[jodie2501]

Hello everyone,

This is the first time I’ve reached out for support.

I had been with the father of my kids for 12 years. I’m 32 he’s 34.

He’s always been a binge drinker, we both were when we got together, the usual drink out up town on the weekends.

Anyways, 7 years into our relationship I noticed a change in his behaviour. His skin was looking pretty blotchy, he would sweat alot! His nose was scabbing. On a normal day he is pretty laid back, actually pretty moody to be fair. On the odd days he was super chatty! And his eyes looked darker and wider. The day after those days would be awful! He was cocky and arrogant I couldn’t stand him! I looked up cocaine asked him if he had been taking it. He denied it of course. For a year I suspected and would bring it up often, still he denied it.

On his 30th birthday he had friends round for pre drinks before he went out. I disappeared to my mom’s with the kids to stay the night so they could all go back for after drinks.

My daughter wouldn’t settle, I called him around 10 to say I was on my way home so our daughter could have her own bed and that he wouldn’t be able to come back with friends.

He told me to carry on up to bed and he would sort all the mess in the house like bottles etc. I thought nothing of it. I put my daughter down, she was 3 at the time. I went into the kitchen and there was cocaine! I could see where it had been scrapped and lined up!

I was fuming. I went into the living room to my daughter holding a small straw, a straw that had obviously dropped off the fireplace where of course there was more cocaine!! I broke down.

Next day he denied it, told me it must of been his friends. He blamed them all.

Stupidly I stayed with him! His friends were never to come in the house again.

Few weeks later I had had enough, ordered some tests and dipped it in his wee in the toilet. It came back positive. I read mixed things about testing from a toilet so I asked him to do a test. Positive. He finally admitted everything. I left for 3 months.

He turned his life around, went mad on fitness ran 10k 3 times a week he was looking his best I was so proud of him. We went hiking climbed mountains it was like a new life for us all.

Then lockdown happened and he’s back on it but again he’s in denial. I know 100% when he’s on it.

He’s drank alot more too. I’ve left, for good.

Unfortunately I was never put on the mortgage or house and he refuses to leave so me and my kids are currently staying in my mom’s spare room in a bunk bed. I feel hurt that he could put us through this again and leave us this way. His answer is I pushed him to it.

I knew he was depressed during lockdown when I went back to work so I tried to get him running again, told him to go out to a mates house etc instead he turned to that.

He’s since admitted he’s taking it again but insists he’s not addicted and can take or leave it which hurts more!

Everyone I’m surrounded by does it so no one understands me only my mom dad and sister. Friends have told me to let him have a blow out now and then and that it won’t hurt. I’m so lost, the kids don’t want to see him. Which is making him worse but I can’t force them to see him and to be honest I don’t trust him to have them while he’s on that and drinking. I’ve since lost my job as I can’t afford childcare and he can’t look after them.

I care about him and hate to see him destroy himself this way but I know I need to go. He knows I’ve had bad experiences with drugs, my uncle had a heart attack Infront of me when I was 8 and died, he was heavy on cocaine. I had a few friends round for drinks at my house and they invited some lads who fed cocaine to my dog without me knowing. He died.

I hate the stuff! Now it’s tore my family apart.

Sorry it’s so long winded ????????‍♀️

[amber04]

Hi Jodie, How are things now? I’m new to this forum. Unfortunately been going through shit for years with my partner

[cathsp]

Hi Jodie I was really struck by your post. What an upsetting and seriously unpleasant situation. Lockdown has turned most people lives upside down.

I know it’s a bit cliche but it sounds like you need to take one thing at a time.

Housing well he has the ball at his feet there! Sorry to say!

Cocaine, partner, money well where to start. No easy answers!

Give yourself sometime to think things through. Is your relationship is truly over. Could you put some limits on his cocaine usage? Would he follow them at least during contact with the kids.

It will take time to get your life back on track. Don’t give up.

I hope this post helps just know we are listening

[icarus-trust]

Hi Jodie,

Really sad to read your post and hear about the horrible affect other people’s cocaine habits have had on you. I’m sorry that you don’t feel you have people around you who would understand what you are going through. I can imagine that must be very hard.

Please contact us at The Icarus Trust if you would like to speak to someone who would understand what you are dealing with. We are a charity that offer support to people going through what you are. If you make contact I can put you in touch with one of our trained and experienced people. Maybe talking with one of them will help you to decide the way ahead.

You can contact Icarus Trust on help@icarustrust.org or visit our website http://www.icarustrust.org

All the very best to you and your family.

[Author]

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