[smithy]

So last Friday I found out that my husband has been lying and deceiving me for the past few months about his cocaine habit. He also smokes weed daily every evening and has done ever since we’ve been together so that’s not a surprise. It was something I knew that very occasionally, I’m talking a few times in a year that her would do but not anymore than that. I suspected a while ago as he was always trying to make me do it with him which I have a couple of times, on a holiday or new years eve and getting really pressurising so making me feel that I was the reason why he was doing it and it made us more fun. I tried speaking to him on quite a few occasions but he managed to convince me that it was only a little and he wouldn’t do it next weekend and so on. I now know that he’s been spending lots of money on it, been using at times through the week and every weekend. He has been organising to collect it and hiding it and pretending he’s off on a bike ride or popping to the shops and then using when he gets home. He even picked it up with his daughter in the car but she didn’t realise I don’t think. I have felt terrible this weekend as he has made me think it was me and I was losing him. He would sleep all day after as he wouldn’t sleep and often slept downstairs and I’ve been pretty much broke whilst he’s been spending his money on this. I found him high again this Friday evening and got upset and he has promised to get some help. I went through his phone and realised its been going on for months and feel really hurt, angry, sad. So many emotions and not knowing who to talk to as I’m also embarrassed, by myself and definitely him. I have cried but been unable to get angry at him as I feel partly responsible but I hate that he’s done this. I hate the level of deceit that has gone on and the manipulation of me. He has deleted the numbers and says it’s going to be hard but he is going to not contact them. I don’t trust him and now I feel like I’m waiting for him to slip up and as this week goes on I’m aware that he will want to use and doesn’t have anything, or so he says as he gave it to me to throw away. He has said he is deeply ashamed and knows that he has risked everything. I have said I will support him but I’m worried that I won’t know if he’s lying and doing it anyway. He has an addictive personality as he won’t give up the weed which I have wanted him to since we met. He has caused so many issues with that and his ex wife but has never given it up so I’m not holding out much hope on this being different. I hate this so much and I feel so confused as to what to do.

[dot]

I cant really comment as I’ve only just stopped it myself but my advice is to get tough now. Dont let him sweet talk you. It reminds me of me and what I was doing then it went secretive. Hope you can no it in the bud now before it’s too late.

[smithy]

Thanks, it’s been a massive roller coaster ride of emotions and I really hope he means it. All of the things I’ve read says that I mustn’t be his enabler and he has to want to change not me want him to change as its not enough. I’m hoping he can do this or it will destroy us as he was becoming a different person.

[dot]

Yeah I hope he does or he will be where I am with nothing…. to be honest it goes both ways if people wanna fix it they do lol. Butbyeah dont enable his behaviour

[smithy]

Thanks Dazo, I hope you continue your journey and don’t give into it. It sounds like you’ve lost enough

[juliemcevoy50]

On the surface cannabis looks to some like an acceptable leisure drug. Most users will try and convince anyone that it is less harmful than this or that. When it enters your world from a partner, son or daughter it’s a whole different ball game. The effects of this drug are devastating in my experience. It leads to demotivated lazy self centred individuals who mostly lie. The anger and mental health issues it causes is unprecedented. Be strong and be resolute in your own head this is a dangerous path

[smithy]

I have seen a little of this with the lying, lazyness and personality changes and now when I look over the past few months I realise more and more. I have just read your post and can see how awful it has been for you and your family and how hard you have tried for so long. I don’t want to get to that stage although I know that he has never given up smoking weed no matter how many times I asked and now the cocaine addition as much as he hasn’t used it everyday has been a slippery slope to a man that I never thought would lie to me and behave the way he has and now I’m just not sure. I was once in a emotionally abusive relationship with my previous marriage for 10 years and when I finally had the strength and said the words that I wanted a divorce I never looked back. I stayed for my children for too long.

I’m our house at the moment I have a vulnerable teenager who tried to take her life last year and doesn’t want to have anything to do with her dad, my husband now is her father figure but they don’t hit it off and now I realise that his personality has changed where he finds her irritating and doesn’t do anything with her was because he has been struggling with either dope overs or not being high from coke. Last night I told him that I can offer support but he has to do this, it has to come from him. And if not then the embarrassment and shame that he feels now will be nothing compared with when everyone else finds out such as his kids and mine etc. I am resolved in the fact that I might have to make that decision as there is a good chance that this will crop its ugly, destroying head again. I hope this forum helps you a tiny bit as your life sounds unbelievably difficult.

[kklost]

Friday was an unlucky day! I found out too.

I really know how you feel. It’s all the trust and worry that is doing my head in.

Will it get easier?

I really feel for you. I honestly do. No answers as I’m in same shit boat with you

[smithy]

I read your post when I first joined here and really felt for you. I hate the way it’s changed things. Trust is a massive thing for me and that has been destroyed. I love my husband and want him to find some help but it can’t just be me wanting it. In my head I am leaving him to make some positive changes and if he doesn’t then that tells me masses and I will have a hard time asking him not to go as I can’t risk our lives. I am here to support but not enable but its a lonely road for all I think. Keep writing on here as hopefully we can help each other x

[Author]

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