[asadmum]

I don’t know where to start really I have a 20yr old son who’s apparently had an unhealthy habit for drugs and alcohol for quite some years. My son started going out into the town drinking before he was of age sneaking around with his friends and getting absolutely ratfaced, me and my husband let things go a few times but then we started to turn corners with him and he backed off from going out as much as he was living with us. Then at 18 things went really south and he started going out drinking and seeing some so called friends, ones he hadn’t originally started off with but apparently so it seems now had the same interest as him (cocaine and alcohol) the alarm bells were ringing even at that point, especially when they would do all day benders and he’d come back relatively sober and sometimes not smelling like much alcohol at all, to looking like he’d had a skin and very agitated and aggressive to some respect. I wanted to believe he didn’t do that not my son who’s so loveable and friendly (when sober and not uti) He’d had a long term girlfriend who had known about this issue for some time but had not made us aware of the situation as both my parents were undergoing cancer treatment at the time and my grandmother had just passed away. Things were already strained for us all. Even my eldest son knew of this habit that was forming and never thought to make us aware, although my husband said he could just tell it wasn’t just alcohol. He had said to us he wanted to change and didn’t want to do this anymore, which I believed, and I also believed that he could just kick the habit of socially taking cocaine to just having a drink but most of the time they now seem to have been very much a dual habit… unfortunately my sons gf couldn’t carry on as they were and they both parted ways… very sad in itself, but then he lost total control and lost his job form where he’d worked from school, to trying to pull money in from anywhere he could.. but the pandemic things cooled off and he was becoming more like himself again calm happy and great fun to be around… now things are lifting again and he’s already left our house to live with two of his better friends, but we have caught him trying to drive while he’s intoxicated and uti …. the panic dread fear have taken hold of me so much right now,I’m holding myself responsible for not getting him the help that he needed before… he said he didn’t want intervention etc… and he wants to move back home again to sort his life out…I am petrified to be honest he’s so unpredictable it scares the hell out of me…but can’t help but blame myself…. I don’t know which way to turn we have lent money to him believing it was for food/ insurance/ rent etc now I know I have just enabled all what I didn’t want too I am at my wits end…

[lindyloo]

Hi Asadmum, welcome to the forum. I was sad to read your story but I wanted you to know that there’s no need to feel alone in this nightmare.

My son is 28 and has cocaine and alcohol addictions. The two go hand in hand unfortunately.

So many people here have loved ones who have addictions and also some people in recovery offering support and advice too.

It’s a relief to speak to the others going through the same issues.

I usually post on the Theresa thread, click onto ‘share your story ‘ there are several of us mums all with sons with addictions. Everyone is so supportive and understanding, but it’s good to vent or seek advice and support from other mums who totally understand you and sympathise with you.

If I can offer any advice it’s that, there’s nothing you can do or say until they admit they have a problem and want support.

My son started taking mild drugs around 14, escalated to alcohol, now cocaine. Its been 14yrs of he’ll honestly. Unfortunately they themselves don’t see it, as the addiction consumes them and turns them into people you don’t recognise any more.

Your lad is still in there, it’s just this evil drug that turns them into monsters.

I wish you well, the forum has a homepage with support and the Icarus trust posts here too for advice and support.

Please look after your own health and well-being and the others in the family. You need to be strong to fight this.

Take care, always hear to chat,

Lx

[asadmum]

Thank you so much I do feel very alone and to blame. But my eldest son says he will only stop when he wants to stop. And his relationship has suffered with him an awful lot. I often think I’m of no use at all. How could all of this have happened ???? I’m so sorry to hear what your going through also it’s such a waste of life there’s so much they are missing out on by surrendering themselves to this. Sending love

[asadmum]

I don’t know how to share my story

[lindyloo]

As you read this, look at the dark blue area above, click on ‘ share your story ‘ it will bring up several pages of stories, look for the one headed Theresa.

Yes, it’s sad but they are oblivious to this until they seek help through AA or CA. My son was recently almost 6 months clean and relapsed, I was upset, but he was affected by it more I think, they can relapse several times.

Lx

[asadmum]

Thank you so much xx

[asadmum]

I’m finding it so difficult to even write this but sometimes I just don’t wanna cope anymore. I’ve nearly lost both parents recently to cancer. I can just find no strength at all. He manage also like you said for roughly around a year which was brilliant but then friends started to creep in and get the fun friend that will do anything back into their lives and he thinks they really are his friends which is so sad ???? xx

[asadmum]

I’m finding it so difficult to even write this but sometimes I just don’t wanna cope anymore. I’ve nearly lost both parents recently to cancer. I can just find no strength at all. He manage also like you said for roughly around a year which was brilliant but then friends started to creep in and get the fun friend that will do anything back into their lives and he thinks they really are his friends which is so sad ???? xx

xx

[Author]

Posts