[lottie03]

Recently just split from my partner who has a history of cocaine and alcohol use. He was off cocaine for a year and a half but we have recently split up. I knew he was back using because of his behaviour and we have a 4 month old baby, and after failing a drug test I don’t think he’s fit enough to look after her. Need some advice on what to do.

[natasha21]

I would run a mile personally. My hubby (although says he doesn’t do it) still up from 7 this morning and been to work. Hes downstairs using and I know he is .just an awful life to have living with an addict xx

[fayzey]

I got back with my bf hoping he would stay clean, I think partly because of my hormones as we’d not long had a baby and I wanted it to work, but 3 years later he’s back on it and now it’s sooo much harder as he has a really good relationship with our son so I now feel I’m stuck with him. He was meant to be looking after him as nursery was closed last week and I found out he spent £150 on either coke/crack during that day!!!! So now can’t leave him at all. So with a baby no way I would leave him on his own, make sure you’re there too unless you’re sure he’s clean and is going to stay that way. My bf would be horrified if I said I was going to let someone babysit who’d been taking drugs but ok for him to do it apparently. They can’t control it at all so you just can’t trust them at those times unfortunately. Sorry you are having to deal with this with a baby to look after, take care of yourself xx

[shell98]

You love him,it’s so hard

[natasha21]

Exactly he would not let you leave the baby with an addict .but in his eyes he’s not an addict just takes it recreational, ive heard it all before. He will never change cause he doesn’t want to. My hubby is proper cocky too about it all.almost throwing it in my face about him still using an theres nothing I can do about it. Stay strong xx

[fayzey]

I just don’t understand how their brains work it doesn’t make sense does it?? My partner has never ever voluntarily. admitted anything to me in the whole c. 6 years we’ve been together I’ve found out eventually each time – but then he gets better at lying so I have to come up with a new way. The lies are unbelievable. Now I’m secretly testing him and it’s positive but can’t say anything…. I could ask him to leave as it’s my house and I think that’s the only reason he doesn’t throw it in my face like yours does as when we had to stay at his for a while I saw a real change in him he was vile – I feel stupid as so many ladies on here want to get away and I have the chance but I’m not strong enough I feel too guilty and bad for our son who just always wants his daddy….I think you’re right they have to really want to change – he does a bit I believe that but he doesn’t put the effort in he just tried to hide away in the house so it’s never going to work long term especially as his older son and now our next door neighbours son turn out to be both selling it – makes me feel there’s no hope I just feel so sad for our son xx

[jamesb]

Hi mate, I’m at work so can’t reply much but I saw you say you feel guilty for your son who just wants his daddy.

If this has been going on for 6 years already then the best chance of your son getting his daddy back is to distance yourself from your partner. Make sure that he knows that he needs to get help and control his addiction so he can be the dad his son deserves and hope that the realisation of you leaving and it affecting his relationship with his son helps him get clean.

If you do nothing all that will happen is your son will have a dad who’s doing gear and a mum who is worn down and tired from trying to hold the family together.

Be strong and always do what you know is right by your son.

Take care

James x

[fayzey]

Hi James, thanks for taking the time to reply I really appreciate your advice – I know in my heart you’re right it’s just so hard to make a break. He’s gone for months at a time without using and I thought this was it he’d finally done it but don’t think that will ever be the case – he’s 50 this year and basically had a lifelong drug problem. Hopefully I’ll be strong enough to do what I need to do one day xx

[natasha21]

Hi lovely, yeh mine went out from work last night, I spoke to him at 5:30,said he would be an hour, I text and phoned after 9 ish,no contact back then 12,30 this morning hes phoning (selfish b, don’t answer my calls or texts but phones and expects me to answer. ) anyway told him to stay at his drug dealer *( friend apparently, cause hes so thick) he came back at 6 this morning like nothing happened, trying to cuddle me,joker. Not gone to work hes still in bed asleep. One big argument today now when he gets up because he’s selfish and thinks it’d all acceptable at the age of 45 to do what he wants. Stay strong beautiful xx

[natasha21]

Hi James how are you?I can’t cope anymore with his mood swings, drug and drink habit and then him just being either vile to me or just not talking x

[mammyessex]

What’s happened Natasha ? Sometimes it just gets to you bad I feel like every ounce of my body is just drained why’s this fair on us ????

[fayzey]

It’s so horrible having an atmosphere isn’t it – it’s ok for them cos they’re blocking it out with the drugs but we have to deal with it- we’ve not really spoken for 2 weeks now…hope you’re ok, can you get away anywhere for a break away from him? xx

[natasha21]

Hey fayzey, no nowhere to go apart from work, I’ve just tried talking to him again but to no avail, so ive told him I want a divorce cause hes making me ill. He’ just sat there no response. I’m done, I was a long time ago but today I just can’t carry on like it anymore x

[natasha21]

Hey fayzey, no nowhere to go apart from work, I’ve just tried talking to him again but to no avail, so ive told him I want a divorce cause hes making me ill. He’ just sat there no response. I’m done, I was a long time ago but today I just can’t carry on like it anymore x and nearly 50,acting like a kid like my idiot head whos 45 x

[fayzey]

You’ve got to put yourself first and do what you need to do to make sure you’re ok, depressing to think of the rest of our lives being more of the same that’s for sure. It doesn’t sound like your husband wants to change? Mine says he does sometimes and has temporarily but he doesn’t actually make any changes just hides away from everyone then as soon as he gets offered any it’s back to square one. Can’t believe he said nothing when you said about a divorce! Do you think it sunk in? You’d think they’d grow out of it by 45/50 but doesn’t seem to work like that x

[natasha21]

He thinks I won’t do it but I am going to,I made the bed up in the living room and he said whos that for, I said me im not sleeping or going anywhere near you. And I will sleep down here every night now I don’t care,he needs to know there’s consequences for his behaviour, im also phoning a solicitor on Thursday x

[fayzey]

Sending hugs to you lovely xx what a horrible situation but sounds like you are doing the right thing, maybe he will come to his senses if he realises you mean it and get some help xx

[helga]

I think from my experience working in the city working and living where I do, cocaine and alcohol abuse is normalised….

There is more people doing it than not… no kidding…

Everyone on it thinks everyone is doing it and so it is ok. (It isn’t)

If you aren’t confident then you tell him so. If he doesn’t accept this then you involve his family – out him on his ways (as long as he hasn’t got anything to throw back in your face) failing that, speak to social services or have meetings together with your baby so you always have the control and assurance x

[natasha21]

Hello mammyessex, how are you? He went out Mon for a drink after work phoned up with his friend ( the dealer lol) getting a taxi back. Absolutely no chance I said. So he stayed at his mates came back 6am never went to work, slept all day. I have slept downstairs all week, not spoke to him.told him I want a divorce x

[mammyessex]

I’m ok one of my boys has been poorly so hardly slept x what did he say about divorce ? It’s no life is it this x

[natasha21]

Still really worried about donthaveaclue x

[mammyessex]

Me too ???? I pray she’s safe and ok I keep checking to see if she’s commenting x

[natasha21]

Nothing cause he thinks I’m bluffing. I’m not accepting this life anymore, I hate it x

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