- This topic has 40 replies, 16 voices, and was last updated 7 years, 10 months ago by eavy.
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June 26, 2014 at 1:52 am #4258franticmumParticipant
Its 2:30 am and Im laid in bed struggling to sleep, cant switch my mind off tonight, not heard even a whisper from my son, I usually say … no news is good news …. but not in this case I feel in a no win situation, he chose drugs over family and we have all said we want no part in his world of lying stealing etc, but im finding it so so hard this is the longest he has been out of touch for over 8 years and that was when he hit rock bottom, on the streets with no money or a bed to sleep in, I just cant get my head around him going back to those times, why when he has had so much help, surely being a part of a loving family is a big enough reason to not go back, Im waffling on asking questions that have no answers but I need to try to get these horrid thoughts out of my head or I will go mad, at least on here no one judges or looks down at me simply for being a mum of an addict, I have always tried my best to be a good mum, I brought my boys up to know right from wrong and but sadly one of them chose the wrong path and now we are suffering the consequences, one thing I will say before ending, if anyone reading this post has just found out that a loved one is an addict please dont let your heart rule your head, trust your gut instinct its usually right, be strong and never enable them cos they will use and abuse your love whilst in the grip of addiction, be strong and say no, and you never know they just might listen.
I will pray for all the families suffering tonight and send big cyber hugs to two special ladies Fiona and Susie I hope you are both keeping strong take care hunnies
love Sue Xxxxxx
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June 26, 2014 at 3:43 pm #8499cant-take-no-moreParticipant
Hi Sue….never a truer word said hunny….Its so hard for all us loved ones, watching them makes such desperate decisions, that not only impact on their lives but ours too…I really hope you hear something soon…My son gets out next Friday…and I have written the most truthful letter ever..warts and all…I thought he would be mad,not ring, but ive just got off the phone from him, and he says everything I put was true…He isnt angry with me, just sad that he put us all through the misery..Im not sure what will happen once he is back to the real world, but at the moment he is still positive and says he will continue with the counselling, and go back to see if he can get antibuse….Im praying for all our children…there has to be a light at the end of our tunnel some time soon…..hugs to you Sue, and all the other parents who live this hell xxxx
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June 28, 2014 at 9:41 am #8504fifi65Participant
And a big hug, right back at you Sue!!! Them wee small hour’s and how you have described how you are feeling, were the worst time’s for me. That no win situation is the one, because we have said, “enough is enough” and think we’re taking control by asking them to leave our live’s until they have changed there way’s, and for a little while when they leave us a lone we get some peace. As time goes on, I know for me, that’s when the torture begin’s again..Once again for my own sanity I would have to go looking for him.. Very cruel this world of addiction.. Love and Hope is all we have xxxx
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June 28, 2014 at 3:39 pm #8506cant-take-no-moreParticipant
Hey Fi, how are you hunni and how is your son??? Sending love and hugs xx
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August 9, 2014 at 6:12 pm #8602lolipopParticipant
Blue … you obviously love your family very much and feel very hurt by the way things are at the moment. to me it sounds like your brother is aggressive to you because your the person who stands up to him and tells him about his drinking and he doesn’t like to hear it . My heart goes out to you it really does. unless someone has lived with an addict of any kind no one knows the stress and worry the sleepness nights the crying the pleading its easy for people to say throw him out disown him its not so easy in real life. My son is addicted to skunk and he still lives at home he is in denial and refuses any help , so believe me i know what the stress is like and its bloody hard to get up everyday and carry on. Sweetheart its time for you to try to look after yourself and put YOU first for once . I have tried hard to take my life back and with little baby steps i have managed. When i look back to christmas and compare my life now its a million times better its not perfect but its good. I smile i laugh i do things for me .and every day i try to find something positive.
I’m sorry im not more help to you i really have no answers .
