[oceanlover]

Just felt like I needed to talk to others who might of been through the same thing as me or going through it.

I’ve been with my fiancé for nearly 13 years. We have two children together. He has always drunk quite a bit but quite a few times over the years he has hidden his drinking!!!! I wonder also if he drinks before driving home from work. I found a load of empty bottles in his work van. Apparently his Mum used to see him sat in a lay-by drinking when he was with his ex wife. At the end of last year we went through a particularly dark time! He drank loads and was hiding what he was drinking as well. Everything was my fault!! It was like he was trying to destroy me. I was quite ill mentally. Couldn’t eat. My Family and friends don’t think a lot of him now because of how he treated me. There was emotional abuse and he has always been very controlling and jealous!! It’s so draining having conversations when he is drunk and then he can’t remember what he has said. He has lied a lot so now I don’t trust him. I still don’t believe he tells me the truth about how much he drinks. I went to my Mums with the children back in March as I was looking for somewhere else to live and he found out and told me to leave. We went for 6 nights. The kids were devastated. It was so hard! He said he would get help with the drinking. He said he would sort out a relationship counsellor. We came back but his idea of getting help with the drinking was a podcast and I sorted out the counsellor. We had 5 counselling sessions but then she said we needed counselling on our own. I’m having counselling through adfam. He’s having counselling with someone who specialises in alcohol addiction.

I sometimes wonder if he really wants to give up alcohol? What I see him drink is less than he was drinking but last night for instance our Daughter was poorly and he couldn’t even remember that she had had paracetamol so to me he had drunk more than I was aware of? I hate the lies. It is all so draining!! I’m ending up resenting him. I gave up drinking alcohol about 12 weeks ago as I hate it so much!! I hate the smell of it when we go to bed, the blood shot eyes. The constant worry of he is driving still over the limit!! At the weekends now I drive for the safety of our children!!!! Also I’m a nurse and I work on endoscopy so see a lot of patients so ill because of alcohol and I constantly worry about my Partners health! I would really appreciate some advice or to know if people have had similar experiences? It’s tearing me apart!

We were meant to get married last year but because of covid we had to move the date and after all of this I cancelled it! My partner never seems happy! Always buys expensive things, like he is looking outside of himself to make him happy when actually it is himself he needs to heal.

[worriedpartner]

I too have been with my ‘fiancé’ for 13 years and have two children together. We were meant to be married last April but due to covid this was cancelled and rearranged for April next year…this is now cancelled, we are still together but no longer engaged. I have been very secretive about our situation to family and friends but some now know a little bit of what’s going on but still not the whole picture but the things they do know are not approved of at all and they now have a negative view on him whereas everyone loved him before. He got in with a new friend around a year ago and after being someone who rarely drank, this is now their thing that they do everytime they’re together, which is several times a week. He too now drink drives. There are bottles and cans all over the car constantly and about 6 months ago his friend introduced him to cocaine and now that, along with the alcohol is taking over. He regrets it the next day and says never again, but once the comedown wares off it just continues in a cycle. Last night was his worst binge yet. I’ve said I think his new friendship is ruining him but hey, what do I know. We haven’t tried proper councelling yet as money flow doesn’t allow, but after going round and round in circles having the same conversations over and over with no change, I’ve bought a few books to try and help us communicate more effectively. I feel like I’m putting up barriers and just feel so much anger and resentment towards him and that’s not helping anyone. I don’t want to walk away, I want to help him and want him back to the person he has been for the past 12 years and not this crazy wild man child he has turned into. Im sorry I have no words if wisdom or advice but wanted you to know I understand and can empathise with you xx you are not alone xx

[oceanlover]

Hi worried Partner,

So sorry to hear of the troubles you are going through!! It’s so hard isn’t it! Thanks for your understanding and empathy xx

[icarus-trust]

Hi,

So sorry to read your post about your fiance’s drinking and the worry that it is causing you. I am glad that you are both seeing a counsellor and are on this forum. If you need any more support please contact us at Icarus Trust as we are a charity that offers support help and advice to people, like yourself , that are dealing with addiction in their family.

You can contact Icarus Trust on help@icarustrust.org or visit our website http://www.icarustrust.org

All the best.

[oceanlover]

Thanks very much

[Author]

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