[cherrywidow]

Hello everyone

I’m sorry if this is long but I’ve no one who understands so bubbles away in my head.

Outline of background, married young and had 3 kids, domestic abuse, 9 yrs, husband went to prison so I left, met someone else 2 yrs later and had 3 more kids, ‘normal’ life, both worked hard, kids all well behaved except eldest who was always quite hard work, 9 yrs in and my husband died, devastated, he was my soul mate, my eldest 2 sons where 15 and 17 and went off the rails, drink and drugs, my daughter 14 had mental health issues with self harm, little ones where 2,3 and 5, that was 11 yrs ago, I won’t go through everything that’s gone on or it will be a novel and don’t want to bore everyone with all that’s happened but my main problem is my eldest son, at 18 he went to live with his dad and ended up in and out of prison, hooked on drugs and on self destruct, it was like that til he was 21 when he met a girl and settled down, they had 2 sons, she already had a daughter, the first year was ok but then they started doing drugs, I travelled 100 miles there and 100 miles back often to bring boys home with me as was awful what was going on, son finally left but went on self destruct again, he ended up in prison hooked on spice, my grandsons where taken away and put in care, I went to court and got special guardianship order so they have been with me permanently for 4 yrs, now aged 6 and 7, I am now 47 and having them with me has caused my health to go down hill, I’m sorry I’m rambling 🙁 while my son was in prison he constantly called begging for money for drugs, I shouldn’t have sent money I know but when he was crying down the phone and it was constant i gave in and kept sending money, it was draining, i felt scared he would get hurt but thought if he takes bad drugs and dies his blood is on my hands for paying for it, awful time, I’m going on too much so the bottom line now is he’s out if prison 2 yrs, he doesn’t care about anyone, he uses his kids as weapons against me cos I can’t cut him off from them, he takes drugs all day every day, he’s aggressive, he hounds me into the ground for money constantly, I don’t give anymore because he has been doing this so long I am now in £20,000 of debt, I’ve lost all my support from everyone because of what he does, my health is not good, his son’s are angry and very hard to look after, the 6 year old has foetal alcohol syndrome which is awful to cope with, over the last few months it has got worse as he is now on xanax and vallium, mixed with alcohol, also my ex died 2 months ago from cancer and that has made him worse, he came up here from where he usually sofa surfs and smashed my house up, he has been homeless 4 a long time which hurts me but he is too unpredictable to allow here with 2 young boys and 3 teenagers, I am at breaking point and don’t know what to do or where to turn, he needs to stay away but he won’t and when he is under the influence I am actually scared of what he could do and I have never felt like this before, he’s 28 now and I cantvsee any light at the end of the tunnel, I’m so resentful I’m left in debt and with my grandsons and he is still doing what he’s doing, he has destroyed me, ive left a lot out as need to stop but maybe say more in comments, thank you for reading if you have reached this point, is a relief to just blurt all this out without feeling someone will judge me or criticize, I look forward to maybe some coping mechanisms or advice, a weight lifted already just writing this x

[amethyst2018]

Hi what a terrible story I’m so sorry you’ve been through all this… I’m wondering how your son is allowed to see his kids as he is at the moment I would personally get court order for supervised visits and get a restraining order simply because of the children you have with you at home still… I won’t tell you to turn your back on him because I couldn’t do that although some will say it’s the only way I’m sorry I don’t have the answers but wish you well and maybe if you haven’t already get some counselling x

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