Thinking of you and sending you a big hug xx-
December 12, 2014 at 2:53 pm #9051icarus-trustParticipant
Hi
I’m glad you have posted here as I know that what you are going through is hard, but there is help out there for you. The Icarus Trust is a charity which supports families and friends of addicts and will help you. We have experienced trained volunteers called ‘Family Friends’ who will listen and help you talk through how to go on, as well as what other help there is available.. This is a free service so I hope that you will contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org
Good luck with everything. -
January 3, 2015 at 2:38 pm #9095ruth95Participant
I have been in the same position, and hopefully things are getting better now. My boyfriend who I love unconditionally is a recovering crystal meth and GHB addict. It was possibly the hardest struggle of my life going through the substance abuse and withdrawal with him but he has now been clean for over 3 months and showing no signs of ever going back.
It’s tough because patience is so important I believe they need to see how much you love and support them especially through relapses ect because that’s when you will feel the closest to giving up.
I never forced my partner into anything I just said I would always support him in every way I can but its important that any decisions made to stop using is made by them.
Telling his family for me and my partner was a big step and in our case an important one but I always gently encouraged it. He needs all the support he can get from family, friends, support groups and rehabilitation centres. With only you knowing it can feel like you have far too much responsibility and its not an easy thing to do.
In the end my boyfriend got through it by abstinence recovery, meaning he doesn’t take any substance including alcohol or anything else, I also did the same even though I have never had a problem with addiction but its an important part of showing that substances aren’t needed to enjoy life in fact quite the opposite.
This is what worked for me, but I think most importantly you must remember that addiction is an illness, but unlike most illnesses people are shunned for having them rather than supported to get better
I wish you the best, hope it helps x-
December 20, 2016 at 5:01 pm #9732icarus-trustParticipant
Hi Sam,
What a horrible situation you are in. It must be so frustrating and worrying to be so far away, and hard to come to terms with.
If you would like to talk with someone please contact The Icarus Trust. We are a charity that supports people who are dealing with the impact of a loved one’s addiction. Talking to someone who understands how you are feeling may help you to find a way forward.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org
Good luck.
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August 10, 2014 at 12:28 am #8606bluexxxParticipant
Lolipop I’m eternally grateful for your reply thankyou so very much,
Your words are sincere and it meant the world to be heard.
After reading back to myself the words I had written my eyes filled up with dispair, I don’t speak out loud normally and I’m often ignored as my feelings are not normally classed as important.
I sat up all night and had so many horrible thoughts and it came to mind that I can’t save him from himself, I’ve spent the last few years being his goal post and I’m so tired. I must of felt so desperate to want to even consider taking my own life. I sort of understand something’s more clearly now after hitting rock bottom. I have always been a direct person my honesty can be somewhat brutal at times, and hard to swallow, but when things are to much and I’m carrying a heavy load the truth needs to be said firmly in hope that things will change and praying the penny will drop… But has I have tried more than I should I made myself poorly from the stress and fear. I have spent most of my young life in fear and it seems to others that I should continue you on with settling with it, I have found myself sinking and suffocating with burdens far more worse than anyone could of predicted. I have tried to make a bond that has been somewhat none existent but it works both ways and it’s totally exhausting when I’m the only one making the effort. Knowing there are others out there mothers who too have the same war as me, trying to save the ones we most certainly love more than anything. My son is 10 years old and my brother almost 21 years has never played or interacted with him since he started drinking at 16, my son has a keen interest I. Football and enjoys being around my family but when alcohol has lifted it’s ugly head.. My son becomes fearful and rebels in anger. I have taken control and removed him from my brothers life as he has no feeling what so ever and my son and I cannot and will not surround ourselves around my brother who is most defiantly a lability. My son asks me most days” why does my uncle hate me ” is this my fault mummy” why doesn’t he play with me and ask how I am” etc, I feel very sad that both of my brothers have no interest in my son and my parents have control over my life