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So my recently ex partner who is now in rehab after 2 years of cocaine abuse which destroyed our relationship has just told me that she’s had some counselling and she thinks the reason she’s been taking it is 6 years ago we were engaged but I got really nervous and told her I wasn’t ready just yet . So after that we bought 2 houses togther I helped her through 3 mental health breakdowns from child hood truma and was her rock in holding her up . But today she’s blaming me for taking cocaine 5 years later . Could this all be my fault as she said if we had gotten married none of this would of happend
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Paul, none of this is you’re fault. Quite frankly sorry to be blunt if this is her reason it’s ridiculous sounds like she’s shifting the blame or maybe the real reason is to painful to admit or discuss. You’ve done so much for her and sounds like you really love her and she takes you for granted. She may be angry her moods may be all over the place and she may be making you feel bad. I wouldn’t take it personally and tell her you think she’s passing the buck and she needs to be honest with herself.
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She needs him as he’s her dealer and he needs her money. He will always keep her happy as long as she’s lining he’s pockets & she will always go to him for the drug. They need to come down harder on drug dealers it’s disgusting the lives they ruin!
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Hi Paul, if I knew the dealer I would do the same thing by shopping him to the police. Does he know you though or where you live please be careful. It’s so hard you do feel robbed, I had so many plans a future to. But only you can make yourself happy in this situation as it’s only you that you can control. I would tread carefully see how things go once she comes out I don’t think 2 weeks is long enough to change but one day can be enough if as the addict you have truly had enough. If she’s doing it for you or to keep the relationship it won’t work it needs to be for her. Hope you’re okay, keep strong.
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They can’t see anything the chaos the destruction the mental pain they cause you or their family as your sick with worry. She could just be angry she’s withdrawing and is probably struggling so thinks it’s best to blame you addicts are best at shifting blame lying and denying. You already know this I know. Don’t take it personally maybe cut off contact with her for a bit maybe because she knows she always has your love & support she can treat you like that. Talking of drug dealers I had one knock on my door earlier asking for my ex as he’s racked up £600s worth on tick and avoiding them. He’s getting our children today as it’s he’s weekend for contact so going to have a serious chat with him coz it’s all getting out of hand now I’m worried about mine and the kids safety. I dunno when will all this madness we deserve to be happy put ourselves first!
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You do lose yourself it takes your sanity too and no one is worth that we must put ourselves first the same way the do when they keep on taking the drugs. They do lack empathy the drugs does that it’s awful isn’t it if they cared they wouldn’t do half the awful stuff they do, it completely changes them. She’s clearly delusional having a relationship with a drug dealer is never gonna end well. I’d concentrate on yourself you will feel so much better for it she’s responsible for herself not you it’s hard to accept that but once you do it hurts less.
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Paul I have a cocaine addiction and I’m over 2 month clean now.
You are not at fault!
The answer to it all is in your story.. Child hood trauma. This is a major factor in using drugs. It can be as little as anything. This is when we do the 12 steps in C A anonymous, on step 4 we do resentments we talk to our sponsor about every resentment we have from the past. And write them down. I had a lot to my dad because he scared me with his temper. A lot to my friend because he bullied us all. Some people have been abused sexually by family members. These deep down resentments hold us back.
So we need to let go of them and move on. It really does work.
There is a doctor who studies trauma and addiction, you can see his videos on you tube, Dr gabor I think his name is.
Please stop thinking its you. You are doing your best.
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Paul I have a cocaine addiction and I’m over 2 month clean now.
You are not at fault!
The answer to it all is in your story.. Child hood trauma. This is a major factor in using drugs. It can be as little as anything. This is when we do the 12 steps in C A anonymous, on step 4 we do resentments we talk to our sponsor about every resentment we have from the past. And write them down. I had a lot to my dad because he scared me with his temper. A lot to my friend because he bullied us all. Some people have been abused sexually by family members. These deep down resentments hold us back.
So we need to let go of them and move on. It really does work.
There is a doctor who studies trauma and addiction, you can see his videos on you tube, Dr gabor I think his name is.
Please stop thinking its you. You are doing your best.
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