[nannyp]

I was married to an agressive alcoholic for 13 years. I learned early in the marriage not to comment or challenge him because if I got the better of him verbally then he got the better of me physically. Not hitting, strangling. I stayed for the children, trying to keep a stable home, but he was aggressive to my son too (though not my daughter) and I could see that they were being badly affected. When we divorced I vowed that I would never let that happen to me again. Though the next 10 years were really difficult dealing with the effect all this had had on my son, he was depressed, angry, was bullied badly in school and eventually became suicidal. I was a single parent, working full time in a demanding job to make ends meet and was thoroughly exhausted.

Then thankfully I met a lovely teetotal man. I have lots of teetotal friends, so never thought to ask why? Everything was wonderful and we married 9 years ago. Both his children and mine have completely accepted the relationship which is fantastic. But last summer we discovered that his eldest son, who lives at the other end of the country, was separating from his wife. He was utterly devastated at leaving her and his two very young children. The cause was his alcoholism and depression. He came to stay with us and because of my previous experience he felt he could talk openly with me and I spent literally hours and hours every day talking with him, letting him get all the pain and hurt he had experienced in his marriage off his chest. It was exhausting and my husband was so grateful to me for helping his son. His son has tried to commit suicide 3 times over the last year, he is in and out of hospital with serious consequences of his drinking – chronic pancreatitis, kidney and liver damage and now has caused damage to his brain too. Supporting him was totally draining and my husband just fell apart. I have discovered that he too was an alcoholic! He recovered before we met and that was why he was teetotal. Over the years he has started drinking weak bear, just a couple a night. But since his son moved in with us his drinking has escalated alarmingly. We reached a point where we could no longer support his son in our home and so he has moved into a shared house close to his mum, brother and sister. He has lots of support from them as well as us, so now it is a shared responsibility.

But my husbands drinking has continued to increase he is drunk every day, slurring and unsteady on his feet. We no longer have a relationship, when he is not working he is drinking. I tried to be sympathetic at first, knowing how upset and worried he was about his son. But given my background I now find I have no patience or tolerance. I can’t believe that I’m back living with an alcoholic. I have just reached retirement age – how I’ve longed for retirement hoping to relax and enjoy life at last. I feel exhausted, angry and resentful!

Sorry for the long post but have no-one I feel I can share all this with.

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