and dictate what is best for my son but they don’t do it with there own. I’m now 28 and there isn’t a day that goes by that I wish that things could go back to the way they were.. But it’s been that long I can’t recall when things were normal and our family were close and happy. His addicted to Alcohol has destroyed us all, and my middle brother who is 25 has a eating disorder and manic depression and 3 mental illness is one also has no interest in my son. I’ve always thought there must be something wrong with us, to not be loved back but after all this time I think or I know there must be something wrong with them. It’s hard being everyone’s punchbag and target and I know I can cope and have put up with more than some haven’t but inside a piece of me dies every time a argument has broke out or a fight as erupted. It’s the fear factor taking to the extreme and I’m the only one with a level head and the maturity to know that what is happining isn’t normal and to except this sort of behaviour would make me abnormal. I haven’t slept for 3 nights I have lucid dreams that seem so real. One incident occurred a few days ago that really frightened me, he said during a argument that he was going to kill me, so one night my mother told me to go into his room to see If there were any cups to take down as I entered the room it was completely pitch black I tried the light switch and nothing happened, I assumed he was out. I put my phone light on to search for cups to put in the dishwasher and I heard a tapping sound, I looked around and saw nothing, as I picked up the last cup I could see something moving across the room I spoke out loud and asked if it was him him and the door closed on me, I felt very afraid I fell over empty bottles and cans and large glass bottles and smelled a awful stench from the corner of the room as I put my torch on from my phone I saw him sat in the corner of his room with eyes dark he almost had a evil stare, he said ” I’m coming to kill you tonight” I got up and ran out the door unable to breath frightened and panicky. My mother was angry that I smashed one of her cups and my brother said to never go back up into his room again I thought no way never again. I spoke to my parents about what had happened whilst I went to collect the cups. They told me not to overly panic and to take it like a lunch of salt. That night my brother drank 24 cans of Stella and half a bottle of jack Daniels, I went to ned quite early with a migrane, in my room I spent time pondering over thoughts in my head worrying a lil irately
about about if and what he had said that day about wanting me dead Was a joke or not I left the hallway light on fell asleep after taking a sleep tablet from my doctor I awoke from a nightmare of my brother standing over me as I slept and as I looked up he was there smelling of booze and vomit, it was the most scary experience ive ever known, he looked down at me with a unuasl but disturbing way and mumbled a few words and then walked out my room after that night I sleep with all my lights on. I told my parents and they told me not to panic he probably didn’t mean to scare me, they didn’t take into consideration of my feelings and just took it as a joke. That sort of knocked the nail on the head for me. I cannot continue living in fear anymore and my voice was being ignored when I know in my heart that me feelings are important as much as anyone else’s. I know I haveto start thinking about myself as I have been so used to putting others first. Being totally selfless and giving has left me lonely and broke. I feel like a human stress ball as long as I do what it says on the box everyone’s happy but to me life has been squeezed out of me and I have nothing left to give. So yes it’s time I start looking after myself and to stop living as if I’m everyone’s shadow. I’m too bright to be kept in the dark. I’m sorry your going through as much as hell as I am, it’s not a nice place to be in but I’m so glad things have got better for you and it’s safe to say there is a light at the end of the tunnel xx
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June 30, 2014 at 9:44 pm #8512fifi65Participant
Hi Susie, all good thank’s hun..Been to see my lad today, he look’s great.. why doe’s it take for them to have to go to prison to look well : ( Your boy will be home soon, I truly hope he stay’s clean, for his sake and your’s.. everything crossed for you xx He has not been sentenced yet, but shouldn’t be to long now, whatever it maybe, I have to look at it as It has saved his life.. I think I can cope with it better that way..Took my 85yr old mam with me, he gave his lovely nana lot’s of kisses and hug’s and she gave him a good old ear bashing lol.. take care hun, xxx
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June 30, 2014 at 9:51 pm #8516fifi65Participant
Hi Sue, How are you? hope your coping.. Any word from your son? stay strong lovely lady sending big hug’s xxx
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September 3, 2014 at 7:18 pm #8745cant-take-no-moreParticipant
So chuffed…he got the job…and did it all on his own….so happy for him….
