[CNic2023]

My Partner is an alcoholic. He is. He has told me that he is. He says that he knows he has a problem with drinking and he needs to get better. But he doesn’t. He just doesn’t get better. He seems to go through this cycle of having a day every few days of saying that he needs to do something and then doesn’t do anything. There isn’t a day where he doesn’t drink. He will take alcohol over food and sometimes will eat nothing apart from maybe a bit of bread or something but will drink a bottle of wine. His obsession is Buckfast. That’s his true Illness. It’s that awful stuff. He drinks it like it’s juice. I have told him that it is not only feeding his addiction to alcohol but also to caffeine. I can’t think of anything that is as bad as that stuff.
He doesn’t know his limit. His emotions are all over the  place and he uses the alcohol any time that he says he is “on the edge” or “nervous”. He also has mood swings like I have never known with anyone I have ever been with. It could be a “good morning how are you” to a “f*** you I hope you f*****g burn” and telling me that he wants to leave the relationship. He doesn’t understand the normal life. Anything that doesn’t involve sitting around drinking or doing something extravagant isn’t worth his time. The only time he leaves the house is to buy alcohol.
It’s always a hard day when the shop doesn’t get Buckfast in because I get the brunt of it. My house gets a new dent in the wall or today was the door from the rage and if you try to question him about why he needs the Buckfast then the horrible words that he uses cripple my confidence. He makes me feel inadequate like I can’t help him.
I am totally out of ideas. I have tried the nice approach, the opening up approach, the straight forward approach, the ultimatums… everything and it seems to not matter how much I love him and care for him, he will always love alcohol more than me.
What do I do?

[paige]

Hi, so sorry you’re having such a terrible time.

I am in recovery myself from alcohol also so is my mum, if you can afford rehab I would advise it massively. Reaching out to drug and alcohol services and also AA meetings, also for yourself alanon which a meeting for families affected by alcohol.

Only issue is unless your husband wants to stop regardless with what you do he will go back to it, he has to hit his Rock bottom before he decides himself to stop. If he’s doing it for you or anyone else it won’t work.

not truly is the devil and addiction is such a horrible I’llness. I really hope things get better you all.

good luck

[eddie123]

If you know of anyone who is struggling with a loved ones addiction, I know of a great charity that supports people nationwide. The family support programme is remote and they help many families a year. Please see link and fill in the referral and someone will endeavour to respond within 24 hours.

https://www.adaptoxford.org.uk/support

They also provide free treatment to the substance user if they want the support themselves( under the adapt programme on their website)

[Author]

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