[cjj93]

Hello so I have posted on this before found at the time it helped. So long story short my ex partner is a coke addict & it caused us to split and still apart now. I couldn’t help him neither could him being the father to our kids. I gave up & I moved on with my life. I blocked him from everything leaving him to sort his life out to become a father again until he done that I was done, he’s recently came back with a vengeance On heavy drugs a lot more than usual & caused so much trouble around me. I am back to square one but now the law are involved stopping any contact with him & im the one sitting here in pain & depression whilst he seems to be happy and living his life. I don’t know what to do anymore :’(

[louise1505]

Hi u sound like Iv been where I currently am my ex admitted st Xmas he has a coke problem but then days after saying he wanted help rebuild etc ran away from it dint c me kids for 4 months – since found out he’s living with a older woman who also takes coke and he seems to have no interest in us at all- click on my name u can see my story – he now says it’s laughable I think he had a coke problem and I shud just accept the relationship is over ! Which I do any way but he shows no interest in the kids either!!

I duno wat advice to offer as I feel like I’m in limbo and just a bit lost . There’s nothing we can do I guess but carry on for the kids in hope one day rock bottom hits them hard ! It’s a waiting game I guess or u just cut them out completely . It’s a nightmare. They have no idea of the pain caused . Here if u need to chat anytime xx

[cjj93]

It’s horrible isn’t it? I also get that he’s doing this because he’s addicted then on the other hand he’s vile and will say he’s left because of me because he can’t be with me he wasn’t happy etc I’m ugly then I’m not I can’t cope with it anymore. Thankyou & you too x

[louise1505]

Same I get it all we didn’t work we didn’t get on there was no love any more blah blah yet last year every few weeks I had the I’m sorry ur the best thing ever I love u so much then he’d switch like he’d forgot wat he’d said!! In reality we get on really well and are best mates wen he’s “normal” it’s sad it’s like grieving for a person who isn’t actually dead x

[cjj93]

Yes that’s exactly it. I miss the old person before drugs and there’s no way he’s coming back. It’s something we have to deal with and it looks like there enjoying it . But we deserve better than this x

[kel1]

I’m in the same boat also, the familiarity is scary. You could literally be writing about me and my now ex partner. Our lovely little family has been torn a part and I’m also left bewildered and low in my mood. It’s awful and really stressful.

I got all the “not in love with you anymore” and “we wasn’t happy bla bla” news to me! But that’s all the coke talking. It changes them into asshxxes!

I agree Louise it is a waiting game but sadly it could take years and I’m not going to hang about. I’m trying to focus on me now, and recover from the hell I’ve been through, along with supporting our girls who by the way he don’t bother with anymore!

It’s so sad.

Plus, these people ain’t Happy! I get what you’re saying tho but anyone who has to take drugs to “live” a life aint Happy so don’t be thinking’s that. If anything they’re probably miserable most of the time, sat with shame, disgust etc which is why they use constantly!

[cjj93]

See this is why I knew coming on here would help me because it’s madness to think we’re not alone in this girls. Your right I couldn’t sit around waiting for the change either I tried and i lost myself in the process. I’m sick of feeling that I’m not enough and I need to get back to myself just wish it was as easy as typing it. Yeah I understand that I see one minute he’s living life and then I think what life? How is all that happy. I’m the one with the kids so I’m the one who should be happy especially for them. Thankyou and always here to speak to anyone else going through it we’ve got this xx

[helenl]

Girls we are not alone! I found this forum accidentally last night. I went through exact all the same…can you believe it! Every word, every situation, every story – kel 1 , louise, every each if you have told IT’S GOD DAMN MINE STORY TOO. Girls I will be very Frank now, after I left him 6 month ago I was agonising, I had physical symptoms of pain in my heart. The words he ever told about me were spinning in my head and making me mad, crazy. I had anxiety, panic attacks, i thought he will find and kill me…it took me 3 month befire I could take the control over my life, over myself and to start to heal my self , my soul, my spirit, mental part of me. Girls, please bagging you don’t compromise don’t go back! It’s a big danger and risk to lose yourself forever. This forum helped me a lot! I thought that I am alone, but you are so many…sisterhood of abused and used by miserable addicts. I am sorry for my rudeness. These people are miserable and tearing apart genuine, beautiful and emotionally intelligent ladies.

[louise1505]

I’m defo not sitting round waiting any more sat for 3 years I wud still help him if he needed it for the kids but me I’m moving on ! Iv recently started seeing someone and just how he speaks to me and treats me is lovely and normal and it makes me see how un normal he is! As far as iv heard mine is living with an older woman who has coke issues too and I think coz she enables his in the bad guy she’s suddenly everything! Me kids don’t matter right now ! Wen i didn’t know wat he was up to he was to and from me to her iv found out coz he loved the family life but had to go to her for the fix ! It’s sad it really is but it’s the life he’s chosen wen he crashes ends up dead or in prison he will wake up I hope and start being a dad x

[kel1]

Oh I’ve been through so much hell I almost feel broken down. I totally lost myself in all this crap. I’ve been talked to In the worse way imaginable, and cheated on with some old women. It makes me feel so low and knocked my self esteem to sh*t. I used to be so confident, and I want to get back to that.