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September 4, 2014 at 5:04 pm #8746icarus_trustParticipant
Amazing!!! 🙂
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July 2, 2014 at 9:27 pm #8530cant-take-no-moreParticipant
Hey fifi, as hard and sad as it sounds I’m so glad that prison has bought your beloved son back to you…had a bad day today….worrying about what is in store when he gets out…I know it’s down to him, and for the time being he is really positive, but as you know, that can change anytime….I just want to say stay strong, you ladies have been my life line…in the small hours when I wake in sheer panic, I know that you ladies have given me my sanity back…..I hope you hear from your son soon Sue, and fi I hope your son continues getting well, and gets some help inside….luv n hugs to you both and all the other wonderful parents, brothers, sisters on here who continue to show love, empathy, and support xxxx
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September 25, 2014 at 9:01 pm #8816lolipopParticipant
Hi Gill … My heart goes out to you it must be extremely difficult for you living like this. My son lives at home and smokes a lot of weed and has done for s couple of years . He to can get verbally aggressive and although has never hit any of us he smashes things round the house. I wish I could offer you advice that would help but I can’t I only know that my life got better when I contacted a family support worker and started to put boundaries in place and I stick to them . Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t but I keep trying . You must feel very frightened and alone . Please don’t blame yourself or suffer in silence speak to someone and get support for you and the rest of your family . Sending you big hugs strength and courage xxx
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June 17, 2015 at 8:56 pm #9349cant-take-no-moreParticipant
Jade please get some support…is there any relatives you can talk to? Grandparents? If not try a local support group, it really does help….I’m so sorry you have to deal with this and cannot imagine how you cope…..sending hugs and love xxx
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June 22, 2015 at 2:13 pm #9358icarus-trustParticipant
Jade please get in touch with The Icarus Trust. We are a charity that supports the families of addicts because we know how hard it is to deal with this on your own. We could put you in touch with one of our ‘family Friends’ who would understand and help you. This is a free service.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org
I really do hope that you get the help that you need.
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September 25, 2014 at 9:12 pm #8817gillParticipant
Hi lolipop, thank you for your reply. Could yoy please tell me how you got a support worker as i dont know where to get one from or where to get any support or advice from. Thanks, x
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June 8, 2015 at 6:59 am #9335floParticipant
Mrsp, you poor thing, it’s just so hard. I find reading about the drug in question gives you something to arm yourself with. I believe Crack cocaine actually permanently changes your brain chemistry and the way that serotonin (the happy chemical) is produced or utilised. This means that someone who has been on crack can not feel happiness “naturally” for the rest of their lives and often end up needing antidepressants to be able to cope. Research has probably moved on a lot since I was reading about it. My family member managed to kick the habit with the help of counselling several years ago but she was driven to succeed as she found out she was pregnant, the child is in primary school now and is on Ritalin for ADHD, something that seems to be linked to the exposure to crack cocaine whilst in the womb. The ex-user is a wonderful person and fantastic mother but she has to live with the fact that her child has suffered due to her habit. Your partner needs to make the decision to stop on his own and must know there are consequences to the choices he makes. Tell him his drug addiction is making him miserable and remember you have a choice in this, you do not have to spend your life worrying about him. Crack is a psychological addiction like nicotine, it is as, if not more addictive than heroine but has no physical withdrawal symptoms so he won’t need any medication to actually come off it, just incredible will power. I hope things improve for you and remember to put yourself first, you are no good to anyone if you let this break you x
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June 22, 2015 at 2:19 pm #9359icarus-trustParticipant
Hi. I’m so sorry that you are going through such a tough time. If you would like to talk through what you are having to deal with please contact The Icarus Trust. We are a charity that supports friends and families of addicts. we offer a free service called ‘family Friends’. These are experienced trained volunteers that you could talk through your situation with and they would understand where you are coming from. It often helps to share with someone who will understand and may help you to make sense of what you are having to face.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org
I hope that you can find some support for yourself. Good luck! -
January 15, 2017 at 4:21 pm #9745eavyParticipant
I to have a 39 year old son whom has been addicted to crack for the past 20 years.I completly agree with Flo”above”.6 monthes ago,my son “following yet another 3 day binge”had a masive heart attack.The paramedics worked on him for 30 min,befor they were able to take him to a special cardio arrest unit.The main artery to his heart was blocked with a blood clot.He had a stenf fitted,so the blood could continue to flow.This is my 2nd comment on hear.My first coment,was a detailed discription of the hellish place a mother endures,of a sons crack addiction.My son came out of hospitail,and was heavily using again within 2 weeks.There is only one thing in the world,that makes my son feel normal,and give him any motivation to live,work,and to cope with this life,and that is to smoke his crack.I know that,or i strongly believe that to be true.Our sons are very ill.But no matter how much you love them,you must not keep catching them when they fall.
