[melainalouise]

I have been with my husband for 4.5 years. 2.5 years/ 3 years ago he told me had a drug problem. I stuck with him and really tried to help him. At first he didnt want support as he thought he could do it on his own. But eventually after many relapses, he finally was open to support.

He went to Cocaine Anonymous meetings but found them to be too religious. We had counselling together and he has had counselling alone. But he keeps relapsing.

Stupidly he convinced me that it would all stop when we were married, but it hasn’t. He then convinced me that it would stop when he became a dad, so we started trying.

I’m now 29 weeks pregnant and he just continues to relapse. He referred himself to an addiction charity and has been doing work with them. In the time I have been pregnant he has relapse 4 or 5 times. I just don’t know what else to do.

His family are mildly supportive and just have chats with him when he does relapse. I’m the only one who has actually been there for him. His sister is giving me all sorts of grief as she doesn’t like the way I deal with it – I go back to my parents house.

I just don’t know what to do anymore.

[stephaniiie]

I would completely detach myself from him. If he is pleased with your help your probably enabling him

My husband smoked heroin, I found out this summer. We have three children.

He asked for help and I did help him. But in the process I forgot about my own well being and suffered.

My children suffered. My focal point was on my husband

I felt like I was on constant surveillance.

Couldn’t sleep, I was emotional exhausted

He continued to use and spent our income on the drug

So I decided to leave him.

Addiction destroys everything in its path and the best form of loving support is detachment

It’s been a week since he is gone

He know has to fight for his family back, they only thing that is seperating us is heroin

You must never let alone devalue your worth. You will become a shadow of yourself

Think of your unborn child and your future. You must be in good health to look after your child

It’s a very hard decision to separate but I solely did it to safe guard my children and possibly safe his life in the process

Be strong, don’t be afraid of others reactions. You cannot lead your life by following others values and norms

My advice to you would be to detach yourself while supporting him from afar, take time to heal and focus on your pregnancy

Good luck

[melainalouise]

Thank you!

[bt1978]

Hey Melaina

He should try a few different meetings until he finds one which he is comfortable in. The 12 step programme is spiritual, not religious and there is a difference though people get confused. My View is its good to be surrounded by people like you and get support and learn how they got out of it all and how they live.

12 step meetings don’t have the monopoly on recovery, despite what people may say, so the counselling and other work in addition to this are really good

[melainalouise]

He is all talk about getting the help, but isn’t fully engaging with it.

For example he took drugs yesterday afternoon and then had a session with his addiction counsellor and said nothing to her about it.

He never tries to reach out to anyone or use any of the tools that the addiction charity have offered before he does what he does.

Makes it harder I think, he has the support there but just won’t use it when he needs to!

[bt1978]

Oh dear.

That rally isn’t good, and actually pretty deluded. Doing drugs and going for counseling. I can’t judge, I have done the same so I can tell you now that’s someone that isn’t ready.

[melainalouise]

I know and I know what I need to do, it is just hard

[Author]

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