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I need help and don’t know where to turn. It’s very hard for me to come on here and explain what’s been happening in my life as I’m sure it is for all of you who are sharing your stories. I think your all so brave. I have been with my partner since I was 15 we have been together for 24years. He has always been a solid guy, trustworthy, a great partner and the best dad to our daughter. 3 years ago his brother who was a recovering heroin and crack addict moved in with us so we could help him get his life on track. I’ve helped him many times over the years. Covid hit and I was lucky to have a key worker job and I work 66hrs a week. My partner was unlucky and got furloughed. I noticed a change in my partners behaviour and money was going missing, my credit card, my bank cards and Beatrix potter coins id been collecting all were stolen from me. He walked out my house and went missing for 18hrs. In all the years we have been together he has never and would never put me through that worry. The next day I went out and found him and he was in a crazy rage his brother was there but ran away the minute he saw me. My partner was screaming and shouting at me and told me to go home he did this in front of family members. I took him home and we talked he was honest and told me he was addicted to crack. He was really upset and he said he wanted to get clean. He said he found it in the woods with his brother and that’s how it started and he had been doing it for months and drinking too as well as smoking weed daily (I always knew about the weed). I find that hard to believe seeing as his brother has always done crack. I confronted his brother and he said that if my partner had started shoplifting he would have told me about his habit. I never really understood why u would wait till your brother would self destruct to that degree before saying anything. My partner gave up and I started to drug test him and he did well for 6 months. Then it began again stealing, lying, drinking, smoking £70 worth of weed in 24 hrs, and he stopped working. He hasn’t worked a full month in 7 months and has been bringing in minimal wage each month which most of the time he ends up spending on drugs again. He called me after work I went to meet him after a 12hr shift to be told he stole my savings and he owed a debt to a dealer and I payed it. He sold his drone, his Apple Watch, and his phone which i bought back. He got clean for a few months and his brother overdosed and was rushed to hospital it turns out he likes to snowball, luckily he managed to get to hospital in time. Then in October the same behaviour started I begged him to work leading up to Christmas he didn’t, he stole personal possession from me. I snapped kicked him and his brother out and they were homeless for a week. Whilst they were gone I had to go bankrupt as I’m in so much debt due to his addiction and I know it’s my fault. I went in the room my partners brother was renting from me, and what I found broke me. There was hundreds of needles, Spoons and bloody tissues everywhere, i gutted the room and got rid of all the furniture. My partner came back after 5 days and said he wanted to get clean I said he could come home but his brother couldn’t. My Partner left and went back to the streets for two night as he couldn’t leave his brother homeless he helped him get signed up to charities and got him a room and my partner came home just before Christmas. Christmas Day I worked and we had nothing, no tree, no dinner, no presents and I really didn’t mind I was happy he was home and wanted to get clean. It turned out he had bought crack and had stole money on Christmas Eve. Since then I turned 40 and again I had nothing not even a card I don’t care for things like that I’m great full for what I have. He sold his phone and he stole my engagement ring. He nearly lost his job where he hasn’t worked. We argued and he left because u wouldn’t give him money. I stupidly went looking for him and found him and his brother screaming and shouting at each other in the street. I got him in the car and took him home. Last night he went to get his suitcase from his brother and I came home from work one look at him and I knew he was high. His brother had given him crack and he took it. I have been so stressed and I’m humiliated to say that Ive started to self harm. I can’t cope anymore and I don’t know what to do. He’s not a bad person and that’s what keeps me hanging on but his brother has such an influence over him. I’m sorry for going on but does anybody have any advice for me. I know u can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped but he says he wants help and to be in a relationship. I don’t know what to believe anymore this is hurting me and my daughter she is 23 and is fully aware of what’s going on and that more than anything breaks me further.
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People in active addiction lie, manipulate, and steal. Therefore you can not believe what he says, only what he does. Wanting help is a nice phrase, but has he contacted his local drug services, joined Nar Anon, or talked to his Dr?
This is affecting your mental health, and your daughter, so your number one priority is your health. You can reach out for help from your local Mental Health services, which are free.
Or, you can attend an online recovery group for the families and friends of addicts, which meet weekly, and share your story, meet other people going through the same thing, and start feeling you are not alone. For example http://www.nar-anon.co.uk
No one is a ‘bad person’, but the behaviours that drive addicts to get their drugs are affecting you seriously. Is that what you want for the near future? You can learn about setting up boundaries, eg your partner can not live with you, whilst using. It is really up to him, he is an adult, and knows what is going on.
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