Not put a safety net in there way,so as to make there fall a lilttle softer.It takes courage,to let your beloved son,to fall and reach the bottom.It may take many years.And sometimes,they reach the bottom,only to fall yet again.You will always be there waiting,but never give them a thing to enable them to use.Money is my sons worse enemy,but stil he works to fund his addiction.So after 20 year,s,i am still waiting for the rock bottom.My heart is not broken,but as yours,in a thousand pieces.I hope i have given a little hope and comfort to the hell we are in right now.
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September 25, 2014 at 9:21 pm #8818lolipopParticipant
I contacted my doctors and they gave me the number of the U.K. National drug helpline but you can google it they should be able to point you in the right direction. Please ring them ( I just googled it and it says they have a 24 hr helpline but not sure how upto date that info is ) xx
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June 17, 2015 at 8:33 pm #9347cant-take-no-moreParticipant
I use to feel such guilt, but not any more. I raised my son to know right from wrong, always championed him in everything he did as a boy, showered him with love and felt such pride. That changed when he started taking drugs. I enabled him due to the guilt, because I thought it was obviously something I had done. Raised him wrong, done something? Well how wrong I was….it took me a while to realise…after putting up with lying, stealing, verbal abuse, anger outbursts….then I got tough….your son is 32, and can take care of himself…give him that responsibility…and stick to your guns. The penny will drop eventually….tough love is the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but, something I knew was right. I now have a better relationship with him and he knows the boundaries…good luck and if you can get support for you! Hugs xxx
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June 23, 2015 at 7:31 pm #9360icarus-trustParticipant
Hi Marigold,
Cant Take No More has given you such good advice and she really knows what you are going through.
If you would like some support for yourself The Icarus Trust is a charity that supports family and friends of addicts. We offer a free service called ‘family Friends’ who are experienced trained volunteers who you could be put in touch with and may help you to deal with the guilt that you are feeling. I know you said you have tried counselling but if you would like to talk with people who do understand what you are dealing with please get in touch.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org
Good luck!
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September 25, 2014 at 9:27 pm #8819gillParticipant
I will definitely contact them, thank you so very much for your help and support, it means alot, x
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June 15, 2015 at 9:51 pm #9340lolipopParticipant
Hi Amber .. My son smokes a lot of skunk he is a bit younger than your lad and he still lives at home . In my heart I know I should ask him to leave but I just don’t have the strength or courage . Weed has taken my son from me and left a shadow in his place .y heart aches with sadness for him . Nothing I say or do will change him I have learnt to accept it .. It still hurts though . Just wanted you to know someone understands what your going through ( the lies the rambling conversations mood swings unreasonable demands etc ) my thoughts are with you and everyone who has to live with the destruction drugs cause
Love Lolipop xx -
June 17, 2015 at 8:50 pm #9348cant-take-no-moreParticipant
The hardest thing a parent can do is ask their child to leave…however, the impact he had on the rest of the fsmily was detrimental in the worst way. We set our AS up with a flat, helped him, and he caused nothing but bother…blamed us, constsntly demanding money….I educated myself, sought help then kicked him out. I didn’t speak to him other than to tell him, he could be in our lives when he decided to change. No bullshit! That was over a year ago, and it’s been hard , and we still get the phone calls, but for other reasons. He is trying to recover, and finds it extremely hard. Life is hard for addicts trying to get clean…but the light at the end of the tunnel is glimmering. I’m sure there will be more times when he finds it hard, but for now he’s trying…he has a job, sees his son , which is a godsend…..drug addicts don’t want to be addicts….that’s the saddest part. Hugs and prayers to you both xxx
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June 23, 2015 at 7:36 pm #9361icarus-trustParticipant
Hi Amber
If you would like some support for yourself you might want to contact The Icarus Trust. We are a charity that helps the families and friends of addicts. We have trained volunteers who you could speak with as it often helps to talk through things with people who understand what you are going through.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org
Good luck!
