again, we make the same mistakes thinking the outcome will be different. How many times do we think or tell ourselves this time will be different.

I am not one to shy away or mince words no matter the outcome. I do not mind saying that my last words to my mother in law and sister in law were not kind. The only regret I have is that I waited till it was too late to make a difference.

As I had mentioned, they have another child and he now is following the same path. I cannot wrap my head around the idea that we continue to make the same mistakes over and over again.

We do not have very many homeless in my area where I live but once in a while I will run into a “druggie” in a parking lot who just happened to need money for gas. Before my nephew, I would have turned them away. Now, I always offer them food or money, in everyone I run into I see my nephew and I remember when he was homeless and alone.

I was speaking to the grandmother of a young man who had been run off from his home. She asked me for advice. My best advice is find help. Help isn’t bad or a badge of disgrace. Help is family, a friend, a neighbor or stranger. Help is anyone that might make the difference. Don’t hide from this, deal with it. Understanding that no matter what they will always be our children is key to becoming selfless.

I wish I had learn this sooner,

Take care

[lindyloo]

Thank you Cashhurt,

I hope you find your inner peace.

I too, feel the need to help people in the street, down on their luck. I buy food or warm gloves or hat.

My son appeared this evening , needing tobacco and something to eat.

I didn’t ask too many questions as I was relieved to see him.

Take care of yourself

Lx

[cashhurt]

Give him a hug from me. Tell him that people care. I wish you all the best and trust when I say always look up the answers are there no matter how hard it gets.

Take care

[Author]

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