[nova1985]

I’ve put a few posts on here about my story with my husband, in short his been a heavy alcoholic for two years, and has two fits and hospital stays, he found his dad dead a month ago and uses that to drink more, hasn’t gone to work in early two months, he has always been nasty when drunk, I tried the gentle approach and got pushed away tried tough love to get told I am self centred, a gold digger, ugly a shit mum/wife, tells me he is sleeping with x amount of people and I’ve got no change of ever finding someone new if a leave, and now a new low he is sleeping with my sister. We have two young children the older one (4) is picking up on everything and I don’t want her childhood damaged. I have left once for a week but that’s when he found his dad so I returned to support him and all I am getting is nasty comments. He has been told next time he lands himself in hospital he is off to rehab, don’t know how rehab works ( I live in England ) do we have to pay or is it nhs. I am done, we will loose everything soon due to lack of money and still have his dads funeral to organise.

[nova1985]

*saying he is sleeping, sorry didn’t prove read. Btw my sister is not like that at all. He just wants to hurt me as much as possible.

[downtrodden1]

Hi Nova,

I came across your post and can resonate so much. I could have written this post myself 20 years ago.

Detox is available on the Nhs but your husband would have to consent to receiving treatment. In my experience that is the easy part, the hardest bit for me was raising my hopes that things may change for the better only to have them dashed a few weeks later by relapse.

Everyone is different and their are many success stories where people have overcome their battle. I hope that is the case for your husband and family.

That isn’t the case for my situation, I found over the years the situation slowly deteriorated, the drinking and the abuse escalated.

I stayed because I know if I’d have left he would have drank himself to death and I couldn’t carry that guilt. Looking back that was the wrong decision, the addiction and associated abuse was not mine to carry. Yet I still remain.

If you decide to stay, the best advice I can offer you is to save what little you can and give yourself a secret emergency fund to get out if and when you decide to leave. Do not allow him to financially trap you.

I wish you and your children well.

[nova1985]

Thank you for responding, am sorry that you are going through this is not fair. My husband is in a program now and getting professional help, thankfully he has his wake up call. The rum has gone it’s been a week now, and die to 6 small bottles of beer in a 24 hr period. He is much better in himself and nicer.

[Author]

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