[Goodtime7]

My son  has been an addict for 15 years

His addic

[Goodtime7]

My sons addiction has meant the end of his

Family life and loss of his job, his partner could not cope with his lies and spending of money needed to provide for his family.

I paid for rehab in the hope he could save his family life, he relapsed

So a very depressed son came back to live with me and his step dad, my son is 32 years old

GP put him on antidepressants, my son spent 5 months talking to me and CA

Life was improving, regular visits with his daughter, a new job and then ……

His partner started a new relationship and my son, with money in his pocket went back to cocaine and his behaviour had spiraled

A recent row between my son and husband resulted in my son moving out

He has since been living rough, my husband is disabled and needs my care for him, but I love my son and feel torn.

My son now tells me he’s selling his van to fund doing a walk as hid life is unbearable, and if it gets no better he will end his life, he often says this I get unbearably stressed by this.

Over the past 15 years I know I have tried my best to help my son in hindsight I enabled him thru total ignorance at times, but always in hope and love that things would change

I know addiction is an illness, I believe the breakdown of my married to his father the cause

But I am so very tired now.

 

[LiilleSunshine]

If its any consolation my son has been on drugs since he was around 13 and addicted to crack for the last 8 years. He’s stolen and sold everything I’ve ever owned even when I was suffering from cancer and in hospital and he has no possessions. He is 29 this week. He’s been going to meetings on and off for around a year now but he can’t/won’t stop the crack. He’s turned into a nasty evil bullying monster and He’s just walked through the door from the ‘gym’ high on crack yet again

He has ruined my life that I fought so hard to keep after the cancer and he blames me for it all

[Goodtime7]

Lillesunshine

Thank you I was beating myself up about my son having to leave my home.

likewise I am in recovery from bowel cancer, three major surgeries in two years, plus my husband becoming disabled during this time after having a serious stroke, these events were not of our choice.

Our Sons do have choices

Like you my hard earned life savings have been spent on him, Rehab, counselling, bailing him out of debt etc etc

But in all honesty he hasn’t changed, the lies the verbal abuse, the blame he heaps on me.
He has destroyed my sense of self worth, I know hand on heart I have tried my best.

He is all about him, no one else matters, so I am separating myself from him he’s  32 years old

Legally I owe him nothing, I’m not obliged to give him a home, food, gym membership etc etc the list goes on and on

Time for him to he helps himself, it’s emotionally tiring for me, I’m broken totally, for the sake of my husband and daughter and me I need to let go.

 

 

[LiilleSunshine]

Hi Goodtime

So my last message was on Wednesday. On Thursday he came hone and begged me to go to a meeting with him to start over yet again. Of course I went. There was much rejoicing and fist bumping and welcome backs. I just sat there thinking.. yeah right… whilst listening to all the success stories from the others. Anyway 2 hours later I’m in bed and can hear him banging around and of course I find him off his head as usual on ketamin. He didn’t leave the house so he must have had it the whole time

Next morning, Friday (his 29th birthday) he goes to get his hair cut, returns 4 hours later with another druggie mate, I go ballistic and dont see him again until 7am Saturday (yesterday) morning.  Saturday evening he’s on his knees begging forgiveness and just wants to die as per usual.

Next day, today (Sunday) around 3 he went to jetwash his car. Now 4 hours later he’s not back nor answering the phone.

I presume he’s sucking away on his crack pipe somewhere

I survived cancer to have to live like this. To be bullied every single day

[Annette54]

This is a long time since you posted.  Never, ever, ever doubt yourself and your need for safety.  Let your son go, quietly ask him to go and change the locks on back and front door.

Only HE can get himself sober and clean.   Nothing we do, nor say, helps when addiction takes over.  You deserve a much better and calm life.  At his age, you shouldn’t be worrying so STOP worrying and take care of you first each and every day.  It’s not selfish, it’s life-saving.

Perhaps read Melody Beattie’s book “Codependent no more.”

My younger brother never made it out of drug misuse.  He lived 30 miles from us and I saw him every 2-3 months.  I gave up expecting him to change when he was in his early 20s.  He took his life at 54.  Very sad.  There were some happy years, but mostly unhappy.  We CAN’T change them, it has to come from within.   Sending hugs…

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