Louise im absolutely terrified of meeting someone new but I know one day I will – good for you. I really don’t want what he did to us ruin my future and I definitely don’t want to be alone forever.

[cjj93]

I have broke down lost it all. Just have to get up for the boys else they’ll have no parents they’ve lost one already because his drugs mean more I couldn’t leave them without any other because of what he’s done to me. And none of his family have anything to do with the kids either I’ve literally had enough want out with it all & just smile I just want my smile back. I was the same had so much confidence I’ve now got body dysmorphia because I’m so used to being cheated on by different girls and comparing and feeling not good enough else why else would he cheat? Plus he told me a lot how ugly he thinks I am so now I do feel it like nobody else will want me x

[louise1505]

Iv been same tbh he made comments about my weight so many times and iv never been big only a 8/10 but I struggled so much past year over my weight !

His parents are shit don’t care bout kids blame me over this issues and don’t even know where he lives it’s sad really is they live 5 min from me and never visit us I just want rid of the lot of them !

It scares me that if sumat happened to me where does that leave me kids my mums great but she’s 72!

I’m slowly moving on though I’m not rushing but seeing someone see my worth notice wat I give and do has given me the strength to start to let go at least xx

[cjj93]

Good that your moving in the right direction babe. You deserve the love and kindness after being put through hell. I applaud you and everyone else going through this it’s horrible x

[kel1]

Same here, I’ve been blamed, shamed and accused of being out of order by his family because I asked him to leave the home after finding out about his recent cheating! I wouldn’t mind but he told me all about his sordid night with a stranger In front of our daughter.

Brings me to tears even remembering all of that.

I do know I deserve better and at the moment taking it one day at a time.

I think all of their nastiness is a projection of how ugly they are on that stuff. I can’t even look at my ex he makes me sick!

[cjj93]

It’s disgusting x

[louise1505]

It is it’s awful they are the devil on it really are ! My ex told me he was on it then disappeared again wen I flipped and rang and rang him for answers said I was being dramatic he’s give me an inch by telling me and iv took a yard !! ???? have to laugh how deluded they are x

[cjj93]

We have to laugh now don’t we else god knows x

[icarus-trust]

Hi,

I’m really sorry to read your post and to see how badly affected you are by your ex partner’s addiction.

I’m glad that you have this site to talk to others in the same situation as you. If you would like any further support please contact us at The Icarus Trust. We are a charity that supports people dealing with the addiction of a partner or family member. We know how hard this is and we can offer help if you get in touch.

You can contact Icarus Trust on help@icarustrust.org or visit our website http://www.icarustrust.org

Good luck.

[cjj93]

Hi thankyou I will email for more help I am getting as much as I can

[cjj93]

So glad we’re not alone it’s all true Helen x

[jess285]

Hey girls I’m in the same boat. I had to leave my partner of 4 years last week after finding out he blew 600 pounds going on a 5 day coke and diazepam bender with his work colleague. He was doing so well 18 months off it. I tryed so hard for years to keep him on the straight and narrow. He ignored me for days wouldn’t speak to me over the phone just text now and again. Iv gone round in circles for years and realised he was never going to change. He still thinks he hasn’t got a problem. Won’t go and get the help needed. He was also addicted to codeine while he was off coke for those 18 months so I guess that just replaced the coke. I am struggling with my own mental health trying to create a new routine for myself. I lost my kids when I fell ill.. looking after him thinking that was what was needed. I am now in court next month fighting to get my kids overnight. I do see them now just a few times a week. I also got diagnosed 3 years ago with bipolar disorder so iv had my own challenges. I always looked after him, cooked and did his washing when I was well. He sucked the life out of me and I was constantly drained it was always about him. They only care about themselves and use you iv come to realise and I’m better off without him. I too lost myself and put on loads of weight to the point I’m unrecognisable. I had to block him from emails shut down the old ones as he kept creating new email accounts. I changed my number. My family and friends had to block him from social media he wouldn’t leave me alone. He was banging on my sisters door the night I left him. He would be nasty in his emails calling me fat and ugly and no one will want you. And thank god you aborted our kid. Then he would send feel sorry for me emails begging for me back. It was hard the first week I must admit I wanted to get back with him as I missed him. Let me just say.. It all starts with self worth.. self love.. Self care.. Self confidence.. Self compassion.. Self respect.. save yourself before you save anyone else. There’s a song by Ed Sherian called save yourself my friend told me to listen to it the other night and it so rings true! Its the best thing you can do for yourself and your children.. shift your focus on them!! not on him! They will never change and will take you down with them. You will find someone else so worthy of you and your kids remember that you are stronger than you know!!! ???? xxx

