[deedee]

My boyfriend has been addicted to coke for nearly 6 years. In this time I’ve learned many things especially how strong I am. I’ve paced the floor when he has disappeared in the middle of the night and I’m left thinking this will be the time he wont come home again. The times I’ve stayed up all night with him because its given him an anxiety attack. The times he has shouted abuse because I refused to give him money. The stealing and pawning of our things. The tears I’ve cried and theres been many. Cleared up when hes smashed something when he was angry. I forgave him getting high the day I buried my grandad. Theres been so many I could go on. The most important thing I’ve learnt is theres a difference between wanting to get clean and being ready to get clean. He definitely wants to quit but I’m not sure he is ready. He has not drank alcohol for 8 months which has made things more bearable although I have the fear that he could relapse with that at any time. The thing is my dad is now dying and I’m not sure I can deal with that and him. I love him but there are times I just want to end it with him and the guilt that he will end up on the streets if I do is what stops me.

[ab17]

Hi Deedee, I know how you feel. My boyfriend has been addicted for many years although I naively was not aware until about a year ago. I too feel like I’ve had to be so strong to the point where I don’t think I even let myself feel my own feelings anymore. The pain used to kill me when he disappeared I would be up all night trying to ring him and text him, now I just go to bed early to stop the pain. It’s getting to the stage where I wish I was with someone who looked out for me and had my back as much as I’ve had his. I also feel the same, if my boyfriend was not to live at my house he has nowhere to go so would end up at a friends taking cocaine even more I am sure. If you need someone to talk to I would be happy to listen. My boyfriend has said over and over again he will stop so I agree wanting to stop and being ready to stop are very very different, it’s positive he has stopped drinking if that’s something that goes hand in hand with taking cocaine. Sorry to hear about your dad, I hope he steps up and takes care of you and supports you like you need right now x

[hox-26]

My husband and myself were happily married for fourteen years till he decided to leave me due to the stress of an upcoming court case involving drugs.

He went to live with his nephew and cousin who deal. This made his occasional sniffing cocaine worse. He was on it every day. Not going to work and looking really ill right up until the court date. He is in prison now.

I couldn’t stop him from taking cocaine. It was his choice to ruin his life and mine.

I am his wife, was his supporter through anything and his soul mate. But I am not his mum and if he had ended up on the streets that would have been his choice not mine. He chose the cocaine over me and our happy life. He is a grown man not a child and there would have been no feeling of guilt if he had made himself homeless.

I may sound heartless but he has become a monster not my loving husband.

[peace77]

you really must put urself 1st & your child. My husband left 4 months ago using cocaine too but since he came outta prison he as lost the plot completely constantly accusing me until one day he beat me so bad I couldn’t even see !!!

U may feel life without will be worse but I assure you start loving urself & concentrate & child & work & you will realise life without him will be a lot better without all your stress.

I too wanted to help but he carnt even admit his wrong doings .

We had everything & a future I thought!! 3 kids 2 dogs a beautiful home mortgage & it’s all left me to me to sort out now cus I carnt afford mortgage on my own as I work part time. My husband was so loving suppporting now he also is a monster & he has put me off men for a loooonnngggg time.

[asdf]

I am in a really similar position. It is so hard. But it is not your responsibility to keep him alive/off the streets. If you don’t want to or can’t go on in this relationship, and that happens, it won’t be your fault. It will be his doing. It took me a long time to learnt that this is his responsibility but I still catch myself trying not to set him off or catch him out. Then I have to stop and tell myself that he will do what he wants to do no matter what I do so there’s no point in me getting stressed about it. It helps to a certain extent. I don’t cry and shout and get very stressed but I can’t sleep, hence writing this at 1:43am! I don’t know what the solution is but for now, work on putting responsibility back on him x

[frh92]

I’m also in the same position. Recently i have taken the step to spilt up with my partner. He is addicted to cocaine and has been doing it since he was 18, he is now turning 31. I have been with him for 10 years. He is also the father of my child.

We are currently living together pending the sale of our flat. My parents said that they would lend me money to try and buy him out and put my dad on the mortgage with me. But like he said to me “if i’m going down, your going down with me” and that’s fine. but what he doesn’t realise that for me and my son its only up from here.

He is still taking drugs around our son and to be honest it has only just got worse. he would come back from a night shift and sniff a line while the little one was eating breakfast. i would just have to get my son dressed and run out of the flat until i knew it was safe to go back in. He took my company car while he was up all night drinking and doing drugs (he must have got through 3 grams that night by himself) and drove it to pick up his sister that is also an addict as she was having a panic attack about people following her. When i found out in the morning that my car was gone i was beside myself, not only was this my car but who else was on the road that he could crash into or hurt? i now go to bed with my car keys and keep the spare at my parents house. He has previously been done for drink driving while i was pregnant and i stayed with him through that. But hes becoming more and more reckless and i know know what to do? He guilt tripping me because he says it because i’m leaving him. But i cant do this anymore and i spend most of my nights crying and not knowing whats going to happen in the future. I’m scared that he will OD or seriously hurt himself. Hes tried to get help but ends up thinking that hes better than anyone else at the meetings. What can i do to make this better until we sell the flat?

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