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September 26, 2014 at 3:29 pm #8822icarus_trustParticipant
Hi Gill, and Lolipop,
The Icarus Trust provides people to speak to, who may be able to help you. It’s a free service too, and then they can signpost you to more specific if and when it’s needed. You can contact them via their email address of info@icarustrust.org of their website http://www.icarustrust.co.uk.
Good luck!
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September 26, 2014 at 5:44 pm #8826gillParticipant
Hi Icarus trust, i will give that a try, thanks for the reply.
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September 29, 2014 at 10:33 pm #8836gillParticipant
I thought things couldnt get any worse until today, my son as only conned £20 off my 71 year old mum who is in real nad health and i have had to sit and liatrn to her crying. My dad passed away so i only have my mum and he as done this to her, please somebody help me. I contacted Icarus Trust and got no where and tried drug line and got no where so please somebody tell me what i do now or where can i turn to. Its bad enough that my son is takung drugs but he also as health issues, he as a really bad heart and as had heart surgery. Im terrified that he will be dead soon if we dont get any help
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July 23, 2015 at 10:53 am #9384shazb1971Participant
yep drugs are horri ble i feel for you and your family i have lost my son to weed people look at me and go it is only weed but when they do it excessively for long periods and it starts to affect their behaviour family and life that is when you realise it is a problem and by then it is too late take care of yourself and your family your dad is an adult i know it is hard and you worry but you have to look after yourself as it does impact on you too Sharon x
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October 4, 2014 at 1:51 pm #8841cant-take-no-moreParticipant
Hi Gill, I’m sorry you feel so alone…..I too felt like that, until I spoke to a friend who is a police officer….believe it or not, he arrested my son prior, but doesn’t judge..he gave me some useful local numbers which I rang…one was a support group for parents: partners etc….it was a godsend…..I learned so much about my behaviour and how it impacted on my son making things far worse, when all I wanted to do was help him…also coming on here I have learned, cried at others stories, but it has made me stronger and I feel able to cope better. My son has had 2 relapses in just over 10 weeks….he really wants to get well, but the addiction sometimes takes over…it’s almost like a reaction for him, …if something goes wrong! He now has to build on different strategies to dealing with stress etc…..the biggest thing is, he had to want to do it..no amount of tslking, help from others will change his mind…he has to want to change…when that time came for us, we rallied round, still do, supporting him…it’s bloody hard, and everyday is a battle….he started a new job 5 weeks ago, his supervisor is an ex addict, so understands, and has taken him under his wing….he works hard, does loads of overtime which occupies his mind….but it’s not over by a long shot…..his addiction lives with him daily and always will…..try and find some support for you Hunni xxxxx
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July 23, 2015 at 9:15 am #9382shazb1971Participant
she will find out eventually as by the sounds of it it is spiralling out of control and it is hard but he is an adult and it is his choice but it is hard being family and being helpless as to what to do as there isn’t a lot you can do its a shame other than get it off your chest on here ad support him but not financially there isn’t a lot you can do sharonx
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October 4, 2014 at 2:02 pm #8842gillParticipant
Hi, cant take no more, thanks for your reply. I have managed to source a support unit called Gasoed to which i will attend my first appointment with them on Tuesady. Im hoping they will help me to deal with it and hopefully then i can try get my son to see that he does have an addiction as he doesnt see or realise that he as an addiction. So fingers crossed i will get the help. Im so pleased to hear that your son is doing so well, i hope this is now the turning point for both you and your son, take care, x
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July 31, 2015 at 3:34 pm #9388hopeless78Participant
I know what you mean it’s always our fault and the hurtful things they say just keep coming. Although they say it they never mean it its just a way of dealing with their own anger. It’s doesn’t help much to know that as it still hurts but i’m sure he still loves you. We have been trying to get help for years but the doc’s etc will only look at the drinking as the problem and not the depression that came first. Don’t give up hope, our hope is all they have.
