[donthaveaclue]

I’m so sorry for the loss of your parents and that you feel so alone dealing with this.

You are not alone. There are so many of us in similar circumstances.

I feel much the same. I’m going mad not knowing what to do or where to turn. I desperately want to get out and leave… but I can’t until I’m rehoused – unless I declare myself homeless. I have a young child so this option is scary and I don’t think the addict (also their parent) would agree to it.

Like you said… I feel so lonely, sad and anxious. He is not there for me and won’t properly chat or engage. He blames me for his addiction (even though it turns out he had exactly the same addiction years ago before he met me and I knew nothing about it).

I cannot tell anyone the full extent of what’s going on. People know bits here and there. It’s such a burden. I haven’t told any of my family… they only know he has bad mental health issues and is incredibly volatile.

In your position I would try to find a job. Is that something you could do? I think it helps to proactively do something that’s you taking control of your life as so much of our lives are taken out of our hands.

At least that way you can have your own money, independence and if you wish to live on your own you can work towards that.

Also seek out as much support for yourself as you can.

[poppy15]

Thank you for responding to my post. I’m trying to look for a job but it’s so hard when you’ve been working for your husband and that’s all I’ve known. My friend is going to help me do a CV next week.

I’m sorry you’re also feeling very low. Being a partner of an addict is very lonely as it’s a unique situation and no one really understands unless they have actually walked in those shoes.

It may be the bravest thing you will do but can you not reach out and be honest with your family? I’m sure this will help alleviate some stress that you’re feeling.

My sons know but they have basically given up on my husband, which is easier to do as it’s not their dad. They are very negative about him and I guess they’re right but when you’re emotionally attached and love that person, it’s very hard to see what they see.

It’s very difficult living with the person in active addiction and I feel sorry you’re in this situation. It’s bad enough knowing it’s going on but seeing it first hand is heartbreaking. I’m assuming you’re waiting for your local authority to rehouse you? Do they know the full extent of your situation?

I’ve been up most of the night. Still crying and feeling so much pain. It’s the thought that the once loving husband isn’t that person anymore and I’m dealing with someone completely different. He’s so cold and unloving . I know really that my marriage is over but my heart just won’t let go. It feels like I’m losing everything in one go, my husband, my best friend, my future dreams, my family unit basically everything. I don’t want my daughter to be damaged by all of this toxic stuff. Her life is ahead of her and I’d hate her to repeat the behaviour her dad is showing or choose a partner with issues like her dad. For that reason and only reason I know I have to close the door. It’s for her really as I know deep down if I was without kids, I’d still be here with him , drowning in the addiction. Just because I love him unconditionally. But that’s damaging too right?

Sending you strength and love. I really hope you can get rehoused soon x

[donthaveaclue]

I’m leaving partly for the reason you mentioned about your daughter. I don’t want my child to repeat any of this.

Once you have your CV, try recruitment agencies as well as the normal direct job applications. Some agencies have great temp to permanent jobs… so you get in on a temporary contract and if it’s a good fit you get offered permanent. It can be an easier way of getting a permanent job if you don’t have loads of experience with other employers.

Yes, I’m currently in a joint social housing tenancy. So I’m on the housing list to be rehoused as a sole tenant with our child.. I’m disabled with chronic illnesses and other impairments so I get some points due to that. Housing know some of issues such as the mental health and volatility, but they don’t know about the drugs.

My parents are late 70s and I really feel it might kill one of them if I told them. They are both already so worried about me and the child.

I totally understand- it is very distressing and sad facing up to the reality. The fact that the person who was once affectionate, who you could once connect with and talk to and who took an interest in you, is now gone and replaced by the cold, unloving and distant person.

I see that even with my child. They cannot connect with their dad 95% of the time. Is the addict your daughter’s dad?

You say you’d stay if you didn’t have kids… have you looked into co-dependency and trauma bonding? I’ve stayed way too long because of this. I care way too much about him and it is misplaced. He doesn’t care even half as much as me.

xx

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