[time86]

Hi iv never done anything like this before but I’m sat here feeling really alone and lost I just don’t know what to do?

My husband has always drank cans and I never really thought of it as a problem but it started getting more and more and are kids even started making comments he’s only happy when he’s drinking so I told him he needed to cut down maybe just have a drink at the weekend and I thought everything was going ok until about a year ago during lock down I went to get something from his work van and noticed some empty cans I then started looking around and found empty spirt bottles hidden all over the place it then made me start checking around the house and sure enough I found spirt bottles hidden on top of kitchen cupboards and behind kick boards etc. I told him I won’t stand for it we’ve had many arguments about it and iv told him he’s going to loose everything as he drinks at work so he’s going to his job house family the lot!

I bought a breathalyser about 6 months ago as he thought it would help because he new then he couldn’t hide it from me but honestly he blows positive and it changes nothing we have a row or don’t speak. Now it just feels like the norm! We have 4 kids and I know they must pick up on it no matter how much I plaster on my smile and play pretend happy families! I just don’t know what to do anymore! He doesn’t have any money or bank cards etc so that he can’t buy it at work which was his idea but he still manages to get it, I know he’s stole a bottle before and last week his boss bought him a pint after work and he took money he found in my car. This week apparently a customer gave him a tip and he bought 4 cans he drank 2 Monday and 2 Tuesday. Then he came home yesterday and failed again! I really don’t know what to do I’m not happy I have no one to talk to about it I don’t know if I should kick him out and just try doing it alone with my kids but I’m scared of letting them down and ruining there life’s as my son has medical problems and is going through some things at the moment anyways with school and dealing with being different. Plus my husband knows I’m struggling with my sons problems and I just feel like he doesn’t care he just drinks knowing it’s adding to my stress! Plus he keeps saying if I kick him out and leave him he knows he will hit self destruct and end up drinking himself stupid and probably other stuff.

I’m sorry for the long rambling post but I just need to let it out I feel like I’m talking to myself in my head all the time I just wanna scream. I want my husband back so bad but I just feel like he’s gone and I live with the selfish stranger that only cares about himself!

[nozmo]

I can identify with how you’re feeling as I’m having a similar problem with my brother. It just feels like he’s being completely selfish and dragging me down with him, although I know addiction is more complicated than that. It’s absolutely heartbreaking and it’s taking over my life at the minute. I’m the only family he has left and the burden of responsibility on me is hard to cope with.

I think you’re doing the right thing by getting it out there. You have made a start and hopefully things will kick on from here. I’ve received some good advice from Drinkline and the over 50s alcohol helpline (I’m not suggesting you’re over 50, it’s just the one I tried because I’m 55!). Both their numbers are on this website if you want to try giving them a ring? If nothing else it helps to vent your feelings to another person who listens, understands, and is completely impartial. They also have some local numbers that might be able to help.

I’m off to see how my brother is doing in a minute. Hopefully he won’t be lying on the floor in a stupor as he has been for the last two days.

[icarus-trust]

Hi,

I’m glad that you were able to post on the forum and let out how you are feeling. I’m so sorry that you are feeling so alone dealing with your husband’s drinking. Maybe you would like some support for yourself. If so please contact us at Icarus Trust. We are a charity that offers support to people who are having to deal with addiction in the family because we know that it can be really tough. We have trained and experienced people called Family Friends who you could talk to if you get in touch. maybe talking with one of them would help you to answer some of your questions and find a way forward.

You can contact Icarus Trust on help@icarustrust.org or visit our website http://www.icarustrst.org

All the best to you.

[elaine1966]

I know exactly how you are feeling, I myself have reached out for help due to my husband’s heavy drinking and the effect it is having on me. Similar to your husband mine also agreed to only drink in moderation on a Saturday. This lasted give the occasional lapse where he would binge for a few days then feel sorry for his actions and promise not to do it again. But he always does. Now he has gone to drinking in secret when I have left the house for a couple of hours. Trouble is I always know when he has been drinking because his whole attitude changes. He doesn’t make a pretty, happy drunk. But when her had a drink he does not care about anything or anyone. It’s a repeated pattern that I am at my wits end with. He will cause arguments or the worst atmosphere to incite an argument just to justify having his next drink. We are on the verge of separating at the moment and although it probably is the best thing because it has become a toxic situation, but at one time I felt that I was more important to him than his next drink, but not anymore. I see no other way than to split or to put up and shut up because he does not seem to want to try anymore. It does hurt, because I thought I could be the one to save him, and feel a bit of a failure because now I’m realising that I can’t. Feeling so low, desperate and angry. Feel he is so selfish. He is never there for me, not really

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