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October 6, 2014 at 7:13 pm #8847cant-take-no-moreParticipant
Oh Hunni, I’m glad you have found an opening to speak to someone…..you need to take care of you, that’s the first thing, as for your son, wanting to change has to come from him, and that’s the hard part..it’s a waiting game…..for over 4 years I’ve known about my sons addiction , made excuses…..not any more….I’m happy to support him all the way whilst he tries to overcome his addiction…it’s long haul, but I’m not naive to think it will be all,plain sailing…..
Hugs to you Hun, and good luck to you..I really hope in time your son will ask for your help xxx-
August 1, 2015 at 8:08 am #9389shellzParticipant
I have just read your story the similarities in some of the things you voiced were uncanny maybe that’s why tears stream down my face, noone wants this life, we didn’t choose this. Stuck not wanting to believe this is it this is our lives not wanting to give up we took vows that should mean something they did to us. The people we are married to are shells not the men we fell in love with. I still believe its my fault but that’s what they do its so clever no self worth no self esteem and believing we are the ones to blame. I love my husband have friends and family calling me a fool telling me if I’m stupid enough to put up with this life I deserve it. Can’t they see I have children who I want to grow up with both parents. But is it fair on them?? His lack of interest in anything they do never watching their tricks on bikes or scooters either drunk or asleep. I feel your pain and believe alcohol is just as dangerous and addictive as any other drug. I had no idea so many other people were also living this life. Xx
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August 21, 2015 at 7:32 am #9406when-will-it-get-betterParticipant
I am in the same situation my husband is an alcoholic he was ment to be doing a home detox a couple of months ago but the Drs were worried that because of the amount he drinks that it wouldn’t be safe as the risk of fits etc would be to high. So he is waiting to go into residential rehab as I sit here the 1st of September seems so far away and for my husband who says that he desperately wants to be free of alcohol as the time to go gets closer the more scared he is getting. His tipple is vodka but for a while he stopped drinking this and was drinking strong cider but as rehab is getting closer he is back on the vodka and as I write this he is drunk and has called in sick. At the moment he disgusts me and if at the last minute he chickens out of rehab my marriage will be over because I am sick and tired of the ups and downs of living with him the reason I haven’t kicked him out is that I know he would drink himself to death and I don’t want that on my conscience but rehab is his last chance why should me and my children have to watch the person we love slowly killl themselves I am fed up with having to look after him all the time he used to be so loving and strong but as the days go by I lose more and more respect for him. I want to go back to work but at the moment I have no energy to. So for now I sit and wait for the 1st and hope that it will be the start of getting my husband back and my children their father before its to late xx
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October 6, 2014 at 7:34 pm #8848gillParticipant
Thanks cant take no more. I will let you know how i get on. Hearing and realising that others are going through it makes me feel better as i have somebody to talk to that i know who can understand what im going through and it really does help me, thanks everybody, xx
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August 6, 2015 at 4:11 pm #9393kerryParticipant
Heya 🙂 .. im 24 and my mum is an alcoholic too. I know how your feeling and the feelings you are likely to have.
You have to remember (something I have not yet accepted) that YOU WILL NOT change your mum and SHE has to acknowlage the problem and WANT to fix it. I know your not saying you want to fix it but just always remember that.
Onto your question, if you believe you are in danger then you can call social services and they will help you. They will try to help your family too, if that fails you may be put into foster care but i know that they are reluctant to separate families unless its absolutly essential. Its worth looking into. You cant let their failings affect you. x
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