[cjj93]

Aww hun that’s terrible. I do hope you get your children back where they belong & he sounds so much like my ex he’s also taking the diazepam and god knows what else now. It’s been easier that he isn’t allowed to call me now by law but his bail conditions lift next weekend so I’m unknown to what he will try. I don’t know him anymore and it breaks my heart because sometimes I sit and want the old him back and then I think no way! I’m going to listen to the song. Good luck in court xx

[jess285]

Yeah it’s really hard I think like that too I think I was creating a Co dependancy towards him like I could fix him. Sometimes it takes a while to learn from this and sit back and start by loving youself and saying to yourself you deserve better! We all do! I hope he stays away and you manage to get on with your life!! I too might have to get a restraining order! Thank you for your lovely reply it means alot xx

[cjj93]

It’s easier said than done sometimes isn’t it x

[jess285]

I’m listening to this on you tube thought it might help xx

[cjj93]

Thankyou I’ll have a listen x

[cjj93]

Omg that Ed Sheeran song had me in tears x

[jess285]

Awww hope your OK it’s definitely made me think differently about myself listening to it xx

[smarker]

Hey ladies, reading your stories really does help so much. I haven’t been with my partner many years but I recently found messages which prove he had lied to me for majority of our relationship (taking cocaine behind my back) even going to the toilet whilst im in bed, the lies are unreal, he used to call me paranoid and crazy. He eventually admitted to everything – that was his last chance. Which was 2 weeks ago. Last night I found an empty cocaine bag which he had hid inside the bin bag, I wouldn’t have looked if the bag hadn’t of split ? Maybe someone looking down on me. He has denied it yet again even though I know he’s lying. My hearts broken. I’ve finally ended it today and I know I need to walk away. He promised he would stop and was ready to never touch that stuff again (one night I’m away from him and look what happens). I love him more than anything and worry about him so much. However since I’ve told him it’s over I’ve heard nothing (6 hours ago). Maybe he never loved me like I thought. Very sad but we will get through this ladies, we deserve the world xxx

[cjj93]

The lies come with the drug addiction hun I’ve learnt that nothing they will say they will mean it’s what they think we want to hear. It gets better when you realise they won’t change its just being strong enough to leave them for good. Your right we do deserve the world not liars that want drugs instead of the world we could give them x

[smarker]

That’s very true. I sometimes think to myself maybe he isn’t addicted and just enjoys doing it every now and then but if your not addicted why would you lie? He clearly is but I think I forced him to stop before he actually wanted to. He doesn’t value our relationship at all because he knew I’d leave but maybe thought I wouldn’t find out. I feel sorry for him as he’s the one going to be left with nothing. But I can’t live for him anymore xx

[cjj93]

Yes I also thought that too I always said to him your not addicted your making it fun. But babe rise above it easier said that done isn’t it I know myself always here to speak xx

[smarker]

Thank you hun. I’ll check in again soon. Stay strong xx

[burgdorfmomma2]

I have no tangible proof but I KNOW my ex is on coke… reading all the posts it sounds just like my story.

8 years of marriage one day he was inlove calling me constantly and showering our kids with affection… the boom He was screaming at me not calling not coming home (trucker) suddenly he didn’t want me he cheated then screamed at me for getting legal counsel saying I was leaving him and didn’t wanna be married… then told me to go get divorce then called me screaming about some guy talking to me on Instagram.

Came home begging to reconnect was good for 2 days…two good like overly happy etc…but he kept going to his truck and locking it… random crying…he went back out on the road and a few days later back to lying mood swings etc… next thing I knew it was name calling I asked him about drugs…his reaction is why I know im right he ONLY flips out when he is caught he accused me of doing drugs called me names, said I was spreading rumors about him calling his work… he came home.AGAIN acting like a zombie with no feelings threw shit yelled ignored the kids sexually assaulted me (decided I’d do anal if I liked it or not making me scream and wouldn’t get off me I had to kick him) he denies it ever happend… beat his dog for peeing on our floor mats threw our sons bike… then disappeared came back awhile later to tell me fine get the divorce we could remarry latter… took his sbit and moved to another state with his side chick junkie…still acted like we were together until I finally was like no ur with her… he told his kids he picked “his job” over them…7 months he hasn’t seen them in 7 months…I was a stay at home mom he has left us penniless and doesn’t care. He called for awhile but it was always broken promises.to our kids and them crying so now that been over for almost 3 months… he is dodging the divorce won’t visit his family even though his grandpa has cancer. His GF is putting things In her name for him… I found out alot of other things like a years worth of lies I never knew….naturally he tells people I’m a cheating liar…I LOVED THAT MAN…THAT MAN I LOVED IS.GONE A.DEMON OWNS HIS SOUL

[